


The Secrets Hidden Within The Dairies Of The Nations

by Vigilant_Schemer



Series: National Secrets [1]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: 2P Hetalia, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Austria Being a Jerk, Best Friends, Bottom America (Hetalia), Brotherly Angst, Brotherly Love, Childhood Memories, Comedy, Complicated Relationships, Crying, Dark Past, Developing Relationship, Diary/Journal, Eating Disorders, England Being a Jerk (Hetalia), Established Relationship, F/M, Family Angst, Family Drama, Family Feels, Family Issues, Family Secrets, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Guilt, Heartache, Hetalia Countries Using Human Names, Historical Figures, Historical References, Identity Reveal, Implied Relationships, Inner Demons, Insecurity, Intervention, M/M, Magic, Major Character Injury, Mental Breakdown, Multi, Pretending to be happy, Recovered Memories, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self Confidence Issues, Self-Destruction, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Hatred, Social Anxiety, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-29
Updated: 2019-05-21
Packaged: 2019-12-26 11:22:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 57
Words: 44,537
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18281645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vigilant_Schemer/pseuds/Vigilant_Schemer
Summary: The Ancients have become increasingly worried for the Nations of the world. It pains them greatly to see their children suffering in silence, so they have devised a plan to rectify this.





	1. The Ancients Intervention

The annual world meeting had started out just like any other meeting. Arthur, Francis and Alfred were having a three-way argument that was going absolutely nowhere, Matthew was trying and failing to get anyone's attention, Gilbert was boasting very very loudly about how awesome he truly was and Ludwig was about ten seconds away from blowing a gasket and shouting at everyone to shut the hell up. When suddenly a bright white light appeared in the middle of the conference table practically blinding everyone present.

 **"Hello Nations of the world!!!"** A loud booming male Italian voice echoed throughout the room, both Feliciano and Lovino stiffened in shock as their eyes widened to the size of saucers, they knew that voice! There was no way they could ever forget the voice of their own grandfather.

 **"We the ancients have noticed that some of you have been suffering in silence, we have devised a plan to rectify this"** A stern but kind British woman's voice said, this time it was the UK brothers eyes that widened as they all stifled a startled gasp, that was their mother's voice!

Another bright white light appeared, this one left behind an old worn out looking book with a plain cover.

 **"It pains us greatly to see our children suffer in such a way and not being able to trust anyone enough to turn to them for help"** A kind motherly voice spoke up causing Alfred and Matthew's eyes to widen and slightly tear up, they hadn't heard their mother's gentle voice in such a long long time.

 **"This book contains diary entries as well as statements about all of the Nations who are suffering, by reading it we hope that you can better understand them"** A stern but not unkind male German voice spoke up making Gilbert's eyes widen in shock, that was his Vati's voice! Ludwig frowned slightly in confusion, he felt like he should recognize that voice but he just couldn't figure out why.

 **"You will not be allowed to leave this building until you have finished reading this book"** A sleepy Greek woman's voice spoke up this one made Hercules look up in shocked wonder, it had been too long since he had last heard his mother's voice.

 **"We love you our children and we are so very proud of all of you!!!"** All the Ancients said in unison, giving off a very powerful image. The light soon vanished leaving the room in dead silence, no one really knowing what to do or say.


	2. Love Confessions

After a good twenty minutes of silence Arthur finally cleared his throat and hesitantly picked up the book and read the first entry. Everyone was far too stunned to stop him.

**Dear Diary,**   
**Sometimes I wonder if I could just be as happy and carefree as Veneziano, if I could finally find someone who would love me like everyone loves him... - Romano**

Lovino's went scarlet and shrunk into his seat, pointedly ignoring the looks he was getting from everyone else.

"Fratello" Feliciano mumbled sadly while placing his hand on his brother's shoulder. Lovino's quickly shrugged his hand off.

"Forget it, it doesn't mean anything" He growled out harshly before giving Arthur a not so subtle hint to move on. He completely missed the looks Felicano and Antonio were giving him.

**Dear Diary,**   
**Today will be the day I am noticed by someone. - Canada**

"Who?" Practically every nation asked in unison causing Matthew to shrink into his seat and a few key Nations eyebrows to twitch.

"Canada! You know Matthew Williams the coolest big brother ever!" Alfred shouted as he stood up from his chair and gestured dramatically to Matthew who was now sporting a scarlet blush. All the other nations who actually remembered Matthew smiled at the blushing Canadian. While everyone else apologized for forgetting about him.

**Dear Diary,**   
**I know it sounds rude when I call him a brat. It is the only way that I can tell him that I love him, without saying it out loud. It might make me sound a little too attached to him. - Turkey**

Hercules, who was surprisingly awake, blushed scarlet at the sort of declaration of love. He glanced shyly at a blushing and stuttering Sadik before doing something a little bolder then he would normally do.

He grabbed Sadik by his jacket collar and pulled him into a searing kiss. Sadik froze for a good solid minute before he deepened the kiss. Of course, while this was going on almost all of the other nations were making cat calls and wolf whistles, a few others were taking a million pictures. 

When the Turk and Greek finally pulled away Hercules gave Sadik a lazy but loving grin.

"I love you to you fucking bastard" He said cheekily before kissing Sadik's cheek. Sadik being the over the top man that he is decided that Hercules should now sit on his lap, not that Hercules was complaining. He simply grabbed the cat he had been petting and snuggled into Sadik's chest. This got quite a few awes from the other nations, and a few more pictures being taken. 

"You can continue now Arthur" Hercules said sleepily. Arthur nodded before going back to the book.

**Dear Diary,**   
**I won't admit it, but I really miss this... fucking bastard - Greece**

Hercules gave Sadik a cheeky grin before snuggling into his chest making the Turk grin.

**Dear Diary,**   
**I caught Romano crying again. He wouldn't tell me why or what's wrong. He just stands there crying - Spain**

Before anyone could say anything Lovino stood up from his chair and stormed out of the room, Feliciano and Antonio quickly following after him.

"I think now would be a good time to take a break" Ludwig said softly and everyone nodded before they all began leaving the room. Arthur was the only one left as he couldn't tear his eyes away from the next entry.

"Angleterre? Are you coming?" Francis asked as he poked his head back into the room. Arthur blinked out of his shock before nodding slowly.

"Yes I'm coming" he said while getting up and placing the book back down on the table before following Francis out of the room and to the cafeteria.


	3. Sad Memories and Loud Laughter

After everyone returned from lunch they all noticed how Lovino was sitting far away from Feliciano and Antonio, who were sharing concerned looks, and how Arthur was staring at the book sadly while occasionally glancing at an oblivious Gilbert.

"Alright who's reading next?" Ludwig asked while holding up the book, Ivan was the first person to raise his hand.

"I will, da" He said while taking the book out of Ludwig's hand before opening it up. However, when he saw the first entry his eyes widened in shock and they snapped up to glance at Gilbert before returning to the book as he hesitantly reads the entry.

**Dear Diary,**   
**The locals set me on fire again... But this time they tied me up so I could not move. My whole body is sore and my hair is shorter... after they realized I could not die from fire, they threw me into the water... I cannot swim... But I also cannot drown... I was just there struggling for hours... Until Vati came... He looked so angry... And called me stupid... All this is happening because of my eye colour... Why did God curse me? What had I done? - Prussia**

Gilbert flinched violently at the entry as everyone stared at him sympathetically, which he chose to ignore. What he didn't ignore however was Roderich's hand squeezing his in comfort.

"Bruder, why did you never say anything?" Ludwig asked worriedly causing Gilbert to give him a large fake smile.

"It doesn't matter any more West, the Awesome me has totally let it go" He said cheerfully, the obvious lie was acknowledged by everyone but no one chose to bring it up. Ivan bit his lip as he stared down at the next entry, his eyes briefly looked at Yao before once again returning to the book.

**Dear Diary,**   
**When I wished for Japan to grow up and be big and strong, I wasn't wishing for this... - China**

Yao winced slightly and Kiku looked away guiltily. No one was willing to say anything to the two Asians. Ivan squeezed Yao's shoulder before looking at the next entry, he instantly winced at what he saw which Yao was quick to notice.

"Ivan? what's wrong~Aru?" He asked which caused everyone to look at Ivan.

"This entry is mine" Ivan said shakily before reading the entry aloud.

**Dear Diary,**   
**Today I got lost outside in the woods. I tried to call out for somebody, but then I remembered there is no one. I was out there all alone; always alone. Will it be like this forever? - Russia**

Ivan placed the book down on the table while ignoring everyone's sympathetic looks, they were probably all fake anyway. He glanced up when Yao placed his hand on his shoulder.

"You're not alone anymore Ivan" Yao whispered softly making a faint smile appear on the Russians face. While they were distracted Alfred grabbed the book and opened it up to the next entry. Only to bite his lip in an attempt not to burst out laughing, his efforts were fruitless because Matthew noticed instantly.

"What is it?" He whispered only for Alfred to shake his head with an amused grin on his face before he read the entry aloud.

**Dear Diary,**   
**Why do people suck so much? - Romano**

This caused everyone to start laughing except Lovino who was as red as a tomato.

"Libro bastard" He huffed while shrinking into his seat which only made everyone laugh more. Alfred glanced at the next entry and snickered to himself a little bit before reading the entry aloud.

**Dear Diary,**   
**Today we all played Monopoly together. It was really fun! But I think America and China took it a little too seriously. - Veneziano**

This made everyone laugh, including Yao and Alfred. They laughed so hard it took a while for them to calm down, by the time everyone had calmed down Ludwig decide now was a good time to stop for the day.

As everyone was leaving Alfred couldn't help but glance at the next entry. His eyes widened before they snapped to stare at the retreating figure of his favourite uncle. His surprised expression quickly morphed into a sad one. He closed the book before quickly leaving the room to catch up with his brother.


	4. Sad and Embarrassing Secrets

The next day as the nations were filling into the meeting room a few people gave Alfred odd looks when he moved the chairs around to make sure Arthur was sitting far away from both Allistor and Francis. 

"Alfred you bloody wanker what are you doing?" Arthur asked baffled as he took his seat next to the American. Said American just gave him a large smile. 

"Don't worry about it Artie!" He said cheerfully which caused Arthur's eyebrow to twitch angrily. 

"What have I told you about calling me that!" Arthur yelled angrily causing Alfred to laugh. Before Arthur could go full rant mode on Alfred Ludwig quickly got everyone attention so that they could continue reading the book. 

"I would like to read Ludwig" Francis said only for Alfred stand up and start waving his arms about. 

"No, you can't!" Alfred shouted worriedly causing everyone to give him confused looks. 

"And why not Alfred?" Francis asked with a baffled look on his face. 

"Because.. um.. uh... My bro Mattie totally want's to read but... uh, he was too worried everyone would ignore him to ask" Alfred stuttered out before plastering on a large grin as he sunk down into his chair. Matthew raised an eyebrow at his brother but accepted the book from Ludwig none the less. When he saw what the entry was he instantly understood what his brother was trying to do. 

"It's not a diary entry, but a statement" He said which caused a few more nations to become much more interested in what it was. 

**She's the Jeanne to his Francis. He loved and adored her while she was alive. He still loves and adores her even in death. Allistor will never say it out loud, but sometimes he asks for her guidance when he really needs it. He misses her.**

Arthur flinched violently as he noticed the devastated expressions on both Allistor's face and on Francis'. One remembering his beloved Mary and the other his beloved Jeanne. Matthew gave Francis a concerned look before he glanced down at the next entry and his eyes softened further as he glanced at his brother. 

**He remembers the warmth of his mother's love and he misses her greatly.**

Alfred frowned sadly at this, he really missed her. He glanced up when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw his brother giving him a soft smile which he returned. 

"Can I read now birdie?" Gilbert asked and Matthew nodded before he handed his friend the book. The Prussian eagerly glanced at the next entry only to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing. 

"Oh, Mein Gott" He whispered to himself trying hard not to laugh which caused his brother and Roderich to give him confused looks. He cleared his throat and with great difficulty read the entry aloud. 

**Germany had a huge somewhat awkward crush on France.**

Ludwig's whole face went bright red as everyone began to laugh. Everyone but Feliciano who was frowning grumpily to himself. 

"I never knew you thought of me in such a way Ludwig" Francis said teasingly which only made Ludwig's face go even brighter as he chanted nein under his breath over and over again. Gilbert laughed some more before he glanced at the next entry. His eyes widened in surprise before a sly smirk appeared on his face. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Remember that proposal of Spain's? I never said no... - Romano**

Lovino's face went bright red before he ran straight out of the meeting room with Antonio hot on his heels. 

"I think now would be a good time to break for lunch" Ludwig said, he was still a little pink. He then got up and power walked out of the room Feliciano following behind him. Everyone shared a look before shrugging and getting up and leaving the room. Before he got up Gilbert glanced at the entry and couldn't help but to smirk at what he saw, his eyes trailed away from the entry to stare at the retreating figures of two of the Nordic's. 


	5. Blushing Faces and Tempers Lost

Once everyone returned from lunch they all noticed a few things. 1) Feliciano was clinging onto Ludwig who's face was still bright red, 2) Antonio was hugging Lovino so tightly it looked like the poor Italian would faint, and 3) Gilbert kept snickering to himself as if he knew something no one else did. 

Not wanting to be stopped again Francis quickly picked up the book so that he could read now. When he saw what the next entry was he instantly knew why Gilbert was snickering to himself. He cleared his throat to gain everyone's attention before he began to read. 

**Dear Diary,**

**For future reference, getting Sweden drunk and taking him out dancing is great for blackmail pictures. Last night was the best night ever. - Denmark**

A faint blush appeared on Berwald's cheeks as he looks away from everyone who was laughing, Mathias, however, was laughing the loudest. That is until Lukas grabbed his tie and began strangling him. 

"Stupid Dane" He muttered before letting go of his tie. Mathias just laughed it off, though both Gilbert and Alfred noticed that his smile seemed a little bit more forced. They shared a look before deciding that they would talk to the Dane later. 

Francis glanced down at the next entry and smiled softly at it. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I tried to speak Spanish today. I messed up really bad, but Spain still seemed really happy that I at least tried it. He's really weird, but that's not really a bad thing, I guess. - Romano**

Lovino groaned in despair as Antonio hugged him even tighter, at this rate the tomato bastard was going to squeeze all of the air out of him. Stupid book. His eyes narrowed when he noticed the huge smile that Francis was giving him before he read the next entry, yup he was so going to burn that book first chance he got. 

**Lovino's a baby whisperer. No matter what's wrong with a baby (tired/hungry/wet/whatnot), he knows exactly what to do to make them happy. He loses the ability once the kid gets old enough to talk.**

"Aw, Lovi that's so cute!!" Antonio gushed happily with a few other countries nodding in agreement. Poor Lovino looked like his face would never stop being red.

"That's it give me that damn book I'm going to burn it!" He screamed while trying to pounce at Francis who squeaked loudly and threw the book at Alfred whose eyes widened comically. Antonio quickly pulled Lovino back into his seat so that he wouldn't hurt anyone. 

"Quick Alfred read the next entry before Lovino loses it" Matthew whispered hurriedly and Alfred quickly opened the book and read the next entry. He would come to regret not looking at the entry first. 

**America misses his hippie days.**

Alfred's face instantly went bright red as everyone else laughed, even Lovino had stopped struggling in Antonio's arms so that he could laugh. Alfred cleared his throat and read the next entry while trying to hide his blushing face. Though when he noticed what the next entry was he knew he wouldn't be the only one blushing soon.

**Prussia was always very jealous each time Austria got married. Not only was he in love with the man, but he also knew that he was the only one who could make Austria truly happy.**

Gilbert's face went bright red while a few countries cooed over how cute he was, his blush grew, even more, when he noticed the cocky look that Roderich was giving him. 

"I think now's a good time to stop for the night!" Gilbert shouted before grabbing Alfred and Mathias by the arm's and running out of the room. A few people laughed at this before they eventually followed suit and left the meeting room. 


	6. The Awesome Trio Have A Talk

Gilbert, his face still very red, pulled Alfred and Mathias into one of the many abandoned meeting rooms. He peeked outside to make sure no one had followed them before he locked the door and turned to face the other two men. 

"So why did you drag us all the way here Gil?" Mathias asked curiously as the three of them took a seat at the weirdly small meeting table. 

"You were doing it again" Gilbert said softly which caused a confused expression to appear on Mathias' face. 

"What are you talking about?" He asked baffled only to jump when Alfred pounded his fist onto the table and gave him a stern look. 

"The fake smiling thing" He said which caused Mathias to become angry. 

"Oh, like your one to talk" He snapped back causing Alfred to shrink in on himself, Gilbert placed his hand on the younger nation shoulder and when Mathias noticed this his shoulders sagged sadly. 

"I'm sorry Alfie" He said softly before pulling the American into a hug, he wanted so badly to comment on how thin the man was but he didn't want to upset Alfred even further. 

"It's okay Mat" Alfred said before they fell into a comfortable silence, which Gilbert eventually broke. 

"Why don't you tell Lukas how you feel?" He asked softly causing Matthias to sigh sadly. 

"I want to but I just can't" He whispered softly. Alfred gave him a sad look. 

"How come?" He asked and Mathias just shook his head. 

"You know why" He mumbled sadly. Gilbert and Alfred shared a look before they pulled the Dane into a hug. 

"Things will turn out fine Mat" Gilbert said softly while Alfred nodded in agreement. They stayed in each other's arms a few minutes longer before pulling away. 

"Come on let's go get some dinner" Gilbert said while standing up before he and Mathias headed for the door. Alfred hesitated for a moment, he glanced down at his stomach briefly, before he followed after the other two. 

 


	7. Self Esteem Issues Brought To Light

The next day as everyone was filling into the meeting room Lovino was very adamant about not sitting next to Antonio. So adamant that he was willing to sit next to Ludwig, which certainly surprised a few others and also made a certain Spaniard pout. 

"I would like to read today" Roderich said, Ludwig shrugged before handing him the book. As he glanced at the next entry he winced, this would most definitely hurt Lovino. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I got Romano from Austria. I'm really excited to take care of him but I don't know how! I'm not sure I'm old enough! I wonder if his little brother will be easier to take care of... Romano won't mind, right? He doesn't even like me... Maybe Austria wants to trade Romano for Italy. - Spain**

Lovino stubbornly looked away from everyone else so that no one would see his tears, he had already known that Antonio had tried to trade him for his brother but just hearing about it all over again hurt so much. 

Antonio was about to get up so that he could comfort Lovino when Roderich read the next entry. 

**Romano started having self-esteem problems when Spain tried to trade him in for Feli. Now he distances himself from everyone because he's afraid that they too will eventually choose his brother over him.**

Antonio froze in his seat as a horrified expression appeared on his face, he was to blame for Lovino having such low self-esteem? How could he have been so cruel?

Feliciano pounced from his seat and over to his brother so that he could pull the crying man into a tight hug, he wished above all else that he could take his brother's pain away. 

"Lovi..." Antonio whispered brokenly as he finally got up to approach the Italian only to freeze when Feliciano whipped around to give him the darkest glare he had ever seen in his entire life.

"Don't you see you've hurt him enough?" He growled viciously surprising everyone, especially Antonio. 

"But I-" He tried to say only to be cut off by Feliciano. 

"No you don't get to apologize, the pain you've caused can never be undone" He barked out before helping his brother up before storming out of the room with him. Before they left however he gave Antonio one last glare and said,

"You don't deserve his love" 

With those words said the two Italians walked right out of the meeting room, leaving behind a shell shocked group of nations and a crying Spaniard. 


	8. Talks Between Italians

After storming out of the meeting room Feliciano continued to drag Lovino along until they came upon an empty meeting room. After making sure that no one had followed them, Felciano dragged his brother in and locked the door behind them. Feliciano took a deep breath before turning to look at his brother who had already taken a seat at the table. 

"You sure went off on him" Lovino said in amusement as he wiped the tears from his face, Felician huffed slightly before sitting down across from him. 

"I didn't say anything that wasn't true" He said offhandedly causing Lovino to snort in amusement before a frown appeared in his face. 

"Did you really mean what you said back there?" Lovino asked softly causing Feliciano to raise his eyebrow in confusion. 

"Your going to have to be more specific Lovi" He said teasingly only to sober up when he noticed the serious expression on Lovino's face. 

"About Antonio not deserving my love" He whispered softly causing Feliciano to frown sadly before he pulled his brother into a half hug as he sighed. 

"Kind of" He said which caused Lovino to give him a confused expression. 

"What I meant was as he stands now he doesn't" He explained which caused a curious expression to appear on Lovino's face. 

"Someone who has hurt you as much as he did, unintentionally or not, should be made aware of what he did. And if he genuinely tries to make up for it then he will be worthy of your heart if not then it's better to let him go now before he can hurt you further with his ignorance" Feliciano explained causing a thoughtful expression to appear on Lovino's face before he nodded in understanding. 

"Your right" Lovino whispered softly before subconsciously snuggling further into his brother's arms which made the other Italian smile largely. They stayed like that for a couple more minutes before Feliciano gently nudged Lovino's shoulder causing the older man to look up at him. 

"You ready to go back now?" He asked softly which caused Lovino to hesitate while a worried expression appeared on his face before he took a deep breath.  

"You'll stay by my side?" He asked worriedly causing a soft smile to appear on Feliciano's face. 

"Always" He said causing a smile to appear on Lovino's face before the two Italian's walked out of the room together. 


	9. Funny And Cute Entries

When the two Italians returned to the meeting room they noticed that the book hadn't been touched since they left. Once Ludwig noticed their confused expression's he decided to explain. 

"We decided to wait until you returned in case one of your entries showed up" He explained gaining two nods in understanding before the two men went to sit down. As soon as they were seated Alfred leaned over to talk with them. 

"Dudes you should have seen the way that Gilbert went off on Antonio after you left, it was kinda scary actually" He said which caused both Italians to glance at said Prussian who was talking softly with Roderich, their eyes then trailed over to look at Antonio who was staring down at his hands with a frown on his face. They then returned to the front but then Alfred leaned even closer to Lovino. 

"You okay?" He asked softly and Lovino nodded causing a relieved look to appear on Alfred's face before he returned his own attention back to the front. 

When Elizabeta noticed that Roderich wasn't going to end his conversation with Gilbert any time soon she rolled her eyes before picking up the book so that she could read. When she saw what the entry was she bit her lip to stop her self from laughing. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I hope Korea Gangnam Styles off a cliff. - China**

After everyone burst out laughing while Yong Soo cried out in shock. Elizabeta smiled before glancing at the next entry only to coo silently at what she saw. 

**America has a dog. A golden retriever, to be exact. He loves his dog dearly and takes him where ever dogs are allowed. Though he's been ratted out for taking him where dogs aren't allowed, too. Also, he set's up doggie dates with Japan, so he can play with Pochi while Alfred and Kiku talk.**

Quite a few nations cooed at this which caused the poor American to blush scarlet. Once she was done cooing Elizabeta smiled softly at the next entry. 

**For almost five years after WWII, Matthew called Francis weekly to make sure that he was healing and recovering properly.**

"Thank you again for doing that Matthieu" Francis said softly while he smiled at the Canadian who returned the smile. 

"May I read now?" Aurel asked sweetly which caused both Elizabeta and Vlad to look at him before Vlad turned to glare at her as if daring her to deny his little brother his request. Elizabeta glared at Vlad briefly before handing Aurel the book causing the boy to smile wildly. 

"Thank you miss Elizabeta" He said sweetly before he read the next entry. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Kiku beat me in Chinese checkers today. I will beat him next time though. BECAUSE I AM CHINA!!!! - China**

Everyone started laughing uncontrollably while Yao blushed in embarrassment. Though to everyone's surprise, the person laughing the hardest was Kiku. Aurel giggled some more when he noticed what the next entry was. 

**Dear Diary,**

**PANDAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - China**

Everyone laughter doubled in intensity until Yao slapped his hands down onto the table. 

"I think now's a good time to stop for the day~Aru!!" He shouted before running out of the room. Once everyone had calmed down they followed suit at a much more relaxed pace. 


	10. Sexual Content

The next morning everyone arrived without delay and took their seats, though everyone noticed Antonio speaking softly with Lovino and how Feliciano was giving him a suspicious look. Kiku, who had decided that he was going to read today, groaned silently at what the first entry was. 

**Dear Diary,**

**America-san asked me to say 'election' today... and burst out laughing when I did so... I do not understand what is so funny... someone please explain? - Japan**

Everyone laughed at this, none louder then Alfred, while Kiku just sighed in embarrassment before reading the next entry. 

**Secretly, Roderich is the kinky one.**

Roderich coughed into his fist in embarrassment while Gilbert blushed scarlet, of course, Alfred couldn't resist teasing him alongside Mathias, Francis and even Antonio. When Gilbert started whining Kiku decided now was a good time to continue reading. If he had bothered to read over the entry in advance he would know that he was about to embarrass the other German brother. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I slick my hair back for three reasons: it makes me who I am, I look like Sweden otherwise, and it covers the bit of my hair that if touched turns me on like there is no tomorrow. - Germany**

It was Ludwig's turn now to blush scarlet while Feliciano hugged his arm tightly with a sly smile on his face before he leaned in to whisper in Ludwig's ear. 

"I know where it is~" He whispered teasingly which only made Ludwig blush even more. Kiku smile in amusement at this before reading the next entry. He would come to regret not reading this one over ahead of time because it was just going to cause problems for a certain American. 

**Alfred loves to bottom... And on top of that, he's a confident bottom as well. He just loves how it feels for someone to be moving inside him. He feels dead sexy when he bottoms. He used to be ashamed of it since there's always been a stereotype associated with which position you take in bed. But then, after talking it through with someone he trusted, Alfred realized he didn't have to care. What position in bed he prefered was no reflection on his person and he now laughs at people who continue to think that way about him and others.**

Alfred blushed scarlet and shifted uncomfortably in his seat, sure he was confident about his position that didn't mean he wanted to tell the whole god damn world about it. Instead of being hit with insults he was met with acceptance quite a few nations actually told him how proud they were of him, which did wonders for his self-esteem, this all, unfortunately, went crashing down when Arthur made a single comment. 

"I always knew that the frog's influence would cause one of my children to become a whore" He said dismissively which caused both Francis and Alfred to flinch almost violently at the accusation. 

"You don't really mean that do you Angleterre?" Francis asked worriedly which caused Arthur to huff in disgust. 

"Of course I do" He said which caused silence to fall over the room which was broken by the sound of a chair being pushed back, everyone glanced up at Alfred who was staring at Arthur with an unreadable expression on his face. Everyone expected him to either shout at Arthur or maybe even burst into tears but instead, he simply nodded at the man before walking right out of the room. As soon as Alfred was gone Francis whirled around in his seat to glare at Arthur which startled the man greatly. 

"How could you be so cruel to your own child?" He questioned harshly and before Arthur could even attempt to defend himself Francis slapped him across the face before storming out of the room after Alfred. Matthew shot Arthur a glare as well before following after his papa and brother, leaving behind a very stunned British man. 

"I think now's a good time to stop for lunch" Ludwig said while giving Arthur a disapproving look before he and the rest of the nations left the meeting room. And all Arthur could do was gape at their retreating forms. 


	11. Tension Grows

Matthew and Francis sighed in frustration as they walked back into the meeting room, despite leaving not even a minute after Alfred they had not been able to track down the American. And now lunch break was over and still no sign of Alfred, just as Ludwig was about to send someone to find him  Alfred walked into the room and took his seat. Everyone couldn't help but notice how pale the man looked. 

"Do you mind if I read again Kiku?" He asked softly which startled quite a few people. Kiku blinked in surprise before handing Alfred the book. Alfred gave him a soft smile before he began to read, which snapped everyone back to reality. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I tried to get England to play with me again diary, I don't think he liked it much... Why doesn't he want to play with me? Did I do something wrong? - America**

Arthur winced slightly but before he could say anything Alfred began to read again, it was completely obvious that he was trying to ignore Arthur. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Today so many people ignored me. So I went out crying... But when I went to go cry alone... Arthur was there to help me not cry. It was the first time in ages since he's noticed me. I wish he could notice me from now on. - Canada**

Arthur turned to give Matthew a smile only to notice that the Canadian was stubbornly looking away from him, he winced at this.

**Dear Diary,**

**I can't believe Canada put up with me for a week after we went to see Paranormal Activity 3. He really is the best brother/teddy bear ever. - America**

Alfred grinned wider at this before pulling Matthew into a tight hug which was quickly returned. 

"You really are the best brother ever" Alfred whispered causing a smile to appear on Matthew's face. 

"You're a pretty awesome brother yourself Alfie" He said affectionately while hugging him even tighter. Due to the angel they were at no one noticed the faint frown that appeared on Alfred's face, it almost looked like he didn't believe Matthew. 

While the brothers were busy hugging Lovino managed to get his hands on the book, but instead of burning it like he had said he would he decided instead to just read it. He was going to wish that he had burned it after he read what the entry was.  

**Dear Diary,**

**I kissed Germany today! I was so tired of waiting and I wanted to so badly. He kissed back and ran away. I wonder if I can find him, I can kiss him again... - Veneziano**

Lovino let out an inhuman shriek before he threw the book straight at Ludwig's head before he attempted to pounce at the man. Thankfully Gilbert and Alfred, who managed to detangle himself from Matthew in time, were able to grab him and keep him from ripping Ludwig's throat out. Said German could do nothing more than stare at the in raged Italian in shock, while Feliciano just sighed. 

"Maybe you should read the next entry Luddy" Feliciano said causing the German to just nod before he picked up the book and began reading. 

**Due to similar tastes in fashion, Romano and Hong Kong get along surprisingly well. They'd get along even better if Hong Kong would just stop making fake Prada purses.**

Lovino paused in his attempts to escape from Gilbert and Alfred to give Leon an annoyed looked, which only resulted in the man giving him a cheeky grin. Ludwig breathed a sign of relief when Lovino stopped glaring daggers at him before he returned to reading the book. 

**Every year, on 9/11 Alfred refuses to do anything let alone get out of bed. The only person who can convince him to do little things like eating is his brother Matthew.**

The room was filled with a chilling silence as everyone stared at the silent American. Lovino slumped slightly and stared up at the younger nation in shock, Alfred grip on him loosened as he looked around the room nervously before he cleared his throat. 

"I think now's a good time to call it quits for the night" He said shakily before he spun on his heel and began speed walking out of the room, this time with Matthew right on his heels, the Canadian would be damned if he let his little brother disappear this time. 

Arthur went to get up as well only to feel a tight grip on his arm which forced him back into his seat, when he turned around he saw Francis giving him a glare before the Frenchman got up himself and followed after the two brothers. 

Slowly everyone got up from there seats and began leaving the meeting room, everyone couldn't help but worry about the American. 

Arthur didn't know it yet but he was in for a very very long night. 


	12. Arthur Doesn't Realize How Bad He's Messed Up

Arthur sighed in frustration as he made his way to his room. He still couldn't fathom why Alfred and Matthew were ignoring him or why Francis was so angry, it's not like what he said hadn't been true. They're all just making it seem like a bigger deal than it actually was. 

Once he reached his room he went to grab the doorknob only for the door to be pulled open from the inside causing him to stumble back a bit. Francis was standing in the doorway with an angry look on his face that sent chills down Arthur's back. Despite his better judgement he attempted to walk into the door only to have Francis push him back out. 

"Francis what are you doing? This is my room too!" Arthur snapped which did not have the desired effect of making Francis back down, instead, he became even angrier. 

"No you lost alright to our bed after what you said to Alfred" He said simply causing Arthur's jaw to drop in shock, which was quickly overpowered by his anger. 

"What! This is ridicules Francis let me in!" Arthur snapped before trying once again to get inside this time however Francis shoved him right onto the ground. Arthur growled before springing back up onto his feet, he faltered however when he noticed the angry tears streaming down Francis' face. 

"No what's ridicules is how you can call your own son, and by extension myself, a whore without any regret!" He shouted hysterically causing Arthur to take a step back in shock, he couldn't remember the last time Francis had really shouted at him like this. 

"Francis..." He tried to say only to trail off when Francis raised his hand to stop him while the other one angrily wiped away his tears. 

"I don't want to hear it" He said bitterly before turning his back on Arthur. 

"You can go sleep in one of the unused office rooms" Francis said before slamming the door shut in Arthur's face, leaving the Brit to stare at it in shock. He snapped out of his shock when he heard the sound of the lock clicking into place and his shock once again turned to anger. 

"Francis! Open this damn door right now!" He shouted as he pounded his fists onto the door angrily. His shouts were met with silence. He screamed in frustration before he kicked the door with all his might. 

"You stupid bitch!" He shouted and was about to pound on the door again when he heard a scoff from behind him. 

"Your the real bitch Arthur" The Prussian accented voice said humorlessly causing Arthur to spin on his heel only to stumble back when he saw the furious red eyes glaring at him. 

"What do you want Gilbert?" He snapped bitterly only to shout in shock when Gilbert socked him in the jaw causing him to fall to the ground again. All he could do was stare up at the furious albino in shock. 

"You look pathetic Arthur" Gilbert sniffed in disdain which had the desired effect of pissing the Brit off even more. Arthur jumped to his feet and glared angrily at Gilbert who just stared at him passively. 

"Oh don't glare at me Arthur I'm not here for you" Gilbert said dismissively before walking around the angry Brit so that he could knock on Francis' door. 

"Frannie, can I come in?" He asked softly and to Arthur's immense shock and frustration Francis actually opened the door and let Gilbert slip in before closing and locking it again. Arthur's eye twitched a few times before he once again screamed in frustration and punched the wall. He panted before turning on his heel and storming down the hall, this wasn't his fault it was that stupid git's. He would pay for turning everyone against him. 


	13. Arthur Causes All Sorts Of Problems

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know I never really intended to make Arthur an antagonist, but he makes such a good bad guy that I just can't help myself. He'll probably be redeemed later but for now, he's just a huge jerk.

Alfred sighed tiredly as he took deep breaths trying to calm his racing heartbeat down. He had just had a terrible nightmare about Arthur where he not only called him a whore again but also a number of other horrible names while everyone else laughed. 

He glanced over at his brother's bed to see if he had woken up and sighed in relief when he saw that he hadn't, with that worry out of the way he went back to working on his breathing. After doing that for a few minutes he slowly began to calm down, that is until someone pounded on the door causing him to jump in surprise and for Matthew to roll over in his sleep, but thankfully not wake up. 

Alfred got up and quickly opened the door only to scrunch his nose up when the overpowering scent of alcohol reached his nose. Standing in front of him was Arthur who was clearly drunk and was clutching a bottle of booze and all Alfred could think was, where the hell did he get it? It wasn't wine so it wasn't from Francis, it wasn't vodka so it wasn't from Ivan, it wasn't beer so it wasn't from Gilbert or Ludwig and he highly doubted Arthur would go to Allistor for booze so where did it come from? Before he could think on the matter further he just barely managed to avoid the punch that Arthur had aimed right for his head. 

"Wow, Artie what the hell?" Alfred exclaimed in shock which only seemed to piss Arthur off more as without missing a beat he pounced on top of Alfred, which startled him so badly that they fell to the floor and then Arthur swung the bottle he was holding into Alfred's face. 

It smacked him right in the face knocking off his glasses and bruising up his cheek, thankfully the bottle didn't break or the damage would have been worse. Quickly snapping out of his shock Alfred pushed the older man off of him and quickly got to his feet. With some difficulty, Arthur managed to do the same. 

"Arthur, what is your problem?" Alfred questioned as he once again avoided the punch aimed for his head.  

"What's my  _hic_  problem? What a  _hic_  laugh, you know damn _hic_ well what my problem is you little _hic_ bitch!" Arthur screamed which startled Alfred enough that Arthur managed to pin him to the wall, however, his scream was also loud enough to wake Matthew up. Who, once he saw that Arthur was going to hit Alfred with the bottle again, jumped out of bed and grabbed Arthur by his shirt collar and dragged him away from his brother. 

"Arthur what the hell is wrong with you" Matthew snapped angrily which did nothing to calm the enraged Brit down. 

"It's none of your damn  _hic_ business Matthew! Now let me  _hic_  at that damn wanker!" Arthur barked harshly while he struggled to get out of Matthew's hold. All this did was anger Matthew further, so he dragged Arthur over to the open door and threw him out before slamming and locking the door before Arthur could get his bearings. 

After that was done he quickly made his way to his brother's side, who had slumped to the floor and was breathing sporadically. Matthew sat in front of him and racked his brain trying to remember the breathing exercises that Lovino had taught them. 

"Alfred, Alfred look at me" He encouraged and after a few minutes Alfred lifted his head to look at Matthew. 

"Okay Alfred remember what Lovino taught you, breath in for 4 seconds" Matthew coached and Alfred took a deep breath. 

"Now hold for 7 seconds" He said and Alfred did as he said. 

"Then breath out for 8 seconds" He finished which Alfred did. After repeating the exercise a few more times Alfred had finally calmed down. He slumped into his brother's arms and rested his head on Matthew's shoulder. 

"Thanks, Mattie" He whispered softly and Matthew just hummed in acknowledgement, they both jumped when they heard the pounding on the door and Arthur's drunk shouting. Matthew just hugged Alfred more as they both waited for the shouting to stop. Eventually, after half an hour, the shouting stopped and so did the pounding on the door. 

Matthew sighed in relief before he looked down at Alfred and noticed the bruise forming on his cheek and that his glasses were missing. He glanced around before he spotted them, he leaned over to grab them and was relieved to see that they weren't broken. He then slipped them back onto his brothers face, who just gave him a tired smile. 

"Come on let's get you back to bed" Matthew whispered softly while he stood up with Alfred still clinging to him. He blinked in surprise when Alfred tightened his hold on him. 

"Can I sleep in bed with you?" Alfred asked shyly causing a warm smile to appear on Matthew's face. 

"Of course Alfie, of course" He said just as softly before leading them towards his bed. Alfred took his glasses off again and placed them on the nightstand before he curled up into Matthew's arms.

"Goodnight Mattie" He yawned tiredly gaining a chuckle of amusement from Matthew before he leaned over to kiss Alfred on the forehead. 

"Goodnight little brother" He whispered softly before he fell asleep himself. 


	14. And Just When We Thought The Tension Was Gone

The next morning the tension in the meeting room was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Alfred, Matthew and Francis were all sitting as far away from Arthur as they physically could. Said Brit was slumped over in his seat with a horrible hangover. 

Feliciano reached over to grab the book so that he could finally get a turn to read, when he saw who's entry it was his eyes snapped open in shock. 

"Feli what is it?" Ludwig asked which quickly gained everyone's attention. 

"This entry is from Grampa Rome!" Feliciano announced in shock which was quickly mirrored by everyone else. Wanting to know what his Grandfather wrote he quickly read the entry.

**Dear Diary,**

**Today I met the famous America. He wasn't at all how I expected. He was really cute actually~**

Feliciano paused from reading due to the loud squeak that Alfred made which caused almost everyone to laugh. Once everyone had calmed down Feliciano continued the entry. 

**When he talked he had this silly expression on his face, as if I've been a long lost friend who he hasn't seen in years. He stuffed dozens of questions in my face too. He even mentioned something about me being one of his "heroes". I was... pleased. I had a really great time with him. Now I know why Italy and so many other nations like having him around... - Rome**

Alfred smiled softly at this, getting to meet Romulus had been an amazing experience. Feliciano smiled at the American before reading the next entry. 

**Romano suffers from severe social anxiety. On major occasions, he hides in the closet or under the bed in hopes that he won't have to go. Spain has to talk him through it, and Romano refuses to leave his side the entire time.**

Lovino shrunk into his seat when he noticed everyone was staring at him, his breathing slowly began to pick up but he relaxed slightly when not only Antonio took his hand but so did Alfred. 

Feliciano gave his brother a sad look before he read the next entry in an attempt to divert everyone's attention away from his brother. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I love when my smaller lovers take control over me and dominate, it shows that they trust me and I trust them. - Russia**

Ivan's face went bright red as a few people laughed whiles others cooed over how cute he was. No one noticed the sly smirk that spread across Yao's face as he started to devise a plan. Feliciano giggled slightly before reading the next entry. 

**Prussia was the first to say "I love you" to Austria. He said it while Austria was cooking. Austria was so surprised he dropped the cake he had just finished baking.**

Almost everyone awed at this while Gilbert leaned over to kiss Roderich on the cheek, they both had matching blushes. 

"Can I read now Feli?" Antonio asked causing Feliciano to blink at him surprise before he handed him the book. Antonio grinned widely before he read the next entry. 

**Francis is more a gentleman then Arthur. Despite popular belief, he tends to want more than a physical relationship and when he loves someone he would do anything to make them happy.**

Arthur snorted bitterly at this causing the tension that had been slowly leaving the room to return with a vengeance.  Francis shifted uncomfortably in his seat when Arthur lifted his head to glare at him. To everyone's surprise, it was Matthew who spoke up. 

"Will you cut it out already Arthur?!" He snapped shocking everyone including Arthur. 

"What's your problem with me, Matthew?" Arthur asked only to flinch back when he saw the glare the Canadian was giving him. 

"My problem with you Arthur is that not only have you been verbally attacking my papa you have also been physically attacking my little brother" Matthew growled shocking everyone and as if by instinct everyone turned to look at Alfred and for the first time noticed the bruise on his cheek. This, of course, set almost everyone off. 

After a good 20 minutes of shouting at the Brit went by Ludwig finally called for a break causing everyone but Arthur to leave the meeting room. All Arthur could do was stare dumbly down at his hands as he tried to process what had just happened. 


	15. A New Couple Enters The Ring

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Due to one of the entries in this chapter, I now realize that Roderich and Gilbert's relationship is pretty incestuous but were just going to ignore that, okay? Okay.

Lunch had been a very tense affair so once everyone met back up at the meeting room the tension in the air was almost tangible. Without waiting for permission Vash picked up the book and began reading. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Today China was telling a story about how I used to think he was my mother. I guess he thought he was embarrassing me for fun... but it really just made me sad. He never figured out that when I used to tell him I loved him, I didn't mean it like he was my mom. He used to tell me he loved me too; did he mean it like I was his son, or was he just joking? It hurt, a lot. All this time I thought he felt the same. - Russia**

Ivan blushed scarlet in embarrassment while Yao stared at him shocked dismay. Did Ivan really feel that way? Without pausing to consider his actions Yao pounced into Ivan's arms startling the Russian. 

"I do love you Ivan, and not in a platonic way-Aru" Yao mumbled softly while he nuzzled Ivan's neck which flustered the Russian greatly, but the large smile that bloomed across his face was so genuine and happy that no one wanted to ruin the moment for them, not even the most cynical of the group. 

"Really?" Ivan whispered shyly and Yao instead of answering pulled him into a kiss which was quickly returned. As they broke apart and were smiling at each other shyly Vash decided now was a good time to continue reading, partly because he wanted to get it over with and another part to give the new couple some privacy. This plan didn't go quite so well considering who's entry was next. 

**If you call him cute... he will always deny it. - Russia**

"But you are cute Ivan" Yao huffed which only caused Ivan to whine and shake his head. Yao just sighed sadly at this. Before Yao could start ranting about how cute Ivan was Vash quickly read the next entry. He was going to wish he had read this entry over ahead of time. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I miss being with Germany, Prussia, and Austria. We are all siblings yet we have almost never seen one another since we were kids. I miss them. - Switzerland**

Vash's face went bright red as he shrunk into his seat to avoid everyone's surprised expressions. He glanced up slightly when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw that it was Roderich who was giving him a soft smile. 

"If you wanted to spend time with us Vash all you had to do was ask" He said kindly with a teasing undertone. Gilbert and Ludwig nodded as well causing a faint smile to appear on Vash's face. 

"How about we all have dinner together?" Ludwig offered and when he noticed Vash's attention turning towards Lillie he quickly interjected. 

"And of course Lillie is welcome as well, she is our sister after all" He said softly causing Vash smile to become more pronounced and a large smile to appear on Lillie's face. 

"I'd like that a lot" Vash whispered softly causing his siblings to smile largely at him, which of course made him blush some more. While her brother was distracted Lillie picked up the book so that she could read now, however she had thought to read the entry in advance and was now blushing scarlet while glancing at Ludwig with large eyes before she cleared her throat and began reading. 

**Germany get's terrible performance anxiety, so actually Italy is usually the one who takes the lead in bed. He tells Germany to go at whatever pace he needs to and also lets him indulge in some of his kinks occasionally. As far as being understanding, Italy definitely fits the Mediterranean stereotype of being the perfect lover.**

Ludwig and Feliciano went bright red as Vash quickly yanked the book out of Lillie's hands while he gave the two men a disapproving look. 

"Now is a good time to stop for the evening" Vash said before he and Lillie quickly fled the room, slowly but surely everyone followed suit. However, before Ludwig could leave he felt a hand on his shoulder and when he turned around to see who it was he tensed up when he saw that it was Lovino. 

"Ludwig, can I have a word with you?" He asked and without waiting for a response he started dragging the German out of the room. Ludwig gulped nervously but followed after the Italian none the less, hopefully, he would be able to make it to the dinner with his family just as long as Lovino didn't kill in the next little while. 


	16. An Italian And A German Have A Little Chat

After walking for a couple of minutes Lovino finally dragged Ludwig into an old office room, both of them ignoring the bedding in the corner, they had both already heard about how Francis had kicked Arthur out of their shared room so this must have been where the man had slept. 

Without even missing a beat Lovino pushed Ludwig into one of the office chairs before crossing his arms and giving the German a stern look which instantly made the man uneasy. 

"Now Lovino I know you don't approve of me and Feli being together but-" Ludwig trailed off when Lovino raised his hand, the Italian had an unreadable expression on his face so Ludwig wasn't sure if he was about to be yelled at or not. 

"Ludwig" Lovino began startling the German greatly, Lovino very rarely called him by his name with some kind of insult following suit.

"We have fought on like seventy-five different fronts and we will more then likely never be friends, but my brother loves you an awful lot so I am willing to make a truce for his sake" He explained causing Ludwig to stare at him in shock, Lovino is usually so confrontational and yet right now he's trying to be diplomatic. 

"So? Do we have a deal?" Lovino asked while raising an eyebrow. Slowly but surely Ludwig nodded in agreement causing the Italian to smile. 

"Good, now you should be off your family's probably waiting for you" He said while he waved his hand dismissively. Ludwig stood up and made his way to the door only to once again stop when he felt Lovino's hand on his shoulder. 

"Oh, one more thing Ludwig" Lovino said causing the German to turn to face him, he almost jumped in surprise when he saw the glare on the Italian's face. 

"If you ever hurt my brother and make him cry like that damn HRE did I will kill you" He threatened causing a shiver to run down Ludwig's spine as he quickly nodded. With that out of the way, Lovino's smile returned as he patted Ludwig's shoulder before he started heading for the door. 

"Glad we got that settled" He said before disappearing out the door. Ludwig took a deep shuddering breath as he placed his hand on the office desk to steady himself.

"When did he get so terrifying?" He whispered to himself before shaking his head to clear it as he also walked out the door. He had a family dinner to attend. 


	17. The Awesome Prussia Steals The Show

"So Francis are you still making Arthur sleep in one of the office rooms?" Antonio asked as Francis, Gilbert and himself made their way toward the meeting room the next day. He had heard from Lovino that he and Ludwig had found where the grumpy Brit had been sleeping. 

"Yes, and until he learns some respect he will continue to do so" Francis said while sticking his nose up into the air causing both Gilbert and Antonio to laugh. 

"Arthur's going to be in that dog house for a long ass time" Gilbert said through his laughter as the three of them walked into the meeting room. Thankfully Arthur wasn't there yet so he wouldn't be able to hear what Gilbert had just said about him. 

Once everyone had finally made their way to the meeting room Lillie, after Vash had checked what the entry was in advance, began to read the book. Though the two siblings couldn't help but laugh at what the entry was. 

**Once Prussia tried to set Gilbird up with one of Liechtenstein's chickens. They were almost to Denmark before Switzerland stopped shooting.**

Gilbert blushed slightly in embarrassment while everyone laughed, none louder then Lillie and Vash. After Lillie calmed down enough to read the next entry she almost cooed at what it was, who knew Gilbert could be so cute?

 **Prussia and Gilbird have a very close relationship, Prussia even promised to keep him safe. Even if it means dying for him.**  

A lot of people cooed at this while Gilbert blushed even more. When Lillie read the next entry her only thought was that Gilbert just wasn't catching a break today. 

**One of Germany's dogs is a toy poodle named Hans, who Prussia has basically adopted as his so to speak. Hans gets along well with his chicks, so he'll often take Hans and the chicks out to play and have a grand old time.**

Gilbert's face was almost as red as one of Antonio's tomatoes at this point with how much he was blushing. 

"He might as well be your dog at this point Gilbert" Ludwig said in amusement which caused a small smile to appear on the Prussian's face, even though he was more of a bird person he really did love that dog. 

Vash raised an eyebrow when he saw that Lillie was trying to withhold a coo, he leaned over her shoulder to see what the entry was only to smile softly at it. Without further delay, Lillie began reading the entry. 

**Gilbert used to tell Ludwig bedtimes stories, but he never told him that the "awesome knight" was actually Gilbert himself. Ludwig didn't figure it out until he was nearly full grown.**

Almost everyone cooed at this while the two brothers blushed. When Lillie saw that the next entry was about Gilbert she didn't give it a second thought before reading it, she didn't realize that this entry would cause things to become very sad. 

**Frederich The Great composed 100 flute sonatas during his lifetime. Gilbert can play half of them and wishes he could for Roderich.**

The mood of the room instantly took a turn as Roderich frowned in confusion but before he could question Gilbert Lillie quickly read the next entry, she wanted to get it out of the way as quickly as possible. 

**Prussia takes their relationship much more seriously than Austria does. Austria knows, but won't say anything.**

Roderich shifted uncomfortably in his seat as Gilbert looked down at his hands sadly. Francis frowned sadly at this, Gilbert had told him on numerous occasions how he wished Roderich would take their relationship a little bit more seriously. He shared a look with Antonio before he spoke up.   

"Think now's a good time to stop for lunch" Francis said before dragging the Prussian out of the room with Antonio right behind them. Mathias and Alfred shared a look before deciding to leave this up to Francis and Antonio. Slowly but surely everyone began leaving the room, but before Roderich could Elizabeta stopped him. 

"Roderich we need to talk" She said but Rodrich just walked around her. 

"Not now Elizabeta" He said as he walked away though before he left the room he did hear her mutter this,

"You can't avoid this conversation forever Roderich" 

A frown marred the Austrian's face as he muttered "Watch me" under his breath. 


	18. The Person And The Country

After lunch, everyone piled back into the meeting room, though unlike before Gilbert was no longer sitting beside Roderich. Instead, he was sandwiched in between Francis and Antonio, with Matthew and Lovino flanking them. 

Hercules yawned tiredly as he walked into the room and plopped down onto Sadik's lap before he picked up the book, causing a few people to raise an eyebrow in surprise. Without even pausing to read the entry he began reading. 

**He may be cruel to his siblings but he is the best uncle in the world in their eyes. - Scotland**

Alfred and Matthew smiled largely at Allistor who quickly returned their grins. Meanwhile, Arthur grumbled bitterly to himself, which was ignored by everyone. Hercules raised his eyebrows slightly in surprise as he read over the next entry, he glanced over at Gupta briefly before he read the entry. 

**Since the Roman Empire fell in love with both Ancient Greece and Ancient Egypt, he is Greece's and Egypt's father, making the two half-brothers.**

Gupta startled in surprise and glanced over at Hercules who was giving him a nervous look, which quickly disappeared when Gupta gave him a soft reassuring look. 

"Can I read now kitten?" Sadik asked softly, Hercules just absentmindedly handed him the book as he and Gupta talked softly. Sadik smiled in amusement before he read the next entry. 

**Alfred's ringtone for Ivan is Darth Vader's theme.**

Ivan shook his head in amusement as Alfred gave him a large cheeky grin. Sadik grinned in amusement along side everyone else before he read the next entry. 

**When Vlad and Elizabeta get into physical fights, Gilbert is the only one who can break it up. He's running out of ways to do it.**

Vlad and Elizabeta glared viciously at each other as Gilbert sighed in exasperation, he would never understand why they hated each other. Sadik snickered in amusement at Gilbert's exasperated look before he began reading the next entry, he didn't know it but this entry would cause a huge confrontation. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Why does Hungary hate me so much? - Romania**

Elizabeta blinked slightly in surprise before turning to face Vlad who was staring down at his hands with an uncomfortable expression on his face. 

"It's because of our history" She said bitterly but Vlad just shook his head as he glanced up at her.

"No I mean on a personal level, why do you hate me. I'm asking you as Vlad not as the country of Romania" He said seriously surprising quite a few nations including Elizabeta. 

"I uh" She stuttered in shock causing Vlad to sigh. 

"So it's just our history then" He said in understanding before standing up and heading for the door which snapped Elizabeta out of her shock. 

"And what about you? What's your reason?" She snapped causing him to pause. He turned to face her with a sad smile on his face. 

"I greatly despise the country of Hungary this is true, but Elizabeta? No, I've never personally hated you" He said before walking out of the room leaving the room in a stunned silence, which was broken by Aurel rushing out of the room after his big brother. 

"I think we should call it quits for the night" Gilbert said which everyone quickly agreed with before leaving the room. Which left behind a very stunned Hungarian. 


	19. Secret Relationship

Aurel sighed sadly as he continued to search through the halls for his brother. He hated it when his brother disappeared like this when he was upset, he tended to do very reckless and irresponsible things. 

"Aurel? What are you doing out here? " A Russian accented voice asked from behind him. When he turned around he saw Ivan sticking his head out of his room with a curious expression on his face. 

"I'm still looking for Vlad" Aurel explained sadly causing a frown to appear on the Russians face before he opened his door further and gestured for him to come in. 

"It's very late Aurel, why don't you stay here for the night and we'll look for your brother tomorrow morning?" He suggested. Aurel glanced behind himself worriedly before sighing and walking into the Russian's room. 

"Your right" He said as he walked into the room, he blinked in surprise when he saw Yao sitting on the other bed reading. When he heard Aurel's voice he looked up and gave the boy a kind smile. 

"Hello Aurel, what are you doing here?" He asked softly and before Aurel could say anything Ivan answered for him. 

"Aurel going to stay here tonight. Is that okay?" He asked and the Chinese man just nodded before placing his book down and moving over causing a shy smile to appear on the Russians face before he turned to face Aurel. 

"You can have my bed, okay Aurel?" He said and the boy nodded before moving over to the other bed and snuggling under the covers. 

"Goodnight Ivan, Yao" He called out and the two men responded before they all went to bed. Though as he fell asleep Aurel couldn't help but wonder where his brother was. 

**< ><><><>**

Vash sighed in exasperation as he walked into the workout room, which for some reason had a section for acrobatics, and watched as the frowning Romanian walked across the beam on his hands.  _(It's my headcanon that Vlad is an amazing acrobat)_

"I knew I'd find you here" He said causing Vlad to turn to face him before he flipped off of the beam. The Romanian sighed as he rolled his shoulders before he walked up to Vash with a small smile on his face. 

"Hey Vash" He said softly causing the Swiss to sigh before he pulled the man into a hug. Vlad instantly melted into the hug. 

"How are you feeling?" Vash asked softly causing the Romanian to sigh. 

"I'm fine" He said to which Vash just shook his head in exasperation. 

"You wouldn't be in the workout room at 3 am if you were alright" He said making Vlad laugh a little bit. 

"Is it really that late?" He asked cheerfully which only made Vash sigh again. 

"You're avoiding the question" Vash said sternly which instantly sobered Vlad up.

"I'm serious Vash I'll be fine, I got the answer I wanted after all" He said in a fake cheery tone which caused Vash's frown to deepen. 

"No you didn't" He said causing Vlad to sigh.

"Can we just forget about it, for now, I'm tired" Vlad said while leaning further into Vash's embrace. Vash sighed before a small smile appeared on the Swiss' lips. 

"Alright I'll let it go for now" He said making a smile appear on the Romanian's lips.

"Good let's go to bed" He said happily before dragging the man out of the room, making a larger smile to appear on Vash's face.  

"You know what I like most about world meetings?" Vash asked suddenly causing Vlad to pause and give him a confused look. 

"What?" He asked curiously while tilting his head to the side causing a soft smile to appear on the Swiss' face.

"I get to spend more time with you" Vash said softly causing Vlad to blush adorably. 

"Your such a flirt Vash" He said flustered with a happy grin on his face. Vash just chuckled softly while leaning down to kiss the Romanian's cheek before he dragged him into their room. 


	20. Nordic Entries

The next morning as everyone was walking into the meeting room Aurel instantly attached himself to his brother's leg as soon as he spotted him. 

"Brother where did you go last night? I looked everywhere" Aurel asked worriedly. Vlad just chuckled softly while he ruffled Aurel's hair. 

"I was just spending time with a... friend" He explained. No one noticed the way he hesitated before saying, friend. With that said the two brothers took their seats. 

Sadik made a move to grab the book again only to pause when he felt someone tap his shoulder. When he turned around he saw Emil standing behind him with a nervous expression on his face. 

"Can I read now?" He asked nervously causing a large grin to appear on the Turks face. 

"Of course Kiddo" He said while handing the boy the book causing a shy smile to appear on his face before he scurried back to his seat. Once seated he began reading. 

**Finland is a compulsive shopper. He will buy things (such as pointless knick-knacks) on a complete whim. He can enter a store with a predetermined list of things he wants/needs, but come out with twice that amount.**

All of the Nordics snorted in amusement at this while Tino blush in embarrassment. Emil shook his head in amusement before he read the next entry. 

**Sweden stays up at night, worrying about what will happen to Sealand and Ladonia if they are no longer considered micronations.**

Said micronations turned to look at Berwald in surprise while a faint blush appeared on the man's cheeks. Tino reached over and grasped Berwald's hand and squeezed it in a comforting manner while the other Nordics gave the man soft smiles. Emil smiled to himself as he returned his attention to the book. When he saw what the entry was he couldn't help but snicker to himself before he read it aloud. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Iceland forgot Puffin at home today... the thing just keeps looking at me. I don't know what to do with it... Help... - Norway**

Everyone burst out laughing, none louder then Emil, while Lukas blushed. After he calmed down Emil read the next entry without looking it over first, he did not yet realize that this entry would give away his scheme. 

**Iceland never says "big brother" because he saves it for when he needs Norway to agree with him.**

Lukas openly gaped at Emil who was blushing in embarrassment while Mathias laughed loudly. Once Lukas snapped out of his shock he quickly grabbed Mathias tie to shut him up. 

"Stupid Dane" He muttered in annoyance, not noticing the hurt expression on said Dane's face. Emil frowned slightly at this before shaking his head and reading the next entry. 

**Dear Diary,**

**After all these wars my entire body is weakened from the dip in my population, but still, I will not give up. My country may be smaller than most of theirs, but I will never let them take me. I will fight for my place in this world if that is what it takes. - Denmark**

The mood in the room instantly took on a sombre note as Mathias refused to look at anyone, except for Emil who he gestured for to continue. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I only drink so much so I can forget all the pain I caused the other Nordics in the past... - Denmark**

The Nordic's, with the exception of Mathias, gasped in shock. They always scolded the Dane for drinking so much, but to find out that they were why he drank was world shattering. 

"Continue Emil" Mathias said in a cold tone of voice, which surprised everyone especially Emil who quickly continued to read. 

**Denmark knows that he annoys Norway, but he tries his hardest not to. He feels that if he's unhappy then Norway will feel unhappy too, so Denmark keeps a smile on his face constantly. Those small moments when he makes Norway smile, Denmark feels like he's special to someone and not useless.**

"Mathias..." Lukas whispered in shock as he stared at the frowning Dane, who was refusing to meet his eyes. Before he could continue Emil cut him off. 

**Denmark is a lonely person. He's not completely unaware of Norway's teasing; he overlooks it and laughs it off so as to keep him around.**

Lukas flinched almost violently at this, but before he could say anything Emil quickly interjected. 

**Denmark has never told any of the Nordic's but due to Norway pulling on his tie whenever he annoys him the Dane's vocal cords have become so stressed that he might lose his voice forever.**

Lukas froze in horror as his head snapped up to stare at Mathias, only to see his retreating back as he ran out of the room. Lukas sprang up and chased after the Dane, leaving the room in chilling silence. 

"We should break for lunch" Tino said before he and the other Nordic's rushed out of the room. And slowly but surely everyone left the meeting room as well. 


	21. Eavesdropping Norwegian

Lukas sighed in frustration as he continued to search for Mathias. He had separated himself from the other Nordic's a while ago. Since he had convinced Berwald and Tino to get Emil some lunch much to the Icelandic boy's annoyance. They had only agreed because if anyone was going to find the Dane it was going to be him, and yet he still couldn't find him anywhere. 

He leaned against the nearest wall and sighed as he ran his hand through his hair. He still couldn't believe everything that had been in Mathias' entries, he had no idea he had been hurting the Dane this whole time. Pulling on his tie to shut him up had just become a habit he had no idea it could cause such an awful side effect. He felt awful what if Mathias had really lost his voice, would the Dane even let him know it was his fault? He doubted it. 

He pushed himself off of the wall so that he could continue only to pause when he heard voices coming from one of the old meeting rooms, it was too small for world meetings so it was forgotten about. He crept up to it and slowly pushed the door open, just enough so that he could see inside but no one could see him. 

He peeked in and saw Alfred pacing back and forth with some papers in his hand looking incredibly stressed, a little ways away was Gilbert speaking to Mathias with a worried expression on his face. Lukas narrowed his eyes slightly as he leaned in a bit closer so that he could hear what they were saying. 

"Really Mat why did you never tell us?" Gilbert asked causing Alfred to pause in his pacing and for Mathias to sigh. 

"I didn't want to worry anyone" Mathias explained tiredly. Lukas clenched his fist, he so badly wanted to call the Dane an idiot but he didn't want to draw attention to himself yet. Besides, it looked like Alfred was about to lose it anyways. 

Alfred spun on his heel to face Mathias with an almost crazed laugh escaping him, matching the exasperated expression on his face as he waved the papers in his hand around. 

"Worry us? Mathias are you insane! You keeping this a secret has only worried us more!" He shouted, Mathias, crossed his arms and gave Alfred an unimpressed look.

"And what would me telling you have changed?" He asked rhetorically, Gilbert went to interject but Alfred was already on a role. 

"Oh I don't know, maybe we could have helped you! You aren't helping anyone by suffering alone Mathias!" Alfred snapped causing a humourless laugh to escape the Dane which startled Lukas and made Gilbert and Alfred uneasy. 

"You are such a hypocrite Alfred" He said as he stood up. Alfred and Gilbert shared a confused look as the Dane walked closer to Alfred. 

"You want me to come to you with my problems but you don't even trust us with yours!" He snapped causing Alfred to freeze in horror and a confused expression to appear on Gilbert's face. Lukas furrowed his eyebrows, what could Alfred possibly hiding be that would cause Mathias to react in such a way? 

"H-how do you know about that?" Alfred asked worriedly causing Mathias to scoff. 

"It wasn't that hard to figure out Alfred. You skip meals like it's nothing and when you do eat you always disappear right after and always come back looking as pale as a ghost" Mathias said causing Gilbert's eyes to widen in realization before his attention turned to Alfred who was shaking. 

Lukas leaned away from the door to process what he had just heard, did Alfred have what he thought he had? Oh god if he did Berwald and Tino were going to lose it! They love the American like their own son. He really did not want to be the one to tell them, he'll wait till the book does it cause this is too big of a secret not to be in it. He shook his head to clear it before leaning back in to see what was going on. 

"Alfie are you..." Gilbert trailed off when Alfred nodded weakly while curling in on himself. Gilbert shared a look with Mathias who had a sad expression on his face, this wasn't how he wanted to breach the subject but there was nothing they could do now. 

"It doesn't matter" The American muttered while looking away which caused annoyed expressions to appear on the others faces. 

"And why's that Alfred?' Gilbert asked angrily only for him and Mathias to stumble back when Alfred whirled around with an angry expression on his face. 

"Because  **I**  DON'T MATTER!!!" He shouted hysterically before breaking down into uncontrollable sobs while collapsing to his knees. Horrified expression's appeared on Gilbert and Mathias' faces before they rushed over to Alfred's side trying to comfort the sobbing American. 

Lukas looked away uncomfortably. He shouldn't be seeing this, this was a moment between friends. He wasn't super close to the American but he still cared about him and seeing him so broken was just heartbreaking. He glanced back when they started talking again. 

"Alfie you do matter, please don't think like that" Mathias whispered worriedly while hugging the American closer to him. Alfred sniffled while he nodded weakly into the Danes' chest. Mathias looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder. 

"That applies to you to Mat" Gilbert said causing a faint sigh to escape the Danes lips. 

"You too Gil" He said causing the Prussian to snort before glancing down at Alfred who eyelids were drooping. 

"We should get him to his bed" Gilbert said causing Mathias to sigh worriedly as he stared at the tired American. 

"It's lunch and he hasn't eaten at all" He muttered in concern causing Gilbert to nod sadly. 

"I know but there's not much we can do now" He said causing Mathias to nod. Lukas bit his lip worriedly, if he stayed here they'd see him but if he left he would lose his chance to speak with Mathias. He sighed before pushing the door open further to gain their attention. 

"Mathias can we talk" He said confidently, not letting them see all of his insecurities that he had about talking to the Dane. Gilbert and Mathias shared a look before Mathias sighed and nodded towards him. Gilbert picked Alfred up and sent Mathias one more look before heading for the door. 

As he passed Lukas he paused briefly and gave him a very stern look before muttering something under his breath so that only the Norwegian could hear him. 

"You better not hurt him any more than you already have or you will regret it" 

With that threat said he left the room with Alfred leaving him alone with Mathias who was still sitting on the ground. Lukas took a deep breath before approaching the apprehensive Dane, this was going to be a very long talk. 


	22. Tears And Promises

"What is it you wanted to talk about Lukas?" Mathias asked in a small tone of voice which caused Lukas' eyebrow to twitch in annoyance, he felt his hand make a move for Mathias' tie but he quickly stopped himself. 

"You know exactly what I want to talk about" He said coldly causing Mathias to wince slightly as he stood up and sat back down in one of the chairs, he gestured for Lukas to do the same so he complied. 

"Alright let me have it" Mathias said while looking away from him which caused a frustrated frown to appear on the Norwegian's face. 

"No, I want you to explain to me why you kept something so fucking important a secret!" Lukas snapped startling Mathias, he whipped his head back around to face Lukas and jumped slightly when he saw the pissed off expression on his face. 

"Lukas" Mathias breathed in shock and Lukas just shook his head in frustration as he stood up and started pacing so that he wouldn't pull on his tie. He paused in his pacing when he felt his foot hit something, when he looked down he saw it was the stack of paper that Alfred had been holding earlier. He must have dropped them, Lukas mused as he leaned down to pick them up only for Mathias to swoop in and snatch them away from him. Lukas looked up and gave Mathias an annoyed look but the Dane wasn't looking at him. 

"Mathias hand it over" Lukas said but Mathias just shook his head and held the papers above his head so that Lukas couldn't reach them. The Norwegian huffed and gave him a very unimpressed look. 

"Really Mathias?" Lukas questioned in disbelief and the Dane just shrugged. Lukas sighed in annoyance as his hand instinctively reached for his tie only to pause half away there when he realized what his hand was doing, instead he slammed his elbow into the Danes stomach which winded him and caused his hands to lower enough for Lukas to grab the papers. And while Mathias was distracted Lukas started reading them, he stiffened when he realized what they were about. 

They were Mathias' medical records, specifically about his throat and how bad the damage really was. Any more stress put on his vocal cords would damage them so far beyond repair that he would never speak again. 

"My Gods Mathias" Lukas whispered, he already knew that the Dane was losing his voice potentially forever but to actually see the evidence was shocking. He heard a sigh and turned to face Mathias who was staring at him sadly. 

"I didn't want you to see how bad it was" He said which frustrated Lukas greatly, he reached out and grabbed Mathias' tie shocking the Dane but instead of pulling on it he untied it and flung it away from them. 

"Lukas why did..." Mathias trailed off in shock as he looked at the frustrated tears streaming down the Norwegians faces. Lukas reached up and pounded on Mathias' chest as sobs started escaping his lips. Mathias grabbed his hands causing Lukas to lean his head against the Danes' chest. Mathias kneeled down so that he could hold the Norwegian better. 

"Why did you continue wearing that stupid tie if it was getting this bad?" Lukas questioned through his sobs causing a sigh to escape the Danes lips. 

"Because it kept you around" Mathias said softly causing Lukas to look up at him in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" He asked baffled causing another sigh to escape Mathias. 

"I'm an annoying asshole who doesn't deserve the friends I somehow have, but I cherish them all so dearly so if losing my voice is the only way to keep you around then it was worth it" He explained stunning Lukas greatly. 

"You idiot" He whispered before he pulled the Dane into a tight hug. Mathias stumbled back in shock but quickly returned the hug. 

"You are an amazing individual who I lo-care about an awful lot, so don't do something like this ever again or so help me" Lukas threatened softly causing a faint smile to appear on Mathias' face. 

"Okay" He whispered fondly. Lukas lifted his head from Mathias' chest to give him a pointed look. 

"I'm serious Mathias you better not keep something like this a secret again" He threatened and Mathias' grin grew slightly as he nodded. 

"I promise" He whispered. Lukas stared right into his eyes before nodding in satisfaction. They stayed holding each other like that for a while, so long in fact that both of their eyes started to droop. 

"Come on let's head to bed" Mathias said while he helped Lukas to his feet. The Norwegian just nodded as the Dane lead him towards the door, before they left, however, Lukas picked up Mathias' tie. 

"I'm going to burn this" He said seriously causing Mathias to laugh as they continued to walk out the door, he felt lighter then he had in years. Taking off the tie would not magically cure his throat, or his self deprecating habits, but it was the first step to getting better. 


	23. Brotherly Bonding

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This takes place while Mathias and Lukas are having their talk

After getting Alfred to bed Gilbert made his way to the cafeteria. The mood in the room was very sombre especially around the three remaining Nordics, Gilbert spared them a look before going over to talk with Ludwig. 

"Hey, Luddy can we talk for a minute?" He asked as he approached the German. Ludwig raised an eyebrow before shrugging, he briefly talked with Feliciano who walked away to give the brothers some privacy.  

"What do you want to talk about Gilbert?" Ludwig asked as the two brothers took a seat at a vacant table. 

"I think we should all take a break from the book for the rest of the day" Gilbert said which caused Ludwig to raise an eyebrow in confusion. 

"And why's that?" He asked while tilting his head to the side.

"We've been reading the thing none stop for days and we're all stressed, plus Alfred, Lukas and Mathias more than likely won't be rejoining us for the rest of the day" Gilbert explained causing Ludwig to slowly nod in agreement. 

"Your right we all deserve a break, will you help me spread the news?" He asked while standing up only for him to pause as he suddenly realized something. 

"Wait, I understand why Lukas and Mathias wouldn't come back but what's wrong with Alfred?" Ludwig asked in confusion, but Gilbert was already long gone spreading the news of the break to the others. Ludwig's eyebrows furrowed in confusion before he shook his head and went off to find Feliciano. If Gilbert didn't deem it important enough to inform him then it wasn't any of his business. 

What he didn't realize was that a certain Canadian had overheard him. A concerned look appeared on Matthew's face before he rushed off towards his and Alfred's shared room to see if the American was there. Once in the room, he let out a breath of relief when he saw his brother fast asleep on his bed, his concern, however, came back with a vengeance when he saw the tear tracks on his face. 

Matthew made his way over to his brother and sat on the edge of the bed. He reached his hand out and gently ran his fingers through his brother's hair, being careful to avoid his cowlick. Alfred made a content humming sound in his sleep as he leaned into Matthew's fingers. Matthew chuckled softly at the action.

"Oh, Alfie what am I going to do with you?" He whispered fondly. He got up briefly to grab a book before settling back down next to Alfred so that he could continue to run his fingers through his hair. It reminded him a lot of when they were younger and he would comfort Alfred after a nightmare and vice versa, he missed those times an awful lot. 

"Mattie?" Alfred whispered groggily as he glanced up at his brother. Matthew gave him a soft smile. 

"Don't worry Alfie I got you" He whispered softly causing a happy/sleepy grin to appear on his face before he snuggled back into Matthew's side and fell back asleep. Matthew chuckled to himself once more before returning to his book. He'd wake the American up later for dinner but for now he just enjoyed his little brothers company. 


	24. Former Pirates And Their Entries

The next morning everyone returned to the meeting room feeling much more relaxed thanks to the break they had yesterday. Lovino yawned tiredly as he picked up the book and flopped down into his seat and, without even waiting for everyone to settle down, he began reading

**When Spain's thinking like really thinking, he chews on his cross. Like, he puts it in his mouth and kinda. Just. Plays with it.**

Everyone burst out laughing while Antonio blushed as he played with said cross. Once Lovino calmed down enough to focus on the book he started reading again. 

**England and Spain like to play Battleship. It reminds them of their pirate days. The game usually ends with Spain crying, "No! My Armada!"**

Everyone burst out laughing once again including Antonio and Arthur. Though Alfred, Francis and Lovino were laughing the hardest as they had on numerous occasions walked in on the two playing Battleship and it really did end like that. Lovino took a couple of deep breaths before he read the next entry.

**Dear Diary,**

**Francis came for a visit today, and he brought his little Matthew with him. Such an adorable child! I was worried that Lovino wouldn't get along with him, but things turned out pretty well, all things considered. - Spain**

"All things considered? Antonio, they set your shed on fire!" Francis exclaimed in disbelief, to which Antonio just shrugged sheepishly causing everyone else to laugh while Lovino and Matthew shared a wicked smile. 

"That's nothing compared to when the tea bastard brought Alfred over for the first time. We ended up sword fighting in the middle of the hallway, we destroyed at least 7 vases, 4 paintings and a suit of armour" Lovino said which caused everyone to laugh even harder. 

"Don't forget we also accidentally cut one of the maid's hair, she was really mad but I think she looked better with short hair" Alfred commented and Lovino nodded sagely in agreement which of course increased everyone's laughter. Alfred and Lovino shared a grin before Lovino read the next entry, he didn't know that this entry would cause the laughter to cease. 

**France took England in and nursed him back to health after the Great Fire of 1666. England was unconscious and on the brink of death for a short while afterwards and has no memory of this.**

The laughter in the room instantly ceased and was replaced with sombre silence. Arthur stared at Francis in shock before he gave the man a grateful smile, which was weakly returned before Francis turned away from him which reminded Arthur that they were still not talking to each other which caused his smile to turn into a frown. 

"May I read Lovino?" Francis asked and Lovino just shrugged before handing the Frenchman the book so that he could read. He blushed slightly in embarrassment when he saw what the entry was before he read it aloud. 

**France and Prussia argue over who Spain likes more.**

Gilbert started blushing alongside Francis as almost everyone started cooing. Antonio blinked in surprise before smiling and pulling his two friends into a group hug. 

"Oh amigos you know I like you both equally" He said cheerfully causing smiles to appear on both Gilbert and Francis' faces. While the BTT were having their moment Lovino leaned in next to Alfred with a playful smirk on his face. 

"Besides we already know he likes me the most" He said playfully causing Alfred to laugh, though he tried to cover it up with his hand. Once the BTT were done having their moment Francis started reading again. 

**Spain always seeks love advice from France and that's why he's still single.**

Antonio pouted while everyone else laughed. Francis gave Antonio a smile as he patted him on the shoulder. 

"Don't take it to badly Toni I had to make sure no one stole you from Lovino" He said teasingly making both Antonio and Lovino blush scarlet while everyone else laughed even harder. Antonio stood up and cleared his throat. 

"I think now's a good time to break for lunch" He said before scurrying out of the room much to everyone's amusement and after a minute or two everyone started getting up and leaving the meeting room as well. Lovino just groaned and buried his face into his hands, he glanced up when he felt someone touch his shoulder. 

"Come on Fratello, let's go get some lunch!" Feliciano said cheerfully, Lovino sighed before getting up and giving his brother a small smile. 

"Alright let's go" He said causing the younger Italian to cheer as he grabbed his brothers arm and dragged him out of the meeting room. 


	25. Brothers Big And Small

After lunch, everyone returned to the meeting room in high spirits. Before Francis could pick the book back up Gilbert swiped it from him and began reading. 

**America honestly cares about Canada... as his brother and as his best friend. And he feels more guilty than anyone else for overlooking him.**

Alfred stared down at his hands sadly with a small frown on his face. Matthew sighed before he reached over and pulled the American into a hug. 

"It's okay Alfie" He whispered softly causing a faint smile to appear on the American's face. Everyone softly smiled at the touching scene before Gilbert started reading again. 

**Monaco appreciates that France takes care of her, and views him as a great older brother. But sometimes she thinks he's a little too overprotective and wishes he would just let her live her own life.**

Francis suddenly stood up and walked over to where Lucille was sitting and without missing a beat pulled her into a tight hug. 

"Nope, your my precious little sister. I must protect you from all the evil things in the world" He said causing Lucille to sigh in exasperation, much to everyone's amusement. Gilbert snickered to himself before he read the next entry. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Korea changed my ringtone to Gangnam Style. I don't know how to change it back. - China**

Everyone burst out laughing, none louder then Yong Soo, while Yao pouted. 

"It's still like that~Aru!" He grumbled which only made everyone laugh even harder. Alfred attempted to keep a straight face as he held his hand out towards Yao. 

"I can fix it if you want?" He offered and Yao was quick to hand his phone over, he failed to notice the mischievous glint in the American's eyes. He fiddled with Yao's phone for a few minutes before handing it back.

"Thank you, Alfred, but what did you change it to?" Yao asked while staring at his phone, by doing that he missed the small smirk that briefly appeared on Alfred's face. 

"Why don't you find out" Alfred suggested cheerfully. Yao raised an eyebrow before shrugging and clicking on the ringtone only for the Russian National Anthem to start playing which made both Yao and Ivan blush while everyone else burst out laughing, none louder then Alfred. 

"Please continue reading Gilbert!" Yao squeaked out while he shut his phone off, Gilbert took a few deep breaths to calm down before he continued to read. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I wish big brother smiled more often. He used to be so cheerful when we were small. He always played with me, comforted me when I was hurt... Being with Spain and Romano keeps me happy, but I would give so much to see Netherlands like he used to be... - Belgium**

Laura gave her brother a sad smile which he attempted to return, but it ended up being more of a ghost of a smile than anything else. Though it did become a bit more noticeable when he felt someone grab his hand, he was always at his happiest whenever he was with his boyfriend. Abel squeezed his hand in thanks which caused a faint blush to appear on the man's cheeks, he was so cute when he blushed. 

Gilbert cleared his throat to regain everyone attention before he once again began reading the book. He mainly did it so no one would notice the blush on his friend's cheeks, he promised to help keep his and Abel's relationship a secret after all. 

**Dear Diary,**

**When will people start to remember that there aren't just two Vargas Brothers? - Seborga**

Lovino and Feliciano quickly reached over to pull their brother into a tight brotherly hug. 

"Don't worry Sebastian we'll never forget" Feliciano said cheerfully while Lovino nodded in agreement causing a large smile to appear on Sebastian's face as he hugged his brothers back. A few people cooed at this much to the Italian's embarrassment. Gilbert snickered in amusement before he started reading again, he was starting to get tired of reading. 

**Dear Diary,**

**If I had known then the monster I would be in his eyes now, I would have found a different way to show my little brother I love him. - Scotland**

Arthur's eyes widened in shock as he looked up to stare at Allistor who simply nodded at him. Matthew, noticing the tension between the two UK brothers, quickly ended the meeting for the day. With some help from Alfred since some people didn't notice him. And soon everyone had left the meeting room except Arthur and Allistor, the former being to shocked to move while the latter sighed and slowly stood up and walked over towards his brother. 

"Arthur, can we talk?" Allistor asked softly and all Arthur could do was nod numbly in agreement as he stared up at the sullen Scot. 


	26. A Confrontation Between Brothers

Allistor took a seat in the chair next to Arthur and turned so that he could face him, only to roll his eyes when he noticed that Arthur was stilling staring at him with a shocked expression on his face. 

"You can stop staring at me like a dear in headlight's anytime Artie" He grumbled which instantly snapped Arthur out of his trance and his shocked expression morphed into a disgruntled one. 

"Did you only want to mock me or do you actually have something intelligent to say!" Arthur snapped causing a sigh to escape Allistor. 

"You really don't have a brain to mouth filter do you, Arthur?" He asked rhetorically to which Arthur just glared at him. 

"What's that suppose to mean?" Arthur asked bitterly causing another sigh to escape the Scot's lips. 

"It means you act like a child when someone disagrees with you" He said simply which instantly infuriated the Brit, he slammed his fists onto the table and stood up so that he could appear bigger next to Allistor who simply raised an eyebrow. 

"I will not sit here and be insulted!" He barked before moving to leave the room only to freeze when Allistor made a simple sarcastic remark.

"Is that why you won't apologize to Francis or Alfred? Because your worried your precious ego might be bruised?" 

Arthur whirled around to look at Allistor only to stumble back a bit when he noticed the glare on the Scot's face. 

"What?" He breathed out in shock, to which Allistor scoffed. 

"You heard me, is your ego so precious to you that you willingly hurt your own family just to keep it intact?" He asked rhetorically. Arthur stared at him dumbfounded for a few minutes before that shock turned to anger. 

"And what's your excuse huh? You made my childhood a living hell! And now you're going to question my actions and scold me for them? Well, aren't we hypocritical Allistor!" Arthur shouted angrily. Allistor growled in frustration as he stood up and stalked over to where Arthur was standing. 

"I know damn well that I fucked up with raising you and mother probably hates me, but at least I own up to my mistakes and am willing to make amends!" He shouted back causing Arthur to once again stumble back in shock. Allistor took a deep breath and the anger dissolved from his face and was replaced with a sombre expression. Without missing a beat he pulled Arthur into a hug shocking the Brit even more. 

"I am an awful older brother who hurt you beyond belief and I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but I want you to know I do love you Little Lamb" He said softly causing Arthur eyes to widened and tear up slightly. Little Lamb was a nickname that Allistor had given him when he was younger and their mother was still alive but after she faded he stopped calling him that and the bullying began. Tears fell from his eyes as he hugged his brother back. 

They stayed in each other's arms like that for a while before Allistor gently untangled them and looked away to give Arthur some privacy to wipe the tears from his face. 

"You haven't called me Little Lamb in a long time" He said softly as he finished wiping the tears from his face, Allistor chuckled softly. 

"It seemed appropriate" He said causing Arthur to nod before a frown appeared on his face, he looked up and stared into Allistor's eyes. 

"I'll never forget what happened in the past but I'm willing to give you another chance" He said softly causing a warm smile to appear on Allistor's face. 

"That's all I want" He said before briefly pulling Arthur into another hug, this one didn't last as long as the other one but it still meant the world to both of them. 

"Come on let's head to bed" Allistor said softly before leading Arthur out of the room. As they were walking Arthur paused outside one of the unused office rooms causing Allistor to raise an eyebrow. 

"Francis has banished me from our room so this is where I've been sleeping" He explained to which Allistor made a sound of understanding. 

"You really should talk to him and Alfred" He said sternly and Arthur just sighed. 

"I will, eventually" He said causing Allistor to roll his eyes. 

"Well, goodnight Little Lamb" Allistor said as he started walking away. Arthur bit his lip before speaking up. 

"Night Alley" He said before ducking into the office room quickly. Allistor froze in shock before a fond smile appeared on his face, Arthur hadn't called him Alley in a long time and it felt really nice to hear it again. He continued his walk to his room with a smile on his face the whole time. 


	27. Nightmares And Memories

Arthur glanced around in confusion as he walked through an empty hallway, it didn't look like any of the halls in the conference building but he couldn't be anywhere else. He paused outside one of the doors when he heard talking, he let out a breath of relief as he pushed the door open only to pause at what he saw. It was Francis and he was crying while Laura was trying to comfort him but it didn't seem to be working. 

"Francis?" He questioned as he moved closer to the duo, but it became apparent that they couldn't see or hear him. Arthur huffed when he realized this and decided to watch the vision or whatever it was. A frown appeared on his face when he noticed just how close Laura was to Francis. 

"I miss having him next to me Laura, there's this hollow feeling in my chest that just won't go away" Francis said through his tears and Laura just pulled him into a tight hug. 

"I know dear, but he's not worth your tears" She said softly causing Francis to slump into her arms tiredly. 

"Maybe I should forgive him" He said weakly and Laura was quick to shake her head. 

"No, Francis you shouldn't be the one apologizing" She said determinedly causing Francis to look up at her with a hopeless expression that just broke Arthur's heart, he wanted so badly to pull the Frenchman into a hug but not only was he not really there but the Frenchman was still mad at him for what he said. 

"But I miss him so much!" Francis cried softly causing a frown to appear on the Belgian women's face. 

"I know, but you shouldn't be the one apologizing for his mistake" She said stubbornly which only made Francis frown sadly. 

"It wouldn't be the first time" He whispered softly causing an angry expression to briefly appear on Laura's face. 

"You deserve so much better Francis" She said seriously with an undertone that Arthur's couldn't place. When Francis looked back up to question her she leaned down and pulled the Frenchman into a kiss, surprising Francis and infuriating Arthur. 

"What the hell!" He shouted as he reached out to grab Laura, momentarily forgetting that he wasn't actually there, but just as his hand touched Laura's shoulder he was expelled out of the room and thrown into what looked like a washroom. 

He quickly turned towards the door and tried to open it, when it wouldn't budge he started pounding on it. His pounding completely blocked out the sound of someone throwing up. When it became apparent that the door would not budge he turned back around only to stumble back slightly when he saw Alfred was also in the room. He was standing in front of the mirror with an unreadable expression on his face, Arthur frowned when he noticed how pale the American was and how badly he was shaking. 

He walked over to him but right before he put his hand on his shoulder he remembered that he wasn't actually there so he quickly pulled his hand back and instead he just watched the American, though the more he watched the more concerned he got. Alfred's breathing was laboured and he was muttering to himself, Arthur couldn't make head's or tales of most of it. 

"They're just concerned" 

"They're just mocking you, you idiot" 

"No, they just want me to get better" 

"Are you that stupid? They're probably laughing at you right now"

"They wouldn't do that"

"Of course they would, everyone else does" 

"Not Mattie, or Francis or Ar-"

"Arthur? He's the worst of them all!"

"No, he's not" 

"He called you a whore in front of everyone!" 

Alfred went quiet after that and Arthur felt his stomach twist violently. He once again tried to touch Alfred's shoulder only to be expelled from the room once again. He ended up in the room connected to the bathroom, when he looked around he noticed that Matthew was in the room. He was sitting on his bed staring intently at something and when Arthur walked over to get a better look he saw that it was a bunch of old photos of himself, Matthew, Alfred and Francis. As he examined the photos Matthew picked one of them up. It showed the four of them sitting under a huge oak tree, Matthew was clinging to Kumajiro and Alfred had his pet rabbit snuggled up to his chest while he and Francis each had a brother snuggled into their side. They all looked so happy in the photo but Arthur could vividly remember what had happened only a few hours after the picture had been taken. 

He and Francis had ended up having another one of their fights, Francis had been the one to storm off so that he could cool down which unfortunately left the boys alone with him. He had just been so mad at the time so when Alfred had asked why he was so mean to Francis he had lashed out and struck the boy across the face, it had been the first time he had ever hit Alfred and regrettably not the last. The worst part? Alfred hadn't even cried. He didn't shout or make a scene, he had just stared numbly at the Brit for a while before walking away. Neither Francis or Matthew ever confronted him on the matter so he could only assume that Alfred had never told them, which at the time he was relieved about but now it just made him feel awful. 

Arthur shook his head to clear it and that's when he noticed Matthew's sullen expression had turned to one of anger as he made a move to rip the photo only to freeze when he heard the bathroom door unlock, he quickly scooped up the photos and shoved them under his bed as the bathroom door opened. And as it did Arthur was once again expelled from the room. 

This time however when he appeared in a room it was old looking to old be modern time, and as he looked around he noticed a younger Allistor, he was staring numbly down at a necklace that he was clenching tightly in his hands. As Arthur walked closer he realized his brother wasn't just staring at the necklace he was silently crying as well. Arthur couldn't really remember a time when his brother had cried like this or at all for that matter. Suddenly Allistor swung his fist around and smashed the vase that was next to him, as soon as the pieces hit the ground a maid quickly rushed into the room and began cleaning up the mess. 

"Why, why did he have to take her from me?" Allistor questioned brokenly as an actual sob escaped his lips shocking Arthur greatly, the maid looked up at him sadly before gently placing her hand on Allistor's knee. 

"It will be alright my Lord, Queen Mary will always live on in your heart" She said softly in a heavy Scottish accent. Arthur sucked in a sharp breath when he realized who exactly his brother was mourning, but before he could fully process what was happening he was once again expelled from the room. 

This time however Arthur didn't stop in one particular places, instead, he just saw a bunch of flashes of things, those things consisted of:

Francis on his knee's sobbing as he clutched a rosary close to his heart.

Alfred sobbing as he desperately tried to stop a soldier from the revolutionary war from bleeding out from a gunshot wound.

Matthew staring at the burning White House with a guilty expression on his face while Arthur stood next to him with a pleased expression on his own face, he didn't care about Matthew's feeling's he just wanted revenge on Alfred. 

Jett gritting his teeth with frustrated tears in his eyes as he crumpled another letter from Arthur stating that he was to busy to visit.

Leon tearing up as he leaned against a wall clutching his stuffed panda as Arthur and Yao screamed at each other in the next room.

Toby clutching his sheep close to his chest as he sadly watched a British ship sailing away from New Zealand, Arthur had been on said ship and would not be returning for a very long time. 

Michelle screaming and sobbing as Arthur dragged her away from an equally sobbing Francis. 

Peter crying while clutching an old photo of the two of them together as Tino and Berwald tried to comfort him.

Then finally he saw himself insulting and hurting his children, his brothers and Francis over and over and over again. 

It all ended when he bolted awake with a sob escaping his lips. He stared blankly at the wall as he struggled to catch his breath, slowly but surely he started to gain control of his breathing but that's when the tears began to fall. He was a horrible person, who didn't deserve the wonderful people in his life. 


	28. Arthur Realizes Just How Deep The Damage Goes

After his nightmare Arthur was not able to get back to sleep, so when morning finally arrived Arthur was completely drained. After laying in his makeshift bed for what felt like hours Arthur finally got up and headed for the cafeteria with the goal of getting some tea. When he entered the cafeteria however the first thing he noticed was that Francis was talking to Laura which caused an angry fire to start burning in him, his brain had failed to realize that Antonio and Lovino were there as well. 

With the fire in his gut growing by the second he stormed his way over to the kitchen area to make his tea, which conveniently allowed him to continue staring at Francis and Laura. He had no proof that what he saw in his nightmare had been real but that did nothing to quell his anger. As he scowled at the duo he failed to notice someone walking up behind him. 

"Hey Arthur, you sure look to be in a mood" Jett commented as he walked into the room, Arthur stiffened as soon as he heard his voice as flashes of his nightmare returned to him. He turned to look at the Australian but he seemed preoccupied with making his coffee so he had missed Arthur's moment of weakness. 

"Good morning Jett" He said calmly which caused the Australian to look up at him in shock before a thin smirk appeared on the man's face. 

"Huh, haven't heard that from you in a while" He said offhandedly as he picked his mug up, this caused Arthur to raise an eyebrow in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" He asked baffled which made the thin smirk on Jett's face become almost shark-like. 

"You actually calling me by my name and not Australia or some insulting nickname" He said in a fake cheerful tone of voice before the smirk vanished and was replaced with a bitter expression as he walked out of the room, leaving behind a stunned Arthur. 

He ended up standing there for so long that someone else ended up coming into the kitchen, and when they noticed Arthur just standing there they cleared their throat to gain his attention. When he snapped out of his trance he saw Michelle standing in front of him and he felt a cold chill run down his spine as he once again remembered his nightmare. 

"Yes, Michelle? What can I do for you?" Arthur asked which caused Michelle to raise an eyebrow, but she chose not to comment on it and instead gave him a forced friendly smile. 

"Would you mind moving a bit so that I can make some tea please?" She said politely though Arthur was quick to notice the undertone in her voice as if she didn't particularly want to speak to him which admittedly crushed him quite a bit. He quickly moved away from the kettle so that Michelle could make her tea, speaking of tea his own had gone cold at this point but right now he could really care less. Just as Arthur had built up enough nerve to talk to her Lucille walked in and started chatting with her instead, and not wanting to intrude her quickly made his leave. 

He had never realized just how bad his relationships with his children were until now, God why couldn't he be more like Francis the literal embodiment of the perfect father. Speaking of Francis, Arthur turned his attention back to the Frenchman and saw that he was still speaking to Laura. Before he could go do something rash like storm over and make a scene he felt something bump into his legs. 

When he turned around he saw Peter and Erland, they must have been running which had caused them to run into his legs. Arthur gave the boys a smile but it was not returned, Peter was giving him an uneasy look while Erland was glaring at him.

"Come on Peter, Tino and Berwald are waiting for us" He said while sticking his nose up at Arthur before he grabbed Peter's arm and dragged him away from the Brit. 

Arthur let out a small huff before finding a vacant table and sitting down, but as he did he noticed in his peripheral vision Jett speaking to Toby. He kept gesturing at Arthur with a frustrated expression on his face, Toby glanced at him briefly with an unreadable expression on his face before focusing back in on what Jett was saying. Arthur felt the need to talk to them but just as he stood up everyone started heading for the meeting room which caused a frustrated sigh to escape him before he followed everyone else. 

He was so frustrated in fact that he missed Leon waving at him, completely ignored Matthew, and was totally oblivious to Alfred slipping out of the washroom looking just as pale and shaky as in his nightmare. 


	29. The Guilt Of A Brit

Everyone shuffled into the meeting room without delay, except Arthur who was still frustrated. As Gilbert sat down he made a move to grab the book only for it to be snatched away by, of all people, Matthew who just have the Prussian a cheeky grin before he started reading much to everyone's amusement. 

**America can do a perfect British accent because, a long time ago, that's exactly the kind of accent he had.**

As soon as Matthew finished the entry everyone started pestering Alfred to show them his accent, to which Alfred just shook his head with a bright blush taking over his face. He gave Matthew a pleading look to continue, and while Matthew thought about letting this continue he instead decided to be merciful for once. 

Arthur stared down at his hands as he remembered Alfred's accent, God above it had been such a long time since he had heard it and he highly doubted he would ever hear it again. He shook his head to clear it so that he could focus on Matthew as he read the next entry. 

**Dear Diary,**

**The other countries think I'm so strange for granting independence to all my micronations... they don't realize how lonely it was down here until they showed up. I'd do a lot more for my bright, magnificent kids. - Australia**

A large grin appeared on his face as he reached over and pulled one of his micronations into a tight hug, said micronation just so happened to be Wendy who let out a shriek of discomfort though everyone noticed the soft smile that was on the girl's lips. 

'He wouldn't be so lonely if you ever bothered to visit him' A traitorous voice whispered in the back of his mind, which Arthur quickly told to shut up but that did little to stop the guilt gnawing on his gut. 

Matthew gave his brother a grin before he glanced down at the next entry only to stiffen up when he saw what it was. Abel, who was sitting next to him, quickly noticed this and glanced down at the entry. His eyes narrowed slightly at what he saw before he looked back up at Matthew with soft eyes. 

"You can do it" He encouraged softly as he took the Canadian's hand into his own, Matthew took a deep calming breath before squeezing his hand back in thanks before he pressed on. 

**Dear England,**

Arthur's head snapped up in shock at this while everyone else shared surprised looks. 

**Why don't you love me like you love America? Am I not good enough for you? Am I not your son? - Canada**

Arthur sucked in a sharp breath in shock as his mind desperately tried to think of something to say to the Canadian, but before he could say anything Matthew started reading again. 

**When France first confessed his love for England, England laughed because he thought he was joking.**

Francis let out a sad sigh while Arthur shifted uncomfortably in his seat. Matthew, not wanting his Papa to dwell on the matter any longer, pressed on once again. 

**New Zealand has a habit of talking to his sheep when he's lonely. This habit began when England would leave for long periods of time and he would be all on his own.**

Arthur flinched slightly at this, a small part of his mind was telling him it wasn't his fault but the rest of him wasn't listening. Jett reached over and pulled Toby into a tight hug causing a smile to appear on the New Zealander's face. Matthew smiled softly at this before he continued.

**He is afraid that England will forget him. Sealand actually loves England very much. But is mean and rude to him to get his attention.**

Arthur winced at this especially when he saw that Peter was refusing to look at him. Arthur made a move to speak to him only to be cut off by Matthew reading the next entry, he had a feeling the Canadian did that on purpose. 

**There will always be a small part of Seychelles that resents England for taking her away from France.**

Francis gave her a soft smile before pulling her into a hug which she gladly returned. Another wince raked through Arthur and just like last time before he could talk to her Matthew started reading again. 

**Outside of the world eye, Hong Kong calls England "Daddy". And will eat his scones and pretend to enjoy them. Outside of the world eye. England calls Hong Kong "my boy". And always has a new stuff panda ready for him.**

Leon went bright red in embarrassment before he buried his face into his hands. Arthur let out a relieved sigh as he remembered that at least one of his children didn't hate him. Ludwig, thanking the Ancients that there had finally been a none depressing entry, called for a break and everyone quickly left the meeting room. Everyone except Alfred. Said American was staring at his hands as he remembered a time when Arthur still cared about him enough to call him "Son" and when he used to call the Brit "Daddy". Spirits did he miss those times. 

He sighed before standing up, however before he left his eyes landed on the book. He bit his lip before approaching it, he wanted to make sure that his "problem" wasn't in there. His hand was inches away from the book when he suddenly heard Matthew calling his name, he quickly withdrew his hand before he went to find his brother. 


	30. Love Is In The Air But So Is Sadness

After lunch, everyone returned to the meeting room like usual, though Arthur noticed that Leon was hugging his stuffed panda extra close to his chest as he listened to whatever Yao was saying to him with a frown on his face. Arthur so badly wanted to find out what they were talking about but before he could Laura began reading, this caused Arthur's eyebrow to twitch. 

**Dear Diary,**

**A few years ago, Denmark gave me this really stupid necklace with little Lego charms. I made him believe that I threw it away because honestly, it's kind of hideous. What he doesn't know is that I still wear it every day, underneath my clothes. He is such a moron. - Norway**

Mathias' eyes widened as he turned to face Lukas who had a bright red blush on his cheeks. 

"Is that really true Luk?" He asked and Lukas sighed before pulling the necklace out from underneath his shirt, this caused a large grin to appear on the Dane's lips as he pulled the Norwegian into a tight hug. This, of course, made Lukas blush even more, and as quite a few people cooed over them Matthew couldn't help but notice that Laura hadn't taken her eyes off of the book and that she had a wide grin on her face. Before he could question her she quickly read the next entry excitedly. 

**Just because I don't show it all the time doesn't mean I don't love you Denmark. Your everything to me. - Norway**

Mathias' face went bright red before he shyly kissed Lukas' cheek. 

"I love you to Lukas" He said causing a large smile to appear on Lukas' face, which surprised quite a few people, before he pulled the Dane into a deep kiss. Wolf whistles rang through the room as well as the sound of several cameras going off, though surprisingly it wasn't Elizabeta or Kiku that was taking a majority of the pictures it was in fact, Tino. 

Francis watched fondly as the new couple smiled at each other, though no one noticed that his smile was tinged with sadness. No one that is except Arthur, who now had a deep frown on his face. He decided then and there that he was going to swallow what remained of his pride and at least talk to the Frenchman tonight. 

Once everyone had calmed down Laura went back to reading the book. 

**They usually read together, but Francis always ends up distracted by Arthur.**

Francis smiled softly at this but this time everyone noticed the sadness in it which only made Arthur feel even worse. Laura gave Francis a worried look before she pressed on. 

**When Yao and Ivan fight, they don't apologize through words; they do by kissing because they're too used to the meaningless words of other people.**

Both Yao and Ivan blushed scarlet at this while everyone else cooed over them, well everyone except Alfred who had a confused expression on his face. 

"How is that you two only recently got together?" He asked baffled to which the two of them shrugged causing a sigh to escape the American while everyone else laughed. 

Laura took a couple of deep breaths to get control of herself before she went back to reading the book again. 

 **Understandably most nations assume Italy makes the flower crowns when they go on picnics, but Germany's actually much better at making them. Italy likes to pick the flowers though.**  

Ludwig's face instantly went red as everyone cooed, his face went even brighter when Feliciano pulled him into a tight hug. It didn't matter how long they had been together, whenever Feliciano did anything even remotely romantic it would always make the German blush like no tomorrow. 

Laura cooed alongside everyone else before she went back to the book.

**Korea's sensitive area isn't his hair curl. It's his chest. Also, one of the reasons he likes groping people is so that he can feel their heartbeat. Watching them squirm is just a bonus.**

Alfred, Kiku and Yao, some of Yong Soo's biggest targets, slowly turned toward's him with devious expressions on their faces which caused his eyes to widen in fear. He quickly turned to look at Laura and gave her a pleading look, she giggled to herself a bit before complying. 

**Sweden decided that Finland was going to be his "wife" long before they ran away together.**

A very faint blush appeared n Berwald's face, which only grew when Tino leaned in to give him a kiss on the cheek. Laura, as well as a few others, cooed over them before the Belgian women went back to reading. 

**Gilbert knows of Roderich's nearly crippling fear of marine life, but he doesn't know that he's horribly allergic as well.**

Gilbert's eyes widened in shock while Roderich shifted uncomfortably in his seat. 

"W-why wouldn't you tell me?" Gilbert asked shocked and Roderich took a deep breath before steeling his nerves. 

"I didn't think you needed to know" Roderich said dismissively surprising everyone. Quite a few people jumped when Gilbert started laughing. 

"Oh, of course, how could I be so silly, after all, who tells their  _fuck toy_ something so personal" Gilbert said in an almost hysterical manner stunning everyone, especially Roderich. 

"Wha, Gilbert what do you mean by-" Roderich was abruptly cut off by Gilbert laughing some more. 

"By fuck toy? Why Roderich I've finally figured out what matters most to you about our  _relationship!_  It's all about sex with you, isn't it?" Gilbert said in a fake cheerful tone of voice which left Roderich speechless, and when Roderich didn't defend himself a frown appeared on the Prussian's face. 

"Thought so" He said simply before storming out of the meeting room with tears beginning to fall, leaving the meeting room in stunned silence. The first ones to snap out of their shock, surprisingly, were Alfred, Matthew and Lovino who all raced out of the room after the Prussian. 

Slowly but surely everyone else came out of their shock. Francis, Mathias and Antonio wasted no time racing out the door in hopes of catching up with Gilbert. Ludwig without even missing a beat socked Roderich in the jaw before he also rushed out of the room with Feliciano right on his heels. Everyone else just gave the Austrian withering glares as they all left the room until only Roderich was left or so he thought. 

He winced almost violently when he felt a near crushing grip on his shoulder, he didn't need to look up to know who was standing there. 

"Roderich, I think it's time we had a talk" The angry Hungarian hissed in his ear, and all Roderich could do was nod weakly. 


	31. Ice Cream And Movies

Gilbert rushed through the halls as tears threatened to spill from his eyes. Once he was almost on the other side of the building he finally slowed down and attempted to catch his breath, which was a failed endeavour, a loud sob escaped him as the tears finally fell. He leaned up against a wall and slid onto the ground so that he could pull his knees up to his chest and sob into them. 

He sat there sobbing for about 3 minutes until he felt two separate pair of hands on his shoulders and another pair on his knees. When he looked up he saw Lovino, Alfred and Matthew huddled around him with concerned expressions on their faces. Lovino reached up and gently placed his hands on Gilbert's cheeks to make the Prussian meet his eyes. The Prussian's breathing was still very erratic and it was really worrying him. 

"Gil, I want you to mimic my breathing okay?" Lovino requested softly and Gilbert slowly nodded his head. He followed Lovino's breathing and after a couple of minutes, his breathing returned to normal. 

"Thanks, Lovi" He mumbled weakly as he leaned his head onto Matthew's shoulder, said Canadian just started running his fingers through Gilbert's surprisingly soft hair. Lovino smiled softly as he removed his hands from Gilbert's face. 

"Anytime Gil" He said before he shifted around to sit more comfortably, which Alfred copied before the American leaned onto Gilbert's shoulder. 

"How are you feeling?" Alfred asked quietly and Gilbert let out a tired sounding sigh. 

"Awful, like my who world view was shattered" He mumbled brokenly as more tears appeared in the corners of his eyes. Alfred and Matthew pulled him into a side hug while Lovino reached over and pulled him into a full hug. 

They sat like that for a very long time, when they did finally pull away Lovino gave him a soft smile as he pulled him and by extension Alfred and Matthew up. 

"Come on, what you need right now is a mindless movie and some junk food" He said cheerfully making the others laugh. 

"There's a mini freezer in Alfred and I's room and I have it stocked with ice cream" Matthew said causing the three other men to stare at him in shock. 

"What? Since when?" Alfred asked in confusion causing a sheepish grin to appear on Matthew's face. 

"I may have kept it a secret from you because I was afraid that you would eat all of my maple ice cream" He explained causing Alfred to give him a fake betrayed look while Gilbert and Lovino laughed. Though only Gilbert knew that there was no chance that Alfred would have ever touched the ice cream, and that thought alone made his smile falter briefly. 

"Well then what are we waiting for? We have cheesy movies and copious amounts of maple ice cream to devour!" Lovino announced before linking arms with Gilbert and Alfred, who then linked arms with Matthew. Once they were all linked they started walking down the hallway towards Matthew and Alfred's room. 

As they were walking Alfred couldn't help but to start whistling "We're off to see the wizard" causing the others to laugh before they joined in. It was a good thing they were in an empty hallway or they would have woken up quite a few people with their whistling. 

Once they arrived at Matthew and Alfred's room they quickly shuffled in and got into some pajamas, Gilbert and Lovino had to borrow some obviously. Matthew then pulled out the ice cream while Gilbert and Alfred pushed the two bed together. Once that was done they all huddled together underneath a blanket as Lovino turned on the movie, which much to everyone's amusement was The Wizard of Oz. 

The movie ended up being a jumbled mess of Gilbert and Alfred singing along to every song, Lovino pointing out all of the flaws in the Wicked Witch of The West's plans, and Matthew just smiling in amusement as he happily ate his ice cream. 

"This was really good idea Lovi" Gilbert said through a yawn as the credits for The Wizard of Oz played. Lovino just hummed in agreement as he picked a random movie for them to watch. 

Half way through this movie Alfred and Gilbert fell asleep with Lovino quickly following suite. Matthew smiled fondly before he turned the T.V off and arranged the others into more comfortable position's. Once that was done he laid back down only to suddenly have an armful of Alfred as he cuddled up to him. He chuckled fondly before slowly falling asleep as well, it had been a very exhausting day after all. 


	32. Roderich Is A Dead Man Walking

Roderich slumped slightly in his seat as he watched Elizabeta pace back and forth in front of him. The Hungarian had a venomous glare on her face which kept Roderich from speaking up. Elizabeta let out a frustrated sigh before she took a seat in front of Roderich. 

"I've always known all you wanted in a relationship was sex but I honestly thought you actually loved Gilbert" She said before she started chuckling to herself, which greatly freaked Roderich out. 

"I guess I was wrong" She said with a humourless grin on her face. 

"Elizabeta listen..." Roderich began only to trail off when Elizabeta raised her hand to silence him. Once he shut up she gave him another venomous glare. 

"No Roderich you listen to me" She said viciously and all Roderich could do was nod meekly. 

"You are a self-centred asshole who apparently gets off on breaking emotional people's heart" She said simply causing Roderich to flush red in anger, but before he could interject Elizabeta continued. 

"And don't even try and deny it Roderich. First, you hurt Antonio, then me, now Gilbert. Who's next? What innocent person are you going to trick into a relationship just so you can break their heart? Will it be Vash or maybe Alfred? Don't think I haven't noticed the way you've been staring at him lately and I'm not the only one" She hissed venomously causing Roderich to flinch almost violently at the accusation. He lowered his head and refused to look her in the eyes, which caused to sniff in disdain. 

"Congratulations Roderich, on fucking up another relationship" She sneered before turning on her heel and heading for the door. She paused briefly in the doorway before she turned to face him again. 

"I suggest you go find an old office room to sleep in cause I highly doubt Gilbert and Ludwig are going to let you back into the room" She commented before leaving the room without giving Roderich a second glance. 

As she was turning the corner she caught a brief glimpse of Gilbert, Alfred, Lovino and Matthew slipping into one of the bedrooms and she couldn't help to smile when she saw the wide grins on all four boys faces. She was relieved to know that at least Gilbert wasn't off somewhere on his own crying over the stupid Austrian. 

<><><><>

Roderich let out a tired sigh as he ran his fingers through his hair, he was completely drained and he didn't want to think any further about what Elizabeta said. So what if he wanted sex? It's a basic human function and he shouldn't be at fault for expecting his lovers to give him it. He let out a frustrated sigh as he stood up and left the meeting room. 

But as he was walking down the halls he suddenly felt a crushing grip on his shoulder. He let out a pained grunt before he turned around to face whoever it was. He was expecting Ludwig or maybe even Elizabeta again, what he wasn't expecting however was to see the glaring eyes of Feliciano and Antonio. 

"Feliciano, Antonio what do you want?" He questioned only for Antonio to punch him in the jaw. He staggered back and before he could regain his footing Antonio grabbed his shirt collar and pushed him into the wall. 

"I was breaking mine and Eliza's heart not good enough for you, huh Roderich? Is your desire to ruin a person so strong that you had to destroy someone who has done nothing but devote themselves to you?" He asked rhetorically before shoving Roderich away so that he could curse at him in Spanish as Feliciano took over. 

The Italian gave Roderich a murderous look before he grabbed him by his shirt collar and pressed a knife to his throat, causing the Austrian to pale drastically. 

"If you ever even think about hurting Gilbert again I can guarantee that you will never see the sun again, capisce?" He growled and all Roderich could do was frantically nod in understanding. A humourless grin appeared on Feliciano's face as he let go of Roderich's collar and slipped his knife back into his boot. 

"Good, glad we got that settled" He said in a fake cheery tone of voice before he turned to face the still curing Spaniard. 

"Come on Antonio let's not waste any more time here" He said before leading Antonio away, said Spaniard turned around to give Roderich one final glare before turning back around and following after Feliciano. 

Roderich took in a deep shuddering breath as he slowly sunk to the floor. He was so dead, he was so fucking dead. He might as well be a dead man walking.


	33. A Much Needed Talk

Francis sighed tiredly as he walked down the hallway. He hadn't been able to find Gilbert and on top of that, he had lost track of Antonio as well. As he turned the corner his eyes landed on Arthur who was standing outside of their room. This was a first, the Brit hadn't tried to get back into their room since the night he was kicked out. He let out another tired sigh before he approached the silent Brit. 

"Arthur I am really not in the mood to fight with you right now" He said tiredly causing Arthur to stand up straight and turn to face him. Francis raised an eyebrow when he noticed the bouquet of white orchids that the Brit was holding, where in the hell did he get those? 

"Francis I didn't come to fight" Arthur said quickly before he shoved the flowers into Francis' arms. 

"I just came to talk with you" He said nervously surprising Francis greatly, he readjusted his grip on the flowers and gave the Brit an uncomfortable expression. 

"Alright, let's talk" He said as he pushed the door open and lead Arthur in. He placed the flowers on the bedside table before he turned to face Arthur, said Brit was sitting on the edge of his old bed with an uncomfortable expression on his face. 

"Okay start talking" Francis said as he sat down on his bed. Arthur took a deep breath to calm his nerves before he started talking. 

"Look Francis I know I've fucked up" Arthur began only to be cut off by Francis scoffing. 

"You don't say" He said sarcastically causing Arthur to bristle slightly before he took a deep breath to calm himself down. 

"Francis you mean the world to me, and I know what I did was inexcusable but I want to make up for it" He said while reaching over to grasp Francis' hands. Francis stared at him in surprise but before he could say anything Arthur continued. 

"And I genuinely mean that Francis, I may be an immortal nation but I am also a man and I will most likely continue to make mistakes but I want you to know that this is one mistake that will haunt me for the rest of my life even if you do somehow forgive me" He said as he stared right into Francis' eyes. 

Arthur's eyes widened in panic when tears started to slip down the Frenchman's cheeks. He reached up to brush them away as a Francis began to laugh, which honest to God scared the crap out of him. 

"You always did have a way with words, Angleterre" Francis said softly as he wiped the rest of his tears away, there was a small smile on the Frenchman's face which made Arthur smile as well. Francis chuckled some before a small frown once again appeared on his face. 

"Do you really mean it, Arthur?" He asked softly. Arthur reached over and re-grasped Francis' hands. 

"With all my heart Francis" He said seriously causing another faint smile to appear on Francis' face. 

"I want to forgive you, it's always been in my nature to forgive" He said and as Arthur was about to interject Francis reached over and grabbed Arthur's chin to make the Brit look him in the eye. 

"But I'm not going to, not until you make up with Alfred. Because no matter how badly you hurt me, you hurt him a hundred times more" He said seriously before letting go of the Brit's chin. Arthur nodded and reached over for and, for the third time, grasped Francis's hands. 

"I know and I plan on fixing things not only with him but with all my children" Arthur said while staring right in Francis'eyes. Francis stared deeply into his eyes before nodding in satisfaction. 

"That's more like the Arthur I fell in love with" He said softly before leaning over and kissing the Brit's cheek, causing a large grin to appear on Arthur's face. 

"You are still totally in the dog house, but I suppose I can let you sleep in here again" Francis said teasingly as he stood up and started getting ready for bed, Arthur chuckled in amusement at this. 

"Fair enough" He said before he started getting ready for bed as well, they paused however when Francis' stomach made a loud gurgling sound. Francis blushed scarlet while Arthur gave him a disapproving look. 

"You skipped dinner didn't you" He said and all Francis could do was nod sheepishly. Arthur sighed before holding out his hand. 

"Come on let's go raid the kitchen" He said causing a large grin to appear on Francis' face as he linked arms with him. 

"That sounds like a wonderful idea, mon amour" Francis said cheerfully causing a grin to appear on Arthur's face as the two of them walked out of the room. 

However, they both paused in the doorway as they watched Antonio and Feliciano walk past. One muttering angrily in Spanish and the other had an almost murderous expression on his face. 

"Should we be worried about that at all?" Arthur asked worriedly and Francis just shook his head. 

"I'm sure it's fine, I highly doubt Antonio would have let Feli kill anyone" Francis said dismissively before tugging on Arthur's arm and leading him towards the kitchen. 

"Now come on I'm hungry" He said and all Arthur could do was nod and let himself be dragged away. 


	34. Pillow Fights And Late Starts

"They're so adorable" Lovino whispered teasingly and Matthew just nodded in agreement as the two of them continued to take pictures of the two sleeping men on the bed. Sometime during the night, Alfred had gone from snuggling with Matthew to snuggling with Gilbert, said Prussian had his arms wrapped tightly around the American. All in all, it was an adorable sight and Lovino and Matthew couldn't help but take hundreds of photos. 

After a couple more minutes went by Alfred began to stir, at first he thought he was wrapped up in Matthew's arms but when he saw the Canadian and Lovino standing beside the bed with Cheshire like grins on their faces he slowly turned his head to see who he was snuggling with. His face went bright red when he came face to face with Gilbert, who was slowly starting to wake up. As soon as Gilbert was awake enough to process what was going on he blushed scarlet and the two of them scrambled away from each other, much to Matthew and Lovino's amusement. 

"Stop laughing!" Alfred whined which only made the two of them laugh more. Both Gilbert and Alfred huffed childishly before in unison they each grabbed a pillow and threw it at the two laughing men. 

This, of course, led to a pillow fight with Lovino and Matthew on one team and Alfred and Gilbert on the other team. They were having so much fun that they hardly noticed the time until they heard a knock at the door. They paused mid fight as Matthew got up to answer the door, standing outside with a fond expression on her face was Elizabeta. 

"Elizabeta what can we do for you?" Matthew asked in confusion causing the Hungarian to laugh a bit. 

"Everyone's waiting for you four at the meeting room. We'd like to start reading" She said in amusement causing all four boy's eyes to widen as they quickly scrambled to get ready. Elizabeta laughed as she took a seat and waited for them to get ready. Gilbert was the first one done so he took a seat next to her as they waited for the others. 

"How are you feeling Gil?" She asked softly as she leaned over to grasp one of his hands. He turned to face her and gave her a soft smile. 

"Better then yesterday" He said softly causing a soft smile to appear on Elizabeta's face. 

"That's good" She said and Gilbert just nodded. 

After a while, the other three finished getting ready and so the five of them started making their way towards the meeting room, they stopped briefly in the kitchen to grab some coffee before entering the meeting room. 

"So sorry for the wait" Matthew said in embarrassment as the five of them took their seats. Ludwig just nodded in acceptance of the apology before picking up the book so that he could read. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I changed all of the names in England's cell phone. He's going to be so angry with me when he finds out, but it's worth it to see the look on his face when God texts him to say. "I know what you did last night." - America**

As everyone else laughs Alfred winced and turned to look at Arthur expecting to see an angry face, instead the Brit gave him a fond yet exasperated look which definitely shocked the American. 

Once everyone calmed down from laughing Ludwig cleared his throat and began reading again. 

**He's almost as naive as Spain when it comes to sexual innuendo's. The Teutonic Knights kept him oblivious. Having France as a best friend later will lead to much future confusion for him.**

Gilbert blushed scarlet as everyone else laughed. Antonio reached over and patted Gilbert's shoulder sympathetically. Ludwig stifled his laugh so that he could go back to reading. 

**Dear Diary,**

**I sent China a flower today, and he smiled at me. It gave me a reason to smile for the rest of the week. Yay! - Russia**

Quite a few people cooed at this while Ivan and Yao blushed. 

"Seriously how did it take you guys so long to realizes that you loved each other?" Alfred questioned baffled and quite a few people agreed with him, but all Ivan and Yao could do was shrug. Alfred let out a childish huff as he slumped into his chair much to everyone's amusement. 

Ludwig cleared his throat to regain everyone's attention, and once everyone was paying attention he started reading again. 

**Over the years, Prussia has become a very talented writer. He's very private when it comes to his dairies so most people don't believe him when he brags about it. The only person who has seen any of his works is Germany and there are very few things he's willing to share. Germany doesn't know how to tell him he's actually really impressed.**

Gilbert blushes brightly at the praise as a small smile appeared on his face. 

"Gil you got a let me read some of your work" Alfred begged and Gilbert just shook his head which leads to the American pouting and begging. Gilbert was stubborn however and was not backing down, no matter how hard it was to resist Alfred puppy dog eyes. 

"I think since we started so late now's a good time to break for lunch" Ludwig said and Gilbert used this opportunity to bolt out of the room, however, Alfred was hot on his heels much to everyone's amusement. 

"How long do you think Gil will be able to resist?" Abel asked as he and Matthew left the meeting room alongside everyone else. 

"Not very long. No one, not even Arthur, can resist Alfred's puppy dog eyes for long"Matthew said in amusement causing the Dutchman to laugh. 


	35. Mortality And Immortality

"Ha! I was right!" Matthew said cheerfully as he and Abel walked into the meeting room alongside everyone else. The Dutchman chuckled as he looked at Gilbert who was pouting and Alfred who was grinning widely as he flipped through an old leather-bound notebook. 

"Yup you were right" He said as the two of them approached the pouting Prussian. 

"I guess you couldn't help but to give into the eyes, huh Gil?" Matthew said in amusement and Gilbert turned to give him a grumpy look. 

"It's not fair Birdie, your brother has literal stars in his eyes! I stood absolutely no chance!" He exclaimed loudly causing everyone in the meeting room, including Alfred, to laugh. 

"Don't beat yourself up too much Gil, I've seen many men and women fall victim to his puppy dog eyes there really is no escaping them. Heck, not even Natalya could say no to him" Matthew said and said Belarusian just shrugged as she walked into the meeting room alongside Katyusha. 

"The stars, they get you every time" She said as she took her seat and everyone who had ever been a victim of Alfred's puppy dog eyes nodded in agreement, meanwhile Alfred had a large Cheshire like grin on his face that he hid with Gilbert's notebook. As soon as everyone was in the meeting room Alfred placed the notebook down. 

"Alright, who wants to read now?" Alfred asked as he held up the book, Ludwig's eyes widened in surprise as he glanced down at where the book had previously been. When in the world did he grab it? When he looked back up he noticed the smirks that Lovino and Alfred were giving him, cheeky bastard's he thought to himself in amusement. 

Peter was the first one to raise his hand, and he didn't just raise his hand he also climbed up onto Berwald's shoulder's and waved his hand all over the place much to everyone's amusement. 

"Alright little buddy it's all yours" Alfred said in amusement as he handed the boy the book which caused a large grin to appear on his face, but before he could start reading Alfred quickly interjected. 

"Now before you start reading buddy maybe you should climb off of your dad" Alfred suggested playfully causing Peter to blush before he climbed off of Berwald's shoulder's and returned to his seat. 

"Thank you Alfred" Berwald said and the American just gave him a large grin as Peter began to read. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Why can't Avatar: The Last Airbender come out in Japanese dub already? It is hard being on the other end of the stick. I don't know how America deals with it. - Japan**

"Frustratingly Kiku, that's how I deal with it" Alfred said seriously causing everyone to laugh. Peter laughed alongside everyone else before he went back to reading. 

**His pancakes are magic and can cure anything - Canada**

"Fact!" Alfred shouted and everyone who has ever had the Candian's pancakes furiously nodded in agreement much to everyone else's surprise. Meanwhile, Matthew's face was as red as a tomato. Peter flipped the page before he once again began reading, not realizing that this next entry would make things very sad. 

**I can hear her sometimes. She calls my name... In a language, I was encouraged to forget. - America**

Alfred frowned softly as he stared down at his hands, Matthew reached over and pulled the American into a tight hug while Arthur looked away guiltily. He was the one who encouraged not only Alfred to forget his native tongue but also Matthew, sadly he was a lot more successful with Alfred then he was with Matthew. 

"Peter do you mind if I read?" Alfred asked softly and the boy nodded as he handed the book to the American. He felt really bad for making Alfred sad. Matthew detached himself from Alfred so that he could read more clearly. 

**Old Fritz was like a father to Gilbert. Gilbert stayed with him until the last moment. After that, Gilbert never became close to another human again.**

Tears stung at the back of Gilbert's eyes as he desperately tried to keep them in, he missed Old Fritz so much. He looked up when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw Alfred giving him a soft reassuring look. 

"It always hurts getting close to a human and having to watch them die, it's the burden an immortal must always face but you'll always have us to fall back on Gil. You don't have to pretend like everything's okay" He said softly and everyone, especially those who had been close to a human, nodded in agreement. Gilbert leaned over and hugged Alfred close, said American just smiled as he adjusted himself so that he could continue to read. 

**Dear Diary,**

**Amelia Earhart was the one who taught me how to fly a plane. Someday's, I still wonder if they'll ever figure out what exactly had happened to her. - America**

Alfred frowned sadly at this and Gilbert tightened his hold on him. Alfred took a deep shuddering breath before pressing on. 

**Russia doesn't regret his revolution. He isn't sorry that the Romanov dynasty was overthrown, or that Nicolas II was killed. But he wishes the tsar's children could have been spared. They treated him like a member of their family and were always trying to get him to play with them and tell them stories. They loved him, and he couldn't help but love them back. And while he tried to not play favourites, he was especially fond of Anastasia. He always spends the anniversary of their death alone, mostly because he doesn't want anyone to know how sad he gets on that day.**

Ivan squeezed his eyes shut tightly as tears threatened to escape, he placed his head into his hands and became numb to the world. Yao gently placed his hand on the broken Russian's shoulder before glancing up at everyone else. 

"I think now a good time to stop for the day~Aru" He said softly before he gently leads the Russian out of the room. Everyone slowly followed suit. 

Arthur glanced briefly at Alfred who was talking softly with Gilbert and Matthew, he sighed before following Francis out of the room. While he did want to talk with Alfred he knew that now was not the time. 


	36. F.A.C.E. Family Photos Part 1

"Are you sure Mattie doesn't mind sleeping somewhere else tonight?" Gilbert asked as he and Alfred walked into the American's room. Said American just gave Gilbert a reassuring look. 

"Yup! Besides how could he pass up the opportunity to spend the night with his boyfriend" Alfred teasingly causing Gilbert to laugh with Alfred quickly following suit. After laughing for a few moments they slowly began to calm down with only the occasional giggle escaping them. 

"Well you get settled I'm going to go take a shower" Alfred said as he grabbed some night clothes before slipping into the bathroom. Gilbert just hummed in acknowledgement as his eyes zoomed in on something, do to the bed being moved last night everything underneath them was now visible and for the first time, Gilbert noticed a plain looking folder that had been pushed to the side. From where it was it must have been under Matthew's bed. 

With curiosity getting the better of him, Gilbert couldn't help but see what was in the folder. He picked up the folder and flipped it open only to see dozens of photos of Alfred, Matthew, Francis and Arthur. Gilbert gasped in surprise as he looked through them, most of them had clearly been taken when the brothers were still colonies but some of them were slightly more recent. And he could tell which ones were the most recent by how dull Alfred's eyes looked compared to the rest of the photos. 

He frowned softly at this but before he could examine them further he heard the bathroom door open. He looked and stared at Alfred who was using a towel to dry his hair, Alfred placed the towel on one of the chairs and raised an eyebrow when he saw that Gilbert was staring at him. That's when he noticed the folder in the Prussian's hands and his confusion only grew. 

"Gil? What's wrong?" He asked as he approached the Prussian, Gilbert just shook his head and showed him the photos. Alfred's eyes widen in surprise as he stared at all of the old photos. 

"Where did you find this?" He asked in shock as he picked up one of the pictures. It's was one of just him and Matthew, the Canadian was dressed all fancy and Alfred was dressed up like a cowboy. This must have been taken during what Francis affectionately called his cowboy phase. 

"It was on the floor, it looked like it had been under Matthew's bed" Gilbert explained only for his eyebrows to furrow when he noticed something on the back of the photo that Alfred was holding. 

"It looks like there's writing on the back of them" He said prompting Alfred to turn the photo around. On the back was indeed some writing and it was all in his brother's elegant handwriting. 

"What does it say?" Gilbert asked as he leaned in closer so that he could read over Alfred's. Alfred stared at the writing for a moment before reading it aloud. 

_Alfred can be such a dork sometimes, we were supposed to be going out to eat at a fancy restaurant with dad and papa but he refused to wear a suit. We got a lot of strange looks and dad was really angry but papa thought it was adorable, and to be honest it really was. I just wish dinner had been a more enjoyable affair. Dad ended up arguing with Alfred for a majority of the meal and papa had to be the mediator so I ended up being forgotten about, but at least I had Kumajiro so the evening wasn't a complete disaster._

Alfred frowned softly at this, he always felt horrible when Matthew was ignored. He looked when he felt a hand on his shoulder and saw that Gilbert was giving him a soft look.

"Come on let's go sit down" He said as he leads Alfred towards the beds that were still pushed together. They sat down and spread the photos out so that they could look at them. Gilbert reached out and picked one up with a teasing grin on his face. 

"Awe! Look how cute you two are!" He gushed causing Alfred to blush and yank the photo out of his hand, he glanced down at the photo only to blush even more at what it was. It was himself and Matthew when they were little standing next to the bathtub wrapped up in large fluffy towels with Francis arms wrapped around their shoulders. He flipped the photo over and saw that it was Francis' handwriting on the back of it. 

 _Mon petit lapin et petit ours are just so precious! They're my cute little boys and I will cherish them forever! I just want them to stay small and cute forever and ever! I cannot fathom why Arthur wants them to grow up so fast._  

Alfred couldn't help but to smile at this, Francis was such a sap. Gilbert leaned over his shoulder so that he could read it and he couldn't help but laugh at what he saw. 

"My little rabbit and little bear? How cute!" He gushed causing Alfred's blush to return with a vengeance. 

"Shut up" He said playfully as he pushed Gilbert shoulder which only made the Prussian laugh some more. Alfred rolled his eyes before he continued to look at the photos, his eyes widened in surprise when a specific one caught his attention. It was of himself and Arthur, the Brit was teaching Alfred how to play the violin. The lessons had ended up being a disaster and had lead to the two of them having many many arguments. He flipped the photo over and saw Arthur's handwriting. 

_I think it was a mistake to try and teach Alfred how to play the violin, the boy is an awful student! He never sits still, always gets the notes wrongs and he constantly complains about my teaching habit. The little devil just can't get anything right, maybe I would have better luck teaching Matthew._

Alfred sighed sadly as he placed the photo down, Gilbert raised an eyebrow before skimming over the writing. He frowned at what he saw before he gave Alfred a soft look. 

"Did you ever learn how to play?" He asked and Alfred sighed before shaking his head. 

"No Arthur eventually gave up on teaching me, but Francis ended up teaching me how to play the harp and I even learned how to play the guitar from Antonio" Alfred said semi-cheerfully causing a smile to appear on the Prussian's face. 

"Maybe one day we can play together" He said causing a wide grin to appear on the American's face. 

"That sounds like a great idea Gil" He said causing an equally wide grin to appear on the Prussian's face. After that, they went back to looking at the photos. 

"Oh, Alfie look at this one! It's so cute!" Gilbert said excitedly as he shoved the photo into Alfred's face, the American laughed in amusement before glancing down at the photo only for his eyes to widen in surprise at what he saw. He had assumed all of these pictures were only of himself, Matthew, Francis and Arthur but this one included- 

_**~To Be Continued~** _


	37. F.A.C.E. Family Photos + Extra Part 2

Michelle and Lucille, as well as Francis and Matthew. The photo was of Francis braiding Lucille's hair while she braided Michelle's hair who was cuddling a sleeping Matthew. Alfred smiled softly at the photo, he rarely got to see this side of the family all together like this and he couldn't but wish he could have been a part of it more. He flipped the photo over and once again saw Francis' handwriting. 

_It's so nice to have ma petite soeur, petit poisson et petit ours all together like this. I simply adore spending time with them, I just wish Arthur had let Alfred and the others come over then we would all be together._

Gilbert leaned over my shoulder to read alongside me and grinned widely at what the Frenchman had written. 

"Frannie is just such a huge sap" He said affectionately causing Alfred to laugh and nod in agreement. 

"Does he have nicknames like that for all of you?" Gilbert asked and Alfred hummed as he put the photo down. 

"Yeah, he's got one for all of the kids" He said causing Gilbert to give him an eager look. 

"What are they?" He asked excitedly causing Alfred to laugh before he answered the excited Prussian. 

"Well I'm his little rabbit, Mattie is his little bear, Michelle is his little fish, Jett is his little Koala, Toby is his little sheep and Leon is his little panda" Alfred explained causing Gilbert to bounce up and down on the bed while he cooed. 

"That's just so cute!" He gushed cheerfully causing Alfred to blush scarlet. In an attempt to distract the Prussian he quickly picked up another photo, this one caused a large grin to appear on the American's face. 

The photo was of himself, Michelle and Jett. They were all at a beach in Hawaii and each of them were holding a surfboard with their flags on them. A long time ago it had become a tradition for the three of them to go surfing together, they always changed up who's country they would go to each year. He quickly flipped the photo over to see who had written on it, he knew it couldn't have been him because his own copy of this picture was back at his home in one of his many scarp books. The handwriting on the back was Michelle's. 

_Alfred and Jett are the best brothers an island girl like me could ask for. Before I had them to go surfing with me I was all on my own and surfing isn't much fun on your own. I tried to teach papa and Matthew but they didn't really take to it like I did. But now I have Alfred and Jett to surf with and I'll never trade that away for the world._

Alfred smiled softly at this while Gilbert leaned over his shoulder to read the note as well. 

"Do you think Mattie got jealous over this?" He asked and Alfred just shook his head as he placed the photo down. 

"Naw, we may bond over surfing but Michelle and Matthew have a bond that could never be broken" He said warmly causing a smile to appear on the Prussian's face before the two of them continued to look at the photos. 

"Aww, Alfie you guys are so cute!" Gilbert gushed once again while he held up a photo, Alfred blushed brightly as he leaned over to see what the picture was. He was a bit startled to see it was a photo of himself, Toby, Jett and Matthew when they were younger. They didn't have a lot of photos of the four of them together like this so it was a bit of a surprise find one. 

The photo was taken right after one of their pranks on Arthur, the four of them were covered in mud and grinning ear to ear. Alfred smiled briefly at the picture before he remembered what happened after the photo had been taken and his smile quickly turned into a frown. He reached over and flipped the photo over and just as he thought the story was written on the back, in Toby's handwriting. 

_The prank was really fun! I haven't seen Jett laugh so much in a long time, even Alfred and Matthew seemed happier than usual. For such a simple prank as letting loose a bunch of pigs into dads bedroom, it sure did make everyone happy. That is until dad realized what we did, he was not happy. He placed most of the blame on Jett and Alfred, he only briefly scolded me and Matthew. He shouted at Jett and Alfred for hours and forced the two of them to clean the mess up on their own. Afterwards, he sent me and Jett back to New Zealand and Australia respectively. On the boat ride, I noticed that Jett had a lot of bruises but he just played them off like they were nothing, but I knew better. I can only assume that Alfred has matching bruises._

Alfred winced at what he read, Toby was way too observant for his own damn good. Gilbert took the photo out of his hand and stared him in the eyes with a very serious expression on his face, which kinda took Alfred by surprise. 

"How often did Arthur hit you guys?" He asked and Alfred winced slightly, he did not want to answer that question.

"Only when we were bad" Alfred explained which only made Gilbert frown even more. 

"And what qualified as "bad" to Arthur?" He asked seriously causing Alfred to wince once again. 

"It doesn't matter anymore, let's just look at more photos" He said quickly as he reached down and grabbed a random photo. He looked down at it and couldn't help but to smile at what he saw. It was of himself, Matthew and Francis. His smile must have distracted Gilbert briefly because he leaned over to see what the photo was. 

It was taken around the time Beauty And The Beats had hit theatres. In the photo, Alfred and Matthew were sitting around a table while Francis presented them food, but it looked like the Frenchman had been singing. When Gilbert reached over to flip the photo over there wasn't a note on the back just the beginning lyrics to Be Our Guest written in Francis' handwriting. He turned to give Alfred a confused look which only made the American laugh. 

"After Beauty And The Beast was released we insisted that whenever Francis served us a meal he had to sing Be Our Guest" He explained causing Gilbert to laugh in amusement. 

"I have got to remember that for the next time Francis cooks for me" Gilbert said through his laughter which made Alfred laugh as well. With the Prussian now distracted from the earlier photo, the two of them continued to sift through them. 

Alfred looked up when he heard Gilbert let out a startled gasp only to notice that whatever the Prussian was holding wasn't a photo; it was a very old painting. He leaned in closer to see what it was only to gasp as well as he tentatively took the painting out of Gilbert's hands. 

The painting was of his mother.

**_~To Be Continued~_ **


	38. A Faded Painting And Years Worth Of Self Blame

Tears slipped down Alfred's cheeks as he stared at the old painting. The painting was of his mother and she was holding him and Matthew when they were only babies. Where did Matthew get this? And why did he never tell him about it? He gently flipped the painting over and saw old faint writing. He wiped at his eyes as he read what it said. 

_My darling children how I love you so. I know you'll both grow into strong young men and I wish I could be there for it but that is simply not fate's design. I will fade one day and I will no longer be there for you my children but I pray to the spirits that you will both find someone to love and cherish you just as much as I do. Though our time together will be short I will make every moment of it count. Oh, my precious babies never forget that I will always love you._

Alfred's tears fell harder as he gently held the painting close to his heart. He barely registered Gilbert pulling him into a hug. He broke down and sobbed into the Prussian's chest, and Gilbert just gently rocked him back and forth while he hummed softly. 

"Why would Mattie keep this a secret from me?" Alfred managed to say through his sobs and Gilbert could do nothing but continue to comfort the broken American. 

"I don't know Alfie" He said softly which only made Alfred cry even harder. 

"I miss her so much" He sobbed breaking Gilbert's heart, he hated seeing Alfred cry it always made him want to cry as well. 

"I know Alfie, and she misses you too" He said only to blink in surprise when Alfred just shook his head sadly. 

"No, she doesn't" He mumbled weakly as he desperately tried to wipe his tears away. Gilbert reached up and gently removed Alfred's hands from his eyes. 

"What do you mean by that?" He asked and Alfred gave him the most heart-wrenching expression ever before he answered. 

"Because she hates me" He said brokenly causing Gilbert to give him a shocked look. 

"What? Alfred, why would you think that?" He asked causing another sob to escape Alfred's lips. 

"Because it's my fault she's gone!" Alfred shouted through his sobs but before Gilbert could say anything he continued. 

"It was my people that killed her! She's my mother and I killed her! I can't do anything right, all I do is hurt those around me!" He shouted and Gilbert watched in horror as the American practically fell apart before him. He reached over and pulled the broken American into a tight hug. 

"That's not true Alfred, you didn't kill your mother and you definitely do not hurt everyone around you" Gilbert explained softly as he rocked Alfred back and forth. Alfred gave him a teary-eyed look but before he could say anything Gilbert quickly interjected. 

"It was fates design for your mother to fade, just like my father and all of the other ancients. It's not something we could have stopped. And you bring so much light into everyone's lives, Alfred, so please don't think so poorly of yourself" Gilbert all but begged the American shocking Alfred greatly. 

"You really mean that?" He whispered softly and Gilbert reached up and gently wiped away Alfred's tears. 

"With all my heart" He said softly and Alfred not knowing what to say just laid his head down on Gilbert's shoulder. The Prussian smiled softly as he gently ran his fingers through the blonde's hair. 

They stayed like that for several minutes until Gilbert noticed that Alfred had fallen asleep. He smiled softly at the American before he took his glasses off and placed them on the nightstand. He glanced down at all the photos and gently placed them back into the folder, as well as the painting which he had to very carefully take out of Alfred's hands. After that, he placed them in the drawer of the nightstand before gently lying Alfred down. 

He stared at Alfred before glancing at the nightstand drawer, he had to make sure he was able to speak to Matthew before Alfred did or else the American might break down on his brother. He let out a tired sigh before turning off the lights and slipping under the covers. And almost instantly Alfred snuggled up into his chest causing a faint blush to appear on the Prussian's face before he fell asleep as well. 


	39. Discussions Between A Prussian And A Canadian

Gilbert had a very restless sleep so it was only a matter of time before he woke up for good. He sighed tiredly as he ran his fingers through his hair before glancing over at Alfred, the American was all curled up on himself and sleeping soundly. Gilbert smiled softly at the scene before his eyes trailed away to look at the nightstand, another sigh escaped him before he stood up. 

He needed to speak with Matthew, and he needed to do it now before Alfred woke up. He slowly got up out of the bed and quickly got dressed before he grabbed the folder of photos and slipped out of the room. Once he was out of the room he instantly started heading towards the cafeteria, figuring that that would be his best bet at finding Matthew. 

As soon as he entered the cafeteria his eyes instantly landed on Matthew, the Canadian was chatting away happily with Abel while the two of them ate their breakfast together. Gilbert quickly made his way towards the duo. 

When Matthew noticed Gilbert he gave the Prussian a smile, however as soon as he spotted the folder in the Prussian's his hand his smile was instantly replaced by a worried/nervous expression. 

"Matthew we need to talk" Gilbert said seriously which only increased the Canadian's worry. He glanced briefly at Abel before following the Prussian out of the room. They entered an old office room and sat down. Gilbert placed the folder down on the table and Matthew had to restrain himself from just snatching it up and running. 

"Where did you find this?" He asked, breaking the silence causing Gilbert to give him a very unimpressed look. 

"On the floor, since we moved the beds the other night there was nothing left covering it anymore" He said and Matthew mentally cursed at this, he had completely forgotten about the beds being moved. 

"You know there was a specific picture in there that really upset Alfred" Gilbert said causing Matthew to wince slightly, he had a pretty good idea which picture it was.

"Which one?" He asked hesitantly and Gilbert simply opened up the folder and pulled out an old painting that Matthew instantly recognized and it only made him wince even more. 

"You should have heard him last night Matthew. He was screaming and sobbing, he blames himself for your mother's death" Gilbert said causing Matthew to frown sadly, this was exactly why he never showed Alfred the painting he didn't want his little brother to become so distressed over a single painting. 

"I'm not going to ask why you kept this a secret from him because it's not my place, but I do want to warn you that Alfred's going to be very upset with you because of this" Gilbert explained as he stood and all Matthew could do was nod. 

"Your my friend Matthew, but I care an awful lot for Alfred so figure this shit out. Because if it comes down to it and I have to pick a side, I'm choosing Alfred" He said seriously before walking out the door. 

Matthew side tiredly as he reached over and picked up the folder and slipped the painting back inside of it before he glanced around the room, he needed a place to hide this. He finally spotted an old filing cabinet and decided to hide it there. Once that was done he slipped out of the office room and quickly made his way towards the meeting room, hopefully, he would be able to avoid talking with Alfred until later.


	40. Breaking An American

Matthew had successfully managed to avoid speaking to Alfred, as by the time the American had entered the meeting room it was already crowded and he had Abel and Laura sitting next to him. Though he couldn't help but wince when he noticed just how red his brother's eyes were, there was no way that was all from last night so he must have been crying earlier today. 

"Mon petit lapin what is wrong?" Francis asked worriedly when he noticed the state that Alfred was in. Alfred tried to give him a reassuring smile but it wasn't fooling anyone especially not Francis. The Frenchman gestured for Alfred to sit next to him and as soon as he did he pulled the American into a hug, which Alfred quickly melted into, Francis gave some of the best hugs in the whole world.  

Gilbert gave Matthew a pointed look as he took the seat next to Alfred, said Canadian stubbornly ignored the look. Before Gilbert picked up the book so that he could read, hopefully, he would be able to pick the American's spirits up this way. Or he could sink them even faster, it all depends on what the next couple entries were. And unfortunately, the American was in for a very rough time. 

**Matthew sometimes enjoys being invisible because he fears that if he were more like Alfred, everyone would hate him as much as they hate Alfred too.**

Alfred flinches at this and Francis instinctively tightened his hold on the American. Gilbert reached over and placed his hand on Alfred's shoulder while he read the next entry. 

**After the fall of Communism... Russia didn't know what to do. When he sucked up his pride and asked America for help. America laughed.**

Ivan winced at this while he stared numbly down at his slightly shaking hands, God had it hurt for his old friend to laugh in his face when all he wanted was some help. Yao quickly reached over and pulled the Russian into a tight hug in a desperate attempt to keep the Russian from becoming numb to the world again. 

Alfred flinched almost violently at this, causing Francis to let go of him and for Gilbert's hand to fall off of his shoulder. When Ivan had asked for his help he had genuinely believed that the Russian was messing with him. After everything that had happened, all the damage they had caused each other, the mere thought of Ivan wanting his help had seemed like a poorly timed joke. But it hadn't been a joke and laughing at the desperate nation was one of his biggest regrets, one he'll never forgive himself for. 

"Ivan I-" He began only to freeze up when he saw the venomous glare that Yao was giving him. If looks could kill he would already be six feet under. He averted his eyes and wrapped his arms around himself, why was he such an idiot? He should have know that Ivan wasn't joking. If only he had taken the Russian more seriously he could have mended their broken bond before it was ruined forever. 

Gilbert gave Alfred a concerned look when he noticed how dark the American's eyes were getting. He decided to quickly read the next entry, he didn't know that this entry would only make things worse. 

**Japan isn't comfortable with people touching him... It wasn't always that way. Actually, before the bombing of Hiroshima and Nagasaki, Japan loved hugs. Mostly from America. But ever since WWII Japan doesn't trust anyone anymore. Because the one he trusted most ended up hurting him in the end... And America will never forgive himself for it.**

Kiku winced slightly as he wrapped his arms around himself, some of his old scars began to ache. Yao tentatively placed a hand on the Japanese man's shoulder only to quickly remove it when Kiku flinched. He stared sadly at his little brother before he turned to glare at Alfred once again. 

Said American was hunched over and he had his hands covering his mouth as he went pale and started shaking, he was covering his mouth to not only muffle his sobs but also to prevent himself from throwing up. He felt absolutely sick at the reminder of what he had done, he had just been so angry at the time but that was no excuse for what he had done. Why was it that the only thing he could do was hurt, people? He looked up and paled further when he saw that Yao's glare had turned almost murderous. But before he could say anything a single statement resounded throughout the meeting room. 

"Why do you hurt so many people Alfred?"

Everyone had expected it to come from Yao, but it didn't. It came from Matthew. The Canadian was staring at his brother with an unreadable expression on his face while everyone else stared at him in shock. Alfred's head snapped up to stare at his older brother and his heart instantly sank when he saw the coldness in the Candian's violet eyes. Had Matthew found out about him looking through his photos and was mad at him for it? Or did his brother hate him just as much as everyone else did? 

Before he could even attempt to say anything Gilbert made a strangled choking sound, which startled everyone before he began to read the next entry. 

**Dear Diary,**

**A little known secret is that I despise myself. I'm just figuring it out now. I don't belong. What the other nations say about me is true. I'm stupid, annoying, and violent. Not only am I realizing it, but so are my people. So much for being a hero - America**

The room was filled with a chilling silence as everyone sat frozen in shock, They sat like that for a good half hour before everyone regained their senses. But by the time everyone had snapped out of their shock Alfred was long gone. Almost everyone quickly got up and scrambled for the door, all of them desperate to find Alfred. However, they all froze fearfully when the most horrifying sound filled the conference building. 

A gunshot. 

**_~To Be Continued~_ **


	41. Mind Trap

It only took them about ten seconds to snap out of there shock and book it down the hallways, they didn't stay grouped together because the building was too large and with how the shot had echoed there was no clear way to track it down so they had covered as much ground as they possibly could. 

Arthur and Francis were racing down one of the halls when Francis suddenly skidded to a halt when he heard faint sobbing, his head snapped in the direction and he realized it was coming from one of the washrooms. Arthur skidded to a halt as well and turned to face the Frenchman and gave a frustrated look.

"Francis, what is it?" He asked impatiently only to stiffen when he picked up on the sobbing. The two of them shared a look before cautiously approaching the washroom. Arthur pushed the door open and their eyes instantly landed on Alfred. 

The American was kneeling on the ground shaking tremendously while he clutched onto the pistol in his hands, loud broken sobs were escaping him with the occasional apology slipping out. 

While Francis instantly went to Alfred's side and pulled the American into a hug while also taking the gun out of his hands, Arthur was glancing around the room. Just from a quick once over the Brit was able to tell that the American hadn't shot himself so what had he shot? He stiffened when he noticed the shattered mirror and there was a bullet embedded into the wall. He turned back towards Francis and saw that Alfred seemed completely oblivious to the Frenchman's presence which was clearly worrying Francis. 

Arthur kneeled down in front of Alfred and took his face into his hands and stared deeply into the American's eyes, it worried him greatly that Alfred didn't even respond to that. It seemed that Alfred was completely lost inside his own head. 

"Alfred, can you hear me?" Arthur whispered softly but just as he expected the American didn't respond. 

"Arthur, what's happening to him?" Francis asked worriedly and all Arthur could do was sigh sadly. 

"He's trapped inside of his own mind" He explained causing Francis to frown worriedly. 

"Can't you just enter his mind and pull him out?" He asked and Arthur just shook his head slowly. 

"If it was anyone else maybe, but despite him claiming that he doesn't believe in magic Alfred has incredibly strong mental blocks. If I were to try and break through them by force I could cause severe damage to his mind" Arthur explained sadly causing Francis to tighten his hold on Alfred. 

"There has to be something we can do, right?" Francis asked desperately causing Arthur to sigh as he reached over and grasped one of the Frenchman's hands. 

"We just have to wait for him to come out on his own" He said softly causing a few tears to slip down Francis' face and he held onto Alfred. Arthur stood up and walked away a bit so that he could send a message to the others that they found Alfred. 

"Arthur" Francis said softly causing the Brit to turn and face him, his eyes soften when he saw how lovingly the Frenchman was holding Alfred. 

"We should get him into a bed" He said softly and Arthur nodded in agreement before leaning down so that he could pick the American up, he frowned slightly when he felt just how light Alfred was. 

"Our room is the closest we can set him down there" Francis said as he stood up. Arthur nodded and the two of them slipped out of the room, though Arthur paused very briefly in the doorway because he could have sworn he heard a very soft American accented voice whisper, 

"Sorry Alfie" 

Arthur shook his head and chalked it up to him imagining things, besides Alfred was the only American here and he didn't have a New York accent. 


	42. Mirror Image

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what Alfred was doing while everyone was still too stunned to move.

Alfred sprinted down the halls as tears streamed freely down his face, now everyone knew just how pathetic he was. He slipped into one of the washrooms and dry heaved into the sink, he hadn't had anything to eat since last night so nothing came up. 

He let out a broken sob as he looked up and stared at his reflection, he looked like a mess. He reached up and tried to rub away his tears but they just kept coming and coming. 

"Your such a pathetic waste of space" He muttered to himself as he gripped the edge of the sink tightly. 

"You can't do anything right, your just a murder that everyone pretends to tolerate" He continued to mutter as he placed his elbows on the sink and gripped his hair so tightly he was practically tearing it out. 

"Everyone would be better off if you were dead" He muttered only to stiffen in realization. He slowly removed his hands from his hair and stared at his reflection before reaching into his jacket and pulling out his pistol. He stared down at the gun with a dazed look in his eyes. 

"Everyone would be better off if you were dead" He muttered once again before placing the gun at his temple. He closed his eyes and placed his finger on the trigger. 

"Alfred F. Jones don't you fucking dare!" A desperate sounding New York accent shouted startling Alfred. He slowly removed the gun from his head and glanced around the room in confusion. 

"The mirror little bluebird, face the mirror" The voice spoke up again this time speaking much softer. Alfred furrowed his eyebrows in confusion before he turned to face the mirror only to gasp at what he saw. Staring back at him with an unreadable expression on his face was Allen.

"Allen, what are you doing here?" Alfred asked causing Allen to roll his eyes and cross his arms. 

"I'm trying to keep you from making a stupid mistake" He barked causing Alfred to shift uncomfortably. 

"You know damn well that shooting yourself isn't going to magically solve all of your problems. If the first 50 times didn't work why should this one? Besides all that's going to do is cause more problems for both of us" Allen stated coldly causing Alfred's grip on the gun to tighten. 

"I know that! I just..." Alfred trailed off tiredly, Allen sighed and gave the American a soft look. 

"You want the pain to go away I get that Alfie, but this isn't the way to do it. We have both tried enough times to figure that out" He said softly causing Alfred to sigh as he placed his elbows onto the counter before putting his face into his hands. Allen wanted to reach out and comfort him but he knew that the minute he stepped out of the mirror that stupid Brit would sense his presence and he just did not want to deal with that right now, besides he had more important things to deal with right now. 

Allen sighed and he reached into his pocket and pulled out a small sack, inside was a special kind of powder that he had "borrowed" from Oliver. What the powder would do was place the person who inhaled it into a trance-like state where they would be shown visions of the past that the person most desperately needed to see. In this case, it would provide evidence for Alfred that he was valued and loved. He reached into the sack and grabbed a handful of the powder being careful not to inhale any of it himself.

"I'm sorry Alfred but this is for both of our sake's" He said softly causing Alfred to look up at him only to get a face full of powder. Alfred's eyes widened in surprise before they started glazing over as the powder took effect. However, Alfred's body reacted in a way that Allen was not expecting. 

Fearful sobs started escaping the American as his body went into a trance-like state. He collapsed to the floor as his legs gave out but his arms still had a bit of control left and he gripped the pistol that was still in his hands tightly as he aimed shakily at the mirror. 

"Make it stop Allie make it stop, please!" He sobbed and when all Allen could do was stare in shock Alfred pulled the trigger and shot straight at the mirror. 

"Sorry Allie" Alfred sobbed before the powder took full effect of his mind and body. The only sounds escaping him were his sobs and apologies to Allen. 

Do to the now shattered mirror Allen's vision of Alfred was obscured but thankfully he was able to see Arthur and Francis enter the room. He sighed worriedly as he watched the two men take care of Alfred. 

"Sorry Alfie" He mumbled before walking away from the mirror. Things would work out he just knew they would. 


	43. Locked Out And Couple Therapy

Matthew paced back and forth in front of Arthur and Francis' room while a few other nation's quietly talked to each other. He wanted so badly to be in there taking care of his baby brother but it would seem he was unwanted. 

After Arthur and Francis had gotten Alfred to lye down the American had finally stopped mumbling and his eyes had finally closed. However as soon as they did things became much more complicated. 

Everyone had agreed to take shifts so that they could watch over Alfred, with the exception of Francis who refused to leave the American's side. But things became complicated when Alfred's body seemed to react negatively to certain people being in the room 

His body would jerk sporadically and he would only stop if the person left the room. It was so terrifying that they all agreed that those specific people would have to stay out of the room. And unfortunately for Matthew, he was one of those people, which at first had pissed him off because Ivan of all people could go in with no problem but he couldn't. But after he had cooled down he realized that he had no one to blame but himself. 

Arthur, who also wasn't able to enter the room, had explained that the reason that Alfred reacted like that was a subconscious self-preservation tactic to protect the body from people his mind viewed as a threat. It killed Matthew to know that his baby brother was afraid of him. 

He glanced up when he saw Gilbert leaving the room while Lovino entered, he was able to catch a glimpse of inside the room and saw Alfred lying still on the bed while Francis fretted over him and Vlad sat on the bedside chair in a meditative pose while he held one of Alfred's hands. 

Since both Arthur and Lukas couldn't enter the room it was up to Vlad to make sure Alfred didn't become permanently trapped inside his own mind. While he couldn't pull the American out he could send an incorporeal version of himself into Alfred's mind so that he could convince the American to come out on his own. 

"Has Vlad made any progress?" Arthur asked and Gilbert just sadly shook his head. 

"No, he is still trying to find a way past Alfred's shield without having to tear them down" He explained causing a few people to sigh. 

"If only we could go in there, we would be able to help him" Lukas said frustration surprising quite a few people. Matthias reached over and pulled the fuming Norwegian into a hug. 

"I know and it sucks but you just need to have faith in Vlad" He whispered softly causing Lukas' shoulder's to sag in defeat before he glanced at Allistor. 

"Allistor can't you do anything?'" He asked but the Scot just shook his head. 

"I'm no good at this kind of magic, if I were to try I could fuck up Alfred and Vlad's mind" He explained sadly causing everyone to slump slightly. 

"Let's just hope Vlad can do this" Arthur muttered as he stared at the now closed door with a frown on his face. 

<><><><>

Vlad opened his eyes tiredly as he yawned, he had been trying to bypass Alfred's shields for 6 hours straight and it was draining him. He glanced down at Alfred who was still in a coma like state, he just couldn't believe that the kid had such powerful shields not even Arthur had shields this strong. He looked and saw that Francis had fallen asleep on his bed, there was heavy bags under the Frenchman's eyes so he assumed that the man had been up for a very long time. 

He turned slightly when he heard the door open and smiled sleepily when he saw Vash was standing there. He gave the tired Romanian a soft smile as he walked up to him. Thankfully Vash was one of the people able to enter the room. 

"Hey, Vlad how you holding up?" Vash asked as he leaned down to kiss the Romanian's cheek. Vlad gave him a tired smile before sighing. 

"I'm exhausted" He mumbled and Vash sighed before pulling the Romanian into a hug which Vlad eagerly melted into. Vash pulled him close as he sat on the chair and pulled Vlad onto his lap. 

"I know, but here I brought you dinner" He said as he pulled out a container filled with chicken and rice. Vlad grinned as he took it before he kissed the Swiss' cheek. 

"Thank you Iubire" He sweetly before quickly tucking into the food causing Vash to laugh.

"I didn't know you two were a couple" Francis said sleepily as he sat up causing the two of them to jump in surprise. 

"Francis! You scared the crap out of me!" Vlad said while clutching his chest while his heart beat rapidly causing Francis to chuckle. 

"Sorry, sorry I just never knew you two were together" He said through his laughter causing Vash and Vlad to stiffen. 

"You won't tell anyone will you?" Vlad asked worriedly which instantly sobered Francis up. 

"I won't but may I ask why do you keep your relationship a secret?" He asked softly, Vlad glanced up at Vash causing him to sigh. 

"I just want our relationship to stay between us" He said stiffly causing Francis to nod before he gave them a calculating look. 

"And is that what Vlad wants?" He asked causing the Romanian to freeze up as Vash glanced down at him. 

"It is, right Vlad?" He asked causing Vlad to shift uncomfortably. 

"Vlad if you don't like keeping it a secret you need to tell Vash" Francis said softly causing Vlad to sigh. 

"He's right, I hate keeping what we have a secret I want to be able to be seen with you in public without worrying about what others will think" He said softly causing Vash's grip to tighten. 

"Why didn't you say something sooner?" He asked softly and Vlad just gave him a small smile. 

"I wanted to make you happy, and if keeping our relationship a secret is what it takes then I'm more then happy to do it" He said softly causing matching frowns to appear on Francis and Vash's faces. 

"Your feelings matter just as much as his Vlad" Francis said softly causing Vlad to give him a confused look. 

"But if that's true why do you let Arthur treat you the way he does?" He asked confused causing Francis to wince slightly. 

"What me and Arthur have is complicated you shouldn't compare your relationship with mine" He said softly causing Vlad to nod slightly in understanding before he looked up at Vash who had been strangely quiet. When the Swiss noticed his look he gave the Romanian a soft look. 

"If you want people to know about our relationship I'm okay with it, but um let's start small like with your brother and my sister" He suggested causing a large grin to appear on Vlad's face. 

"That's a great idea!" He cheered before pulling the Swiss into a tight hug which he quickly returned. Francis smiled softly at the sight. 

"You two are adorable together" He said causing both of them to blush brightly. 

"You know Francis you should really think about becoming a therapist for couples" Vlad said after his blush went away causing Francis to chuckle. 

"I should figure out my own love life before helping others out with theirs" He said causing the Romanian and Swiss to nod in agreement. Francis huffed in amusement before glancing over at Alfred still form. 

"I guess you haven't had any luck yet" He said softly causing Vlad to sigh. 

"No, but I'm not giving up" He said and Francis nodded. Vash yawned before he picked Vlad up and placed him down on the chair as he stood. 

"Well I should head to bed" He said as he walked towards the door before pausing and giving Vlad a stern look. 

"Don't forget to get some sleep as well Vlad" He said sternly and Vlad nodded obediently with a grin on his face causing a suspicious look to appear on Vash's face before he turned to look at Francis. 

"Make sure he goes to sleep" He said before leaving the room causing both Francis and Vlad to laugh. Vash could be such a mother hen when he wanted to. 


	44. Possible Side Effects

Vlad groaned in frustration as he leaned back in his chair and rubbed tiredly at his eyes, after taking a quick nap he had once again tried to enter the American's mind but was once again unable to make any progress. 

"No luck?" Michelle asked softly from the other chair, he glanced at her briefly before sighing and shaking his head. 

"No luck" He said while he ran his hand through his hair in frustration, why did Alfred have to have such strong mental walls. That's when he noticed that Francis was no longer in the room which surprised him quite a bit, the Frenchman had not left Alfred's side since he and Arthur had found him. 

"Where did Francis go?" He asked curiously causing Michelle to sigh tiredly as a small exasperated smile appeared on her face.  

"Arthur, Lucille and I forced him to go and get something to eat" She explained and he nodded in understanding, the Frenchman was going to make himself ill with how much worrying he is doing not that anyone could blame him. 

He glanced back at Alfred who hadn't moved an inch since he had first entered his mind, this was being to get worrisome. If he couldn't find a way in then Alfred could easily go so deep into his mind not only will he never come out but his body will begin shutting down. 

"Hey what's this?" Michelle asked suddenly as she pulled the cloth she had been using to wash Alfred's face away, on it were very faint bits of blue powder. His eyebrows furrowed in confusion as he took it from Michelle's hands. He squinted down at it before swiping his finger through it and bringing it closer to his face. 

"That's strange this almost looks like..." He trailed off as his eyes widen in shock before he stood up and bolted out of the room, ignoring Michelle calling after him. There was no way this could be what he thought it was, but if it was how in the world had Alfred been exposed to it? 

He ran through the hall before bolting into the cafeteria startling quite a few people. His eyes instantly landed on Arthur and he quickly ran over to the Brit, who was giving him a concerned look. 

"Vlad, what's wrong? Did something happen to Alfred?" He asked worriedly but Vlad just shook his head before throwing the cloth he was still holding down onto the table. 

"No but I think I know what caused him to go into his trance" He said seriously. Arthur raised an eyebrow before looking at the cloth, his eyes widen once he realized what the blue powder was exactly. 

"That's not possible! I have the only supply of this and it's back at my home, how did Alfred become exposed to this?" He questioned in a stunned tone of voice causing Francis, who he had been eating with, to give him a confused look. 

"Arthur, what is it?" He asked worriedly which snapped Arthur out of his stupor. He stared at the Frenchman numbly before answering. 

"This is-" 

<><><><>

"Allen, can I have a word with you?" Oliver requested as he peaked his head into the American's room causing Allen to give him an uneasy look. 

"Uh, yeah. What's up?" He asked trying to act natural but Oliver saw right through him. 

"Would you happen to know what happened to my Vision Powder?" He asked in such a way that Allen knew that lying would get him nowhere. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair before responding. 

"I may have borrowed it for something important" He mumbled before tossing the Brit the half-empty bag. Oliver raised an eyebrow before letting out an exasperated sigh.

"You used it on your 1p didn't you?" He asked though it sounded more like a statement than a question. Allen gave him a sheepish grin before nodding causing Oliver to sigh once more. 

"You should have asked first because this powder has a lot of side effects that could have very strong negative effects on Alfred" He said in a tired tone of voice which caused Allen eyes to widen fearfully.  

"What kind of side effects?" He asked and Oliver sighed before sitting down on Allen's bed. 

"While it's true the purpose of this powder is to show the person who has inhaled it what they most desperately need to see, however that isn't the only thing that could happen" He explained causing Allen's eyebrow's to furrow in confusion. 

"What do you mean?" He asked baffled. 

"Well no one knows why it happens, maybe it has to do with the person's heart or their adaptability to magic but sometimes when inhaled this powder can show the opposite of what's desired" He explained causing Allen's eyes to widen in horror. 

"So in Alfred's case..." He trailed off and Oliver nodded. 

"It could show him that all of his assumptions are in fact correct" He said sadly. Allen let out a distressed sound as he hunched over and placed his head into his hands as he fully proceeded what he had done. 

"I just wanted to help" He mumbled weakly causing Oliver to sigh as he placed his hand on the American's back and rubbed it gently. 

"I know and there's no guarantee that it won't go wrong, you just gotta hope that the right side sticks" He said softly causing a soft sigh to escape the American. 

"Your right" He mumbled as he sat up. 

"Is there any way of knowing which way it went?" He asked hopefully causing Oliver to hum in thought. 

"If I'm remembering correctly it depends on how his subconscious reacts to those around him, depending on who it shuns away dictates which side of the powder stuck" He said causing Allen to nod in understanding. 

"Now come on your going to help me with dinner" Oliver said cheerfully as he stood up causing Allen to let out a loud groan. 

"I thought it was Matt's turn?" He whined causing Oliver to give him a wide grin. 

"It was, but consider this punishment for stealing" He said cheerfully as he went to leave the room. 

"Can't you just do it yourself?" He whined again causing Oliver to give him a pout. 

"No, Jean has banned me from cooking alone since I have a habit of...putting something extra into the food" He said before leaving the room. Allen sighed before following after the Brit, maybe this would help take his mind off of Alfred. 


	45. A Series Of Doors

"So basically this Vision Powder has trapped Alfred in a specific part of his mind and will either show him what he most desperately needs to see or it will show him the exact opposite of that" Francis said slowly and  Arthur simply nodded. 

"And you have no idea which side of the powder has stuck?" He asked baffled causing Arthur to sigh and pause in the middle of the hallway. 

"No, I've never seen the powder in action before so I don't know what the signs are" He said tiredly as he ran his fingers through his hair. Francis bit his lip worriedly and glanced away from Arthur as they continued walking down the hallway. 

"The good news is that we no longer have to worry about Alfred accidentally becoming trapped inside of his own mind now" Arthur said semi-cheerfully causing Francis to raise a questioning eyebrow at him.

"The powder will show him a series of doors, some will be blocked off depending on which side of the powder stuck. These doors represent memories and whatever is in them will be shown to him, whether they are positive or negative doesn't matter as long as the message gets across. After he has seen what is in each available door he will awaken from his trance" He explained causing Francis to let out a long breath of relief, at least there was one thing they could be thankful about. 

They paused outside of their room, Francis gave him a small smile before slipping in while Arthur sighed tiredly as he continued walking towards the meeting room. It was up to him to explain to the others what the Vision Powder was and what it was doing to Alfred. He could already feel a headache coming on.

He kinda wished that they could distract themselves with the book but as soon as Alfred had entered his trance the book had disappeared. They had all come to the conclusion that this was the ancients way of saying that they could not read the book until Alfred was better. He took in a deep breath before pushing the doors open, this was going to be a very long conversation. 

<><><><>

Alfred groaned softly as he slowly sat up and rubbed his head, the last thing he remembered was talking to Allen and then everything went black. He stood up started looking around in confusion. It didn't seem like he was in a room but everything was grey and there was an uncountable amount of doors, some were shadowed out and when he tried to open one it wouldn't budge. 

"Odd" He muttered to himself as he turned away from the blacked out door and instead focused on the door next to it. It looked like it was made of very old wood, in fact, all of them did. His eyebrows furrowed as he placed his hand on the doorknob, for some reason it felt like he should recognize this door but he just couldn't figure out why. 

He shrugged his shoulders before pushing the door open to see what was on the other side. There was a bright light and suddenly he was standing in a completely different place. He glanced around and the more he saw the wider his eyes became, there was no way he was where he thought he was. 

His shoulders tensed up when he heard footsteps approaching, he whirled around as someone entered the room and he froze as he locked eyes with a pair of green eyes that looked right through him as if he wasn't even there. 


	46. The Beginning Of The Memories

_~Last Time~_

_His shoulders tensed up when he heard footsteps approaching, he whirled around as someone entered the room and he froze as he locked eyes with a pair of green eyes that looked right through him as if he wasn't even there._

Alfred's heartbeat quickened as he watched a significantly younger Arthur glance around the room with a searching look on his face. 

"Arthur? What's going on?" He questioned as he reached an arm out towards the Brit only for it to go right through him. He stumbled back in shock as his breathing began to pick up, what in the world was going on? 

**_"Where are you hiding you little wanker" Arthur grumbled to himself angrily as he continued to search the room._ **

This snapped Alfred back to reality, he took a couple of deep breaths to calm his growing panic before he began to watch Arthur more intently, maybe this would give him some answers as to where he was. 

He watched as the Brit searched the room which forced him to look as well, this only caused his heart to ache as he recognized his old childhood bedroom. Spirits it had been a very long time since he had last seen it. 

**_"There you are!" Arthur shouted triumphantly as he dragged a very young Alfred out of the closet forcefully by the arm._ **

And as if a fog had been lifted Alfred immediately knew what he was seeing.

"No, no, no, no" He mumbled to himself as he watched Arthur drag his younger self out of the room. He quickly followed suit. 

**_"Stop! You're hurting me!" Little Alfred yelled as he tried to rip his arm out of the Brit's grasp, but it was fruitless._ **

Alfred winced as he felt a phantom pain on his arm. 

**_Arthur dragged little Alfred into a room where a very snobbish aristocratic man was sitting with a scowl on his face, his shirt was stained with tea._ **

**_"You will apologize to my guest immediately!" Arthur snapped as he pushed little Alfred forward. Little Alfred glared at the snobbish man before turning to glare at Arthur, there was a fire in his eyes that meant trouble._ **

"No don't, just apologize" Alfred mumbled to his younger self as if that would somehow change what was about to happen. 

**_"I will not! He insulted my people!" Little Alfred shouted defiantly causing a furious look to appear on Arthur's face as he reached over and gripped little Alfred's shoulder tightly._ **

Alfred winced again and rubbed at his shoulder.

**_"They're not your people, they are mine! And you will do well to remember that" Arthur hissed venomously._ **

Alfred bit his lip harshly at this, that was not the first nor the last time he had heard that. 

**_He then turned his attention to the other man._ **

**_"You must excuse him, his manners seem to have escaped him" Arthur said apologetically causing the man to sniff in disdain._ **

**_"It is of no matter Arthur, I didn't except the savage to behave any differently" He said dismissively._ **

Alfred clenched his fist angrily, he thought he had become numb to that specific insult long ago but it still seemed to affect him even after so many years had passed. 

_**Little Alfred growled and tried to pounce at the man but Arthur still had a tight grip on him. The Brit gave him a vicious glare.** _

_**"You will go to your room and stay there until I come to speak to you about your punishment" He growled before pushing the boy away. He stumbled slightly before giving the two men one more glare before he ran off towards his room.** _

Alfred shuddered as he remembered his punishment. Suddenly his surroundings began to fade and before he knew it he was once again in front of the door but now it was faded out. He quickly backed away and stared at the other doors. 

He had an idea as to what was going on but he hoped he was wrong. He very slowly approached the next none faded out door and took a very deep breath to calm his racing heartbeat as he placed his hand on the handle. 

"Please let me be wrong" He mumbled to himself as he pushed the door opened and walked through. The first thing he registered once he had walked through was something that made his stomach drop instantly. 

The scent of smoke and the sound of screaming. 


	47. Witch!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I only realized after writing this chapter that during the Salem Witch Trials no one was actually burned at the stake, almost all of them were hanged. I really did not want to change anything that I had already written so I chose to leave it as is, so I'm sorry for the historical inaccuracy I'll try to make them more accurate from now on.

Alfred's eyes immediately landed on a horrifying sight. It was a young woman tied to a stake that was ablaze. She was screaming and crying in agony as the whole crowd cheered, except for one. His eyes trailed away from the sight to land on his younger self who was watching in horror as tears streaked down his face. 

_**"I'm sorry, I'm sorry" Little Alfred mumbled to himself as he watched the woman burn.** _

Tears slipped from Alfred's eyes as he covered his face. This was the first time he had ever seen a Witch Trial in all its horrific glory. And none he saw afterwards would ever have more of an impact on him than this one. 

After this, he stubbornly refused to acknowledge the existence of magic because all it brought was heart ache and death. 

**_The memory became fuzzy before refocusing, only now it showed that young woman and little Alfred playing in the forest._ **

**_"Come on Marie catch me!" Little Alfred shouted cheerfully causing the woman to chuckle as she ran even faster in an attempt to catch him._ **

Alfred choked as his head snapped up and stared at the playful duo. 

"No... not this" he whispered brokenly to himself. 

**_Little Alfred laughed and continued to run, however as soon as he passed the tree line he tried to skid to a stop as he saw a steep cliff. He wasn't able to stop however and tumbled right off with a scream leaving his lips. Marie broke through the tree line and stared in horror as she watched Little Alfred falling._ **

**_"Alfred!" She screamed before a blue glow encased her hands as he used it to pull Alfred back up onto the cliff side, once he was safe she pulled him into a tight hug while he stared at her in awe._ **

**_"Marie! You can do magic!" He exclaimed loudly causing Marie's eyes to widen in panic as she quickly shushed him._ **

**_"Alfred you can't tell anyone about what I just did" She begged causing Little Alfred to give her a confused look._ **

**_"Why? You have an amazing gift?' He questioned causing her to give him a weak smile._ **

**_"Because people will be very angry and I could get hurt" She explained which made Little Alfred's eyes widened fearfully._ **

**_"But why?" He asked worriedly and Marie just shook her head._ **

**_"I don't know Alfie, but you gotta promise me that you won't tell anyone" She stressed and Little Alfred nodded._ **

**_"I promise" He said in a serious tone of voice before he placed his little hands on her shoulders._ **

**_"I won't let anyone hurt you" He said in a voice that sounded much older then he looked. Marie just chuckled fondly and gave him a big hug._ **

**_"Okay Alfie" She said sweetly as the memory started fading out._ **

"I'm so sorry Marie" Alfred sobbed as he found himself once again in front of the faded out door. It was all his fault she died, he couldn't protect her. He was powerless to stop his own people from murdering an innocent woman who had done nothing wrong but be born with magic. 

"No more, I don't want to see any more" He mumbled as he curled up in a ball. As if that would magically make everything go away. 

Instead he was almost violently propelled into the next door that wasn't faded out. He clenched his eyes shut and refused to open them, he would not acknowledge another terrible memory. 

**_"Alfred?"_ **


	48. Divide Part 1

**"Alfred?"**

Alfred's eyes snapped open as he recognized the voice, he took in the sight before him in surprise. 

He saw his younger self lying down on the grass with his eyes closed while a blonde leaned over him with a pout on their face and their hand on their hip. He was almost his exact copy, the only difference was that his eyes were more of a greyish blue. 

"Alex..." Alfred mumbled softly as he sadly stared at the blonde. 

**Little Alfred cracked an eye open and gave Alex a smile.**

**"Yes?" Little Alfred prompted cheerfully causing Alex to give him a very unimpressed look as he crossed his arms.**

**"Why are you lying on the ground?" Alex questioned which just made little Alfred grin brightly at him.**

**"Because it's relaxing" He said cheerfully causing Alex to give him a very disbelieving look.**

**"Here I'll show you" He said before dragging the blonde down next to him, Alex startled in surprise before sighing and laying more comfortably on the grass. Despite Alex's hesitance the two of them both ended up falling asleep on that grassy hillside.**

Alfred smiled tentatively at the sight, it almost made him forget what was going to happen to Alex in a few years time. 

Almost.

**The memory fuzzed up before once again becoming clear this time it showed a slightly older Alfred and Alex sitting at a table arguing with each other viciously, neither willing to back down.**

Alfred couldn't help but to stiffen up slightly, as he processed what memory this was. 

**"Why should we change how we've always treated them?" Alex snapped defensively causing an angry scowl to appear on Alfred's face.**

**"They are people and they deserve to be free just like everyone else!" Alfred snapped back causing Alex to scoff dismissively which only angered Alfred further.**

**"When did your heart grow so cold?!" Alfred questioned causing an angry scowl to appear on Alex's face before he leaned in closer to Alfred's face, which did not even faze the furious American.**

**"The same time you grew weak" He hissed venomously before he turned on his heel and stormed out of the room leaving Alfred to glare at his retreating back.**

**"Damn him" Alfred growled angrily as he slammed his fist down onto the table causing it to break instantly, he barely spared it a glance as he stormed out of the room.**

Alfred took in a deep shuddering breath as he ran his fingers through his hair, this was the first of many arguments the two would have. And they would all lead up to one of his greatest regrets. 

**The memory once again fuzzed out and this time when it became clear all Alfred could hear was his own heartbreaking sobs.**

_To be continued~_


	49. Divide Part 2

Alfred teared up slightly as he stared at the scene before him. It was himself sobbing brokenly as he hunched over Alex who's breathing was extremely laboured. The Civil War had just ended, and Alex was fading. 

**"I'm s-sorry, I'm sorry! I didn't want this!" Alfred sobbed as he clutched even tighter to Alex who wheezed slightly.**

**"What did you think would happen?" Alex questioned in a hoarse sounding voice. Alfred just shrugged weakly as tears continued to fall.**

**"I-I don't know I thought we'd both be resensitizes, just like the Italy brothers" He said weakly causing a weak chuckle to escape Alex only to be interrupted by a coughing fit.**

**"Still just as naive as ever" He mused in amusement causing Alfred to huff slightly as he tried to wipe his tears away, but they were just replaced with even more.**

**"I'm so sorry Alex, I didn't know this would kill you" He said weakly as another sob escaped him. Alex let out a tired sigh before he reached up and gripped Alfred chin with his hand, he forced the American to meet his gaze.**

**"Alfred listen to me what I'm about to say is important" Alex wheezed, Alfred nodded as he took Alex's hand off of his chin and instead clutched it between his hands. Alex coughed before he once again met Alfred tear-filled eyes.**

**"This is not you're fault" He began and when it looked like Alfred was going to interject he just gave him a stern glare.**

**"If it's anyone's fault it is my own, I was a fool and I hurt you in the process" He said softly as he reached his other hand over to touch Alfred's cheek, he wiped some of the tears away in the process.**

**"I want you to promise me something Alfred" He said in a serious tone of voice causing Alfred to nod instantly.**

**"Of course anything" He said desperately, Alex gave him a soft look.**

**"Promise me that no matter what happens you will always stay strong and protect _our_ country and _our_ people till the very end" He said softly and Alfred's eyes widened before he nodded and squeezed Alex's hand tighter. **

**"I promise" He swore** **causing a smile to appear on Alex's face before he glanced up at the sky.**

**"I'm going to miss you Alfie" He said sadly as tears began to fall from his own eyes, this caused a sob to escape Alfred.**

**"I'm going to miss you too Lexie" He said through his sobs, Alex gave him a soft smile and then in the span of a blink he was gone.**

**Alfred wrapped his arms tightly around himself as he sobbed his heart out, he stayed like that for hours until no more tears would fall and his voice became hoarse.**

Alfred blinked away the tears as he stared at the faded out wooden door, Alex's word running through his head. He was doing a poor job of keeping that promise he thought bitterly, It's time I stopped being so pathetic. He squared his shoulder and glared ferociously up at the ceiling 

"I am the United States of America, the Land of The Free! I will not back down and I will not quit! So give me your best shot! Because you will never break me!" He shouted and for a moment, there was only silence that greeted him back but then the room began to shake. The doors began to flicker before the only doors that were faded out were the ones he had already entered. 

He glanced around in shock, doors that were previously faded out were now standing strong with a soft golden light seeping out of them and the ones that had always been there had a chilling silver light seeping out. What had just happened? 

He took in a deep breath before he approached one of the doors with a golden light seeping out. He took in one more deep breath before he entered. The first thing he processed as he walked through was the sound of children giggling. 


	50. Magic Part 1

Alfred glanced around, he was once again in his old bedroom but this time he could see his younger self on the bed curled into Arthur's side while Matthew curled into the Brit's other side. 

**"Calm down boys, I can't read over all of your gigglings" Arthur huffed in amusement causing Little Alfred and Matthew to try and hold in their giggles, Arthur rolled his eyes fondly before he opened up the storybook that had been resting on his lap.**

Alfred's eyes sparkled as he recognized the book in the Brit's hands, it had been one of his childhood favourite's. He didn't learn until much later that Arthur had actually written it himself for his kids. 

**"Once upon a time, there was a mighty and fearsome pirate who ruled over the seven seas with an iron fist" Arthur read as he used his magic to make the scene come to life.**

**"Everyone was afraid of ever coming face to face with the man that they never knew that he actually had a family who he loved very much" Arthur continued and a picture of a pirate who looked just like Artur appear surrounded by a bunch of kids and another man dressed as a pirate, this one looked just like Francis.**

**"He kept them safe by keeping all of the other pirates in check, but one-day disaster struck" He said dramatically causing Little Alfred and Matthew to gasp.**

**"The mighty pirate fell ill, and with no one there to keep the other pirates in check they decided to attack his home" He read causing Little Alfred and Matthew to snuggle closer to him as the image changed to show a horde of pirates attacking a humble looking cottage.**

**"They captured his love, who despite being a pirate himself was no match for the combined strength of the others. With his love gone the mighty swore that he would get revenge but he was still too sick to travel so his children decided to take matters into their own hands" He read, the picture constantly changing to match the scene.**

**"They snuck out and borrowed one of their father's ships before setting off to find their mother, they faced many hardships but they refused to back down. Each of them grew and matured from their journey, and it was because of their quest that they each gained their titles much like their parents" He read and the picture changed to show the kids standing tall and looking much older.**

**"While their parents were considered the King and Queen of the seas, they each had a title just as fearsome" He read and now the picture was focusing on each kid.**

**"The Lord of Winter, The Tamer of The Wilds, The Master of Explosions, The Herald of Peace, The Lady of The Sea, and The Spirit of The Free" He said before the image changed to show all the kids together one again.**

Alfred chuckled softly as he leaned against the wall so that he could watch as Little Alfred and Matthew smiled widely at the pictures, those titles had only become more accurate as time went on. 

**"And with there new found strength they were able to save their mother from his veil captures and bring him back to their father" He said as the picture changed to show the family back together again.**

The fact that the story promoted a homosexual couple should have been the first clue that this wasn't a story off the shelves. 

**"Ans they lived happily ever after, or at least as happily as pirates can" Arthur chuckled as he closed the book.**

**"Another, another" Little Alfred and Matthew chanted causing Arthur to chuckle once more.**

**"Alright, but only one more" He said in amusement as he used his back to summon another book.**

Alfred smiled softly at the sight, it had been years since Arthur had used magic so freely in front of him without fear of being mocked. His lips twitched slightly at this causing the memory to fuzz up before it refocused. This time he was standing in the dining room, Arthur was sitting at the table drinking some tea when his younger self suddenly rushed into the room with an excited smile on his face. 

**"Daddy, Daddy!" Little Alfred called as he approached the Brit.**

Alfred flinched slightly. 

**"What is it now Alfred?" Arthur asked exasperated as he glanced down at the younger blonde. Little Alfred just grinned wider before he held his hands out and focused on them.**

**"Look what I can!" He said excitedly as a ball of pure light appeared in his hand. Arthur's eyes widen in shock.**

**"I can do magic just like you daddy!" He said proudly as he glanced back up at his dad who had a large sile on his face.**

**"Oh this is wonderful news Alfred" He said warmly as he crouched down so that he could wrap his arms around the excited American.**

Alfred smiled softly at the scene, after this day they had bonded strongly over their shared use of magic, but then things changed. After the witch trials, he had all but abandoned magic, but he had never told Arthur why he just covered up his fear and self-loathing with disinterest and ignorance. he convinced Arthur that he was never able to magic and that he thought the man was crazy for believing in his creatures. 

Just then the memory went black but instead of being back in the hall of doors he heard a door open and close before he was able to see anything again, but as he glanced around he realized he was in a whole new memory. 


	51. Magic part 2

Alfred glanced around and his eyes landed on his younger self, though this version was older then the last one, he was staring indifferently at Arthur who had a stunned expression on his face. His many magical creatures were surrounding him looking confused. 

Alfred winced when he realized what memory this was. 

**"What do you mean you can't see them?" Arthur questioned in disbelief causing Alfred to scoff.**

**"Arthur I'm not a kid anymore, your tales of mythical creatures won't entice me any longer. There's no one else here" He sniffed which caused an outraged expression to appear on Arthur's face.**

**"Alfred stop this nonsense I know you can see them!" He growled as he stomped closer to Alfred's who's indifferent expression didn't change.**

**"It's not nonsense it fact, just grow up already Arthur" He spat causing Arthur to stumble back slightly as his eyes widened.**

**"But you can use magic!" He said and Alfred just shook his head dismissively.**

**"I don't know what you're talking about" He said passively causing an angry expression to reappear on Arthur's face.**

**"I taught you to use it, so stop lying to me, Alfred!" He growled causing a scowl to appear on Alfred's face.**

**"You're losing it Arthur" He snapped before he spun on his heel and began walking away ignoring Arthur's angry shouts. What he couldn't ignore however were the piercing stares of the magical creatures that surrounded Arthur.**

**They weren't looks of anger or even sadness, the looks they were giving him were ones of understanding.**

Alfred sighed as he watched his younger self storm away. On this day the mental shields that Arthur had helped him construct became fused with suppressed magic, the magic had to go somewhere, after all, he couldn't just get rid of it after all, due to the magic his shields became borderline impenetrable. 

He wouldn't find out about that until Arthur tried to enter his mind, that had lead to another argument. The Brit had refused to back down on the matter, but after years of fights and being called insane Arthur had eventually let it go. But Alfred knew that he never forgot, he was just too tired to continue the fight.  

Another sigh escaped him as he reappeared in the hall of doors only to realize that two doors had faded out, the one with the gold light he had entered and the silver light one next to it. He hummed curiously at this before he approached the next door, this one had a silver light coming out of it. 

"So a gold light means it's a happy memory, but a silver light means it's a sad one" He mused to himself before he pushed open the door, better get the silver ones over with now while he still had gold ones to relieve the pain with. 

The first thing he heard as he entered the memory was the sound of an old camera flashing. 


	52. Spreading The Positivity

So over on my Wattpad, this story has reached over 100k views and to celerbarte, I decided to do a Q&A! 

And I figured I might as well spread that positivity over here, so I'll also do a Q7A or here. 

So feel free to leave your questions in the comments and next week, or the week after that in case something comes up, I'll dedicate the next chapter to answering them. 

The questions can be just about anything from questions about the story to things you're all just curious about. 

Of course, I do have to state that if I find the question to be too personal or the question makes me feel uncomfortable I won't answer. Just thought I'd point that out so no one gets upset that I'm not answering their question. 

This story may not have originated on this site but all of you have shown such support of it that I couldn't bear the thought of excluding you all, so I hope you all have fun with this little Q&A.


	53. Q&A

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait, this was supposed to be posted last Friday but a bunch of stuff happened and it ended up being pushed back. First, my internet was done and then I had family over so I never got a chance to write this up. But it's finally here!

**How long does it take me to make a chapter? -** It actually doesn't take to long once I have inspiration, I'd say about half an hour depending on the length of the chapter. However, if I don't have any inspiration it could take days to write a single chapter. 

 **Where did my inspiration for this story come from? -**  I had seen and read quite a few stories were the countries read their diary entries and I kinda wanted to do the same. At first, however, all attempts I made didn't go anywhere and I got frustrated so for a time I scrapped the idea. But then one day as I was scrolling through google looking for images for another story I stumbled across a few diary entries that I really liked and it re-sparked the flame. This time I wrote down all of the entries or statements I wanted to use and went from there. 

 **What's my favourite character(s) storyline that I have in the story -**  I would have to pick America's, his was the one I wanted to do before I even started writing the story. The other's just appeared naturally as I wrote. 

 **What's my favourite funny diary entry -** Dear Diary, Why do people suck so much? - Romano 

 **How do I balance writing a story and real life responsibilities? -** It's not always the easiest thing, I have a lot of trouble dealing with real life that I tend to shut myself in my room and either focus on my writing or my reading. I'm really not the most balanced of people. 

 **Am I inspired by anyone in particular? -**  Two of my biggest inspirations for writing are my two favourite authours, Rick Riordan and John Flanagan. As well as my grade 9 and 10 English teacher, whose name I can't spell, she was also a huge influence for me. 

 **Does anyone especially encourage me to keep writing? -**  My family have all stated their support but I don't know how much they encourage it, I mean my dad let me get a writing inspired tattoo so I guess there's that. And my friends have said they supported me but sometimes it seems like they just want me to write stuff for them. 

 **How did I get where I am in terms of writing? -** Persistence, even when I got frustrated I just kept working towards my goal. I started with script writing and through trial and error learned proper dialogue writing and before I knew it I was writing real stories. 

 **How did I get into the Hetalia fandom? -** To be honest, I don't really remember, I think I saw a clip or something and decided to give it a look and before I knew it I fell in love with the characters.

 **Who are my favourite and least favourite characters to write? -**  My favourite character to write is America and I don't really know who my least favourite is, I guess the characters who don't express as much emotion as the others like Japan and Norway. 

 **What motivates me? -** This is a bit tricky because I don't really know, I write because I love it and I enjoy making others happy when they read my work. I guess the best answer I can give is that making others happy is what motivates me. 

 **What got me into writing? -**  Writing has always been an odd mix of an escape and a passion. I needed an escape from my awful life and writing kinda fell into my lap and I loved it, so even though I no longer need that escape I continue to do it. 

 **Am I going to continue writing this story on Ao3 -** Yes I am, this story originated on Wattpad but I decided to post it on here as well. 

 **Who is Alfred and Matthew's mother -** Native America, Ayiana 


	54. Dull

_The first thing he heard as he entered the memory was the sound of an old camera flashing._

Alfred tilted his head to the side in confusion as he stared at the memory, he could see a younger version of himself, a younger Matthew, as well as Francis and Arthur. But everything was moving faster then it should be, it was almost like someone had hit the fast forward button. It wasn't until Francis and Arthur started fighting that he even realized what memory it was. 

The very first time Arthur had hit him. 

He numbly watched as Francis stormed away before everything started to return to normal speed. He wondered briefly if the reason everything was in fast forward was because he couldn't remember what the two men had been fighting about. It was almost like the memory was skipping what he couldn't remember. 

He kinda wished he could study the implications of that, did time truly warp how our memories were shown? If someone tried to read his mind would this memory appear like this? Or would they see it differently? What if it was Artur who saw it? He knew what the fight was about so would he be able to see it normally? 

He quickly shook his head so that he could refocus on the memory. As he did he saw his younger self whispering with Matthew, before Matthew nodded and chased after Francis while little Alfred approached Arthur. 

**"Daddy?" Little Alfred said softly as he approached the furious Brit.**

Alfred flinched slightly at the title. 

**"Not now Alfred" Artur said dismissively as he continued to glare down at the ground. But little Alfred just kept pushing.**

**"Daddy, why did you make Papa sad?' He pressed causing a scowl to appear on Arthur's face.**

**"None of your business Alfred" He growled softly.**

**"But Daddy you always say it's wrong to make others sad, so why did you make Papa sad?" Little Alfred pressed even further causing Arthur eyebrow to twitch slightly.**

**"Drop it Alfred" He growled once again.**

**"But Daddy making others sad is wrong" Little Alfred said stubbornly.**

"Just stop" Alfred mumbled softly as if that would somehow stop his younger self from pushing the angry Brit any further. 

**"I'm warning you, Alfred, just let it go" Arthur seethed but his anger went right over little Alfred's head.**

**"But Daddy-" Little Alfred began only to be cut off as Arthur finally snapped. As quick as lightning Arthur had struck little Alfred across the face causing his head to snap to the side.**

Alfred flinched violently at the sight. 

**Little Alfred just blinked a few times in shock before he turned to stare at Arthur with an unreadable expression before he turned and started walking away. Stopping briefly to pick up his pet bunny.**

Alfred sighed as he stared at his younger self's retreating from, his thoughts had been in complete turmoil to the point where he didn't know how to react. So he just didn't. He shut down completely and just walked away. 

Later when what Arthur had done finally registered with him he had broken down and he had sworn to himself that he would never do anything that would cause Arthur to hit him ever again. He hadn't exactly done a good job of preventing it, however. Because this may have been the first him Arthur hit him but it wasn't even close to being the last. 

He never told Matthew or even Francis what Arthur had done, he didn't really know why maybe he believed he had deserved it, but he had a feeling that Matthew had known. The Canadian had never said anything but sometimes he would get this look in his eyes whenever he stared at the bruise as if he knew what or better yet who had caused it. 

The memory became fuzzy before refocusing, he was once again back in his old room. His younger self was sitting on his bed and staring blankly at the wall, there were dried tear tracks on his face and the bruise on his cheek was becoming quite dark. He turned away from himself when he heard the door open. 

**Arthur stepped awkwardly into the room and approached little Alfred who just continued to stare at the wall.**

**"Alfred can you look at me?" Arthur requested stiffly.**

**L** **ittle Alfred slowly tore his eyes away from the wall so that he could look at Arthur.**

**"I wanted to apologize for earlier" Arthur said awkwardly as he shifted from foot to foot.**

**"It's okay Daddy" Little Alfred said softly. Arthur nodded slightly with a relieved expression on his face.**

**"Right well this is for you" Arthur stated as he held out a small jar. Little Alfred just stared blankly at it.**

**"It's for... um..." Arthur trailed off before he tapped his own cheek causing a brief flash of understanding to appear in little Alfred eyes before reached over to take the jar from Arthur.**

**"Thank you" Little Alfred said softly causing Arthur to nod before he awkwardly coughed into his fist.**

**"Well, dinner will be ready soon, be sure to clean yourself up before then" He said stiffly before he turned on his heel and walked out of the room. Little Alfred just stared at his retreating back with a pair of eyes that in that moment became one shade duller.**

Alfred stared sadly at his younger self before he reappeared in front of the now faded outdoor. He sighed softly before he marched over towards the next door and walked right in without bothering to see what kind of light was seeping out of it. 

The first thing he registered as he walked through the door was the sound of three people laughing. Himself, Matthew and- 

_To be continued~_


	55. Doubt

The first thing he registered as he walked through the door was the sound of three people laughing. Himself, Matthew and-

**"You two sure are getting heavier" Alistor chuckled as he lifted up his arms, little Alfred was hanging from his left arm while little Matthew hung from his right. The two of them just giggled as they kicked their legs around. Alistor huffed in amusement as he placed the two boys back down causing them to pout.**

**"Come on uncle Alley again, do it again!" The two chanted in unison causing the Scot to sigh before a smirk appeared on his face, and instead of doing as the two boys requested he picked them both up and threw them up onto his shoulders causing them to squeal in surprise and excitement.**

Alfred smiled softly at the sight.

**"I seem to have caught me a pair of demons" Alistor announced causing little Matthew and Alfred to whine.**

**"We're not demons uncle Alley" Little Matthew whined as he wiggled his legs, little Alfred nodded passionately in agreement. Alistor hummed as he hefted them from his shoulders so that he could hold them in his arms and so that he could look at them, both of them instinctively wrapped their legs around his waist.**

**"Oh really? Well if your not demons then what are you?" He asked causing wide grins to appear on the boy's faces.**

**"Were heroes!" Little Alfred proudly announced causing little Matthew to nod vigorously in agreement. Alistor chuckled fondly at this.**

**"Oh my mistake" He said dramatically as he placed them back on the ground so that he could bow to the pair.**

**"What can I do to apologize for making such a mistake?" He questioned causing large grins to appear on little Matthew and Alfred's faces.**

**"Shoulder rides!" They cheered causing a grin to appear on Alistor's face before he hefted them up onto his shoulders.**

**"Onwards might steed!" Little Alfred cheered which was Alistor's cue to start running around causing the two boys to squeal in excitement.**

Alfred chuckled fondly as he watched his uncle act like a loon for his and Matthew's amusement. 

The memory started fuzzing up and when it refocused Alfred saw his younger self was standing inside the house and staring longingly out the window as he hugged his pet rabbit close to his chest. Alfred got closer so that he could see what his younger self was looking at.

When he glanced out the window he saw little Matthew playing cheerfully with Alistor.

**"Do you think uncle Alley likes Matthew more than me?" Little Alfred asked softly as he glanced down at his bunny who just twitched his nose and stared up at him blankly causing a thoughtful expression to appear on little Alfred face.**

**"I mean it just seems like he spends more time with Mattie then he does with me" He mumbled softly as he glanced back out the window.**

**"He only really spends time with me if Mattie is there to" He said softly as he watched as Alistor swung Matthew around.**

Alfred winced slightly, he had always had this nagging doubt that his uncle didn't care about him as much as he did Matthew. That doubt had never really gone away.

**His bunny wiggled in his arms so that he would glance back down at him. He stared up at Little Alfred and gave him this long look causing a smile to appear on his face.**

**"Your right I'm just over thinking it" He said softly and his bunny seemed to nod in agreement. Little Alfred turned away from the window so that could walk further into the room.**

**"Besides Daddy said when he's done with his paperwork he's going to teach me how to play the violin, so that should be fun" He said cheerfully as he sat down in one of the many chairs in the room.**

Alfred winced slightly, and not just because of the name he used for Arthur. Those lessons had been the absolute opposite of fun.

He sighed as he once again stared at the faded out door, he took in a deep breath and glanced at the next door.

"Strange" He mumbled to himself as he approached the next door and saw that there was gold and silver light seeping out of it, though it seemed like there was more silver than gold. 

"This is probably going to be an emotional roller coaster" He mumbled moodily to himself as he pushed the door open.

The first thing he noticed as he walked through the door was the smell of cherry blossoms and the sound of laughter.


	56. Betrayal Part 1

The first thing he noticed as he walked through the door was the smell of cherry blossoms and the sound of laughter. 

He quickly glanced around only to gape at what he saw. He saw himself leaning against Kiku's side as the two of them laughed, he could hardly remember a time when Kiku let anyone touch him, let alone him. 

**"I can't believe you did that!" Alfred cackled causing Kiku to chuckle softly.**

**"Yes, I don't think he did either" He quipped causing Alfred to nearly howl in amusement.**

**"Spirits Kiku who knew you were such a devious little shit" He said through his laughter which just made Kiku smile fondly at him.**

**"I'm nowhere near as bad as you" He snarked causing Alfred to gasp dramatically as he leaned away from the Japanese man to give him a stunned look.**

**"Kiku, my dear friend are you accusing me of being a prankster!" He cried out in shock causing Kiku to give him a small smirk as he leaned over to boop him on the nose.**

**"That is exactly what I'm saying" He said in amusement causing Alfred to pretend to faint, landing perfectly into Kiku's lap. Kiku just rolled his eyes fondly as he saw the smirk that the American was giving him.**

**"You are such a dork Alfred, I don't know why I put up with you" He said casually causing Alfred to pout before he sat up so that he could pull the Asian into a hug.**

**"Now don't say that, you know you love me" He said teasingly as he snuggled into Kiku's side causing a blush to appear on the man's cheek.**

**"I suppose" He said softly as he wrapped his own arms around Alfred, who gave him a large cheerful grin.**

Alfred sighed softly as he stared at the scene before him, he greatly missed when he used to be able to act like this around Kiku. They used to be so incredibly close and now it seems like the Japanese man hated being in his presence, even if he didn't outwardly show it. Ever since  _that_  day, their friendship has never been the same. 

It didn't help that he still to this day had a huge crush on the man, a crush that refused to go away even after what he had done to Kiku and what Kiku had done to him. 

Suddenly the memory became fuzzy and when it cleared up he saw himself standing in front of Arthur with an unimpressed expression on his face. 

Alfred tilted his head to the side in confusion as he tried to recall what memory this was, he had so many confrontations with Arthur that they had all become blurred together at this point. 

**"I've told you a hundred times, Arthur, The United States will not join the war" Alfred sternly causing Arthur to huff in frustration.**

Alfred suddenly stiffened as he realized exactly what he was seeing. 

"No anything but this" He mumbled fearfully to himself. 

**"But we need you" The Brit grouched, it was clearly very hard for him to say this. Alfred just huffed and rolled his eyes.**

**"As fun as it is listening to you grovel, my answer is still no" He said simply causing Arthur to cross his arms and glare at him.**

**"But why? What their doing effects everyone!" He snapped angrily, Alfred just sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.**

**"Look, Arthur, it's not my decision. My boss has stated that we will not be joining the war so that is what's going to happen. Now run back to the others and tell them once again I will remain neutral" He said finally causing Arthur to huff once again. Alfred just rolled his eyes and turned on his heel to leave only to suddenly stiffen up, which Arthur quickly noticed.**

Alfred wrapped his arms around himself as if that would protect him from the memory playing before him. 

**"Alfred?" He questioned only for his eyes to widen as Alfred hunched over and coughed up a large amount of blood.**

**"Alfred!" He cried out in alarm as he rushed towards the American who collapsed to his knees before falling onto his side, blood still dribbling down his chin. Arthur made quick work of taking his jacket off and laying him down onto his back.**

**With the jacket gone the blood seeping through his shirt became much more apparent.**

Alfred shivered as he felt his scars ache in remembrance of this day. 

**"Don't worry Alfred I got you" Arthur said softly as he tore the American's shirt off so that he could use it to stop the blood.**

**"What could have possibly happened?" He mumbled worriedly as he pressed down onto the wounds.**

**"H-Hawaii... Hawaii was a-attacked" Alfred choked out as he coughed up even more blood, tears were now streaming down his face.**

**"A-Arthur it hurts" He wheezed with a pained expression on his face causing a devastated one to appear on Arthur's own face.**

**"I know Alfred, I know" He mumbled softly as he pulled the American into a hug.**

**"W-what did m-my people do... to d-derve this!" He cried out causing tears to appear in Arthur's eyes as he held him even closer.**

**"I don't know" Was all he could mumble.**

Alfred covered his face with his hands as tears fell uncontrollably down his face, he could still remember how scared he had been. The pain had been almost too much for him to handle, but nothing compared to the pain he felt in his heart when he found out that it was Kiku who had attacked him. 

He hadn't wanted to join the war but Kiku forced his hand, and yet he couldn't even hate him for it. Because what he did was far worse in comparison. 

since his face was covered he didn't notice the memory become fuzzy or when it refocused. What he did notice however, and what caused him to lift his head out of hands, was the sound of someone being slapped. 

_To Be Continued~_


	57. Betrayal Part 2

Alfred winced slightly as he realized what memory it was that he was seeing, he scrubbed away the remaining tears so that he could focus. 

He saw himself standing in front of Yao who still had his hand raised from when he had slapped him. The other Allies were standing awkwardly in the background. 

**"Why did you do it?!" Yao shouted as he jabbed his finger into Alfred's chest who was just staring at him with an emotionless expression on his face.**

**"I know he attacked you but this is going too far!" He continued to shout not giving Alfred a chance to respond.**

**"Are you just that eager to make your self out to be a monster?!" He questioned which is what caused Alfred to finally snap.**

**"I did what I had to" He growled which caused a furious expression to appear on Yao's face.**

**"What you had to do?" He growled softly as he leaned in closer to Alfred.**

**"What you had to do was leave this up to the adults, you are a child who is throwing a tantrum" He spat which caused fury to blaze in the American's eyes.**

**"Don't" He growled which caused a humourless grin to appear on the Asian face.**

**"What? You don't like hearing the truth? Well, face the facts Alfred you are a childish monster throwing a tantrum!" He snapped and this what pushed Alfred over the edge.**

**"Do not lecture me about being a monster! I did not want to join this war, I was neutral! He attacked me and killed thousands of my people who did nothing! I am not the monster here!" He shouted as he stalked closer to Yao which caused the man to stumble back slightly.**

**"My actions are none of your concern so I would advise you to keep your biased opinions to yourself" He growled and turned on his heel and began to stalk out of the room, ignoring everyone who tried to stop him. He paused in the doorway and turned to look at Yao who was staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face.**

**"I have taken the Japanese people out of this war, I have given us one less person to fight, which means less of our own people will die in this war. I did not do this out of revenge, I did this to save more lives" He said angrily before he stalked out of the meeting room.**

Alfred squeezed his eyes shut to stop the tears that wanted to escape. He hated what he had to do to Kiku, but he didn't have a choice. He cracked an eye open and he saw that the memory was becoming fuzzy. When it refocused he saw himself in his home staring out the window. 

**"Still avoiding Kiku?" Arthur questioned as approached the American who just grunted.**

**"The wars been over for two years now, how long are you going to avoid him?" He asked as he placed his hand on Alfred's shoulder, which caused him to turn an face him.**

**"When I stop hating myself for what I did" He simply before went back to staring out the window. Arthur sighed.**

**"It was war, you just did what you had to do" He said sternly causing Alfred to scoff.**

**"What happened to the strong words you spoke against Yao? You seemed so sure of your actions then" Arthur questioned which caused Alfred to turn to face him with a chilling look in his eyes.**

**"That was before I saw what my actions have done to Kiku himself" He hissed as he pushed passed Arthur so that he could stalk further into the room.**

**"He's different, he's become untrusting of physical contact" He whispered as he paused in the middle of the room.**

**"Alfred-" Arthur began only to be cut off by Alfred spinning around to face him.**

**"Did you see how devastated Yao looked when Kiku shied away from his hug?! Or the glare he sent me?! I really am a monster!" He sobbed which caused Arthur's eyes to soften as he approached the American and pulled him into a hug.**

**"Your not a monster Alfred, war affects us all differently and we are all forced to do things that we will regret" Arthur said softly but Alfred just pulled himself out of the hug and backed away slightly.**

**"None of you have completely ruined a person like I ruined Kiku" He growled causing Arthur to sigh as he attempted to reach out to Alfred but he just took another step back.**

**"You should leave" He snapped as he turned his back on Arthur. The Brit looked like was going to say something only to stop and for a glare to appear on his face.**

**"Fine, stay here and wallow in your misery alone" The Brit snapped before he stalked out of the room. Alfred flinched as he heard the door slam shut.**

**"Why do I mess everything up?" He questioned miserably to himself as he stalked out of the room and into the bathroom.**

Alfred stiffened fearfully as more tears streamed down his face, the memory wasn't ending. That means he's going to have to relive  _that_  again. 

**He stared into the mirror with an unreadable expression on his face, his thought swirling and becoming a pounding presence.**

**_"Monster"_ **

**_"Freak"_ **

**_"Murderer"_ **

**_"You can't do anything right"_ **

**_"All you do is mess things up"_ **

**_"Killer"_ **

**_"Destroyer"_ **

**_"You are the bane of everyone's existence"_ **

**He was shaking so badly at this point and the tears were running down his face so quickly that he could no longer see his reflection.**

**_"Your hands are stained with blood"_ **

**_"No one will  ever love a murder like you"_ **

**_"You should just do everyone a favour"_ **

**_"AND DIE!"_ **

A sob escaped Alfred as he watched himself stiffen up and stare unseeingly at the mirror with a thoughtful expression on his. 

"No don't, it won't help" He sobbed but obviously that didn't stop himself from pulling his gun out and staring at it thoughtfully. 

**"Everyone would be better off if I was gone" He whispered softly as he lifted the gun up to his temple and stared at the mirror sadly, his eyes became another shade duller.**

Just as he pulled the trigger the memory blacked out and he was once again back in the hall of doors, but he was to bust sobbing to notice, he collapsed to his knees and just let the tears fall. 

He stayed like that for a good thirty minutes before the tears finally stopped, he slowly got to his feet and glanced at the next door. He almost let out another sob when he saw that this door also had a mix of golden light and silver, and as he turned to look at the other doors he saw they all did. 

"At least there are fewer doors to go through now" He whispered softly before he pulled the door open and shuffled into the next memory. 

All that met him as he entered the memory was silence. 


End file.
